Page 54 of WTF

“Things are much more complicated when the heart is involved.” He spoke knowingly.

“This isn’t like you and Wes,” I said, sinking onto the end of the bed.

“The reasons for pushing away the person we love might not be the same, but the result is.”

I spoke fast. “I don’t love him.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about him?”

My movements were aggressive when I shoved off the bed. “Because he’s mine.”

Because I wanted something that was mine and mine alone. Because sharing something I was so greedy for made it real. Because I thought if I kept him in a neat box, he wouldn’t get out.

“I bet leaving him in Sweden was hard,” Max commented.

I bit the inside of my lip. It was hard, so goddamn hard. And not calling. Not checking up on him had been fucking torture.

“My home is here,” was all I said.

“Well, now so is he.”

“There is no me and Lars. I don’t want there to be,” I burst out. Not yelling but not calm either.

“You sure about that?”

His question made my heart scream. Made me feel like I was betraying myself and, even worse, Lars for denying everything I felt. I couldn’t say that, though.

So instead, I asked, “You aren’t even surprised about me being bi?”

He turned smug. “I’m your best friend. I already knew.”

“Liar.”

Max said nothing.

I had to know. “Since when?”

“Since you and Timmy Pickles hooked up under the bleachers in high school.”

I made a face. “His name wasn’t Timmy Pickles.”

Max smiled. “But there was someone.”

Realizing I was caught, I muttered, “You asshole.”

Max smiled more but then turned serious. “You want to tell me why you’re fighting this so hard?”

I shook my head. “I can’t.”

He nodded. “I respect that. Can I say one thing?”

I gestured for him to go ahead.

“Falling in love is easy.”

I made a rude sound and flipped him off.

He laughed. “Seriously, falling in love takes almost no effort at all. I never even had to try with Wes. Hell, I triednotto. For years and years. But it was already there. He was already part of me.”