Page 81 of Ascending
“Can I come in? I feel like your neighbors are going to call the cops on me. I’ve been coming here every day, remember?”
“This is New York. No one cares enough to call the cops.” Palmer inhaled deeply and let it out through her nose. “You can come in, but just for a minute, Anna.”
“Yeah, fine. That’s fine.” Anna moved into the apartment.
Palmer regretted the decision immediately but closed the door behind her ex-girlfriend anyway.
“What did you want to say?” Palmer asked.
“I figured out what I want, Palmer.” Anna shrugged as she turned around to look at her. “I thought I needed to, I don’t know, find myself, which is such a cliché and should be something I do in my forties or something, but I don’t need that. I don’t want to be with other women. I want to be with you.”
“Anna, you said that in your email and in your texts. I told you I don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry. I don’t want to get back together with you.”
“You said you loved me in the email.”
“I said Ilovedyou. Yes, I did love you.”
“You don’t anymore?”
“Anna, you told me I wasn’t enough for you. You needed someone else or, possibly, multiple people. I tried. I did. I triedbecauseI loved you. When I went on my vacation, I thought about what I would say to you when I got back. I kept going back to the fact that you needed someone else, and I wanted one person.”
“I can be that person now, Palmer.” She moved into Palmer’s space.
“No, you can’t. You’re not that person for me, Anna. And I’m not that person for you, either.” Palmer stepped back. “I’m sorry, but I just woke up, and I have a million things to do.”
“No, I get it,” Anna said, looking down at the chipped hardwood floor. “Were you with someone else over there?”
“You don’t get to ask me that, Anna.”
“I know.” The woman looked back up. “You’re right. I’ll go.”
Palmer sighed and said, “You were with someone else, Anna.Youdid that. I didn’t. I wasn’t with anyone else, okay?”
“Yeah, okay. I guess I thought it would make it easier, knowing, but it just makes me feel like more of an asshole.” She laughed at herself.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s on me. All of this is on me, okay? Don’t ever think you weren’t enough for me, Palmer. You were. You’ll be enough for someone else, too. They’ll just be smart enough to keep you.”
With that, Anna left.
???
It had been three days since Palmer had returned home, and after a stern lecture about what it takes to be an investigative reporter from her boss, a visit from her ex-girlfriend, three loads of laundry, five hours of Christmas shopping for her parents and her sister, along with the secret Santa gift she needed to get for the office gift exchange, Palmer was more than exhausted. She regretted not getting a flight when there had been good deals earlier in the fall, but she’d been so focused on her failing relationship with Anna and her desire to go on a vacation that she’d wanted to save up money for her solo trip and not for a flight. It was only a six-hour drive, seven or eight with breaks and the weather, which wasn’t great but wasn’t nearly as cold as St.Rais.
Strangely enough, she found herself missing that level of cold. There was just something about it that, even though she complained a lot, she enjoyed being all layered up, walking through the city trying to find something to eat or a place to check out. Of course, that was probably more about St. Rais than the weather, but Palmer couldn’t focus on that right now. She’d thought about Elizabeth the entire flight home, refusing to let any tears fall until she arrived home. When she’d flopped onto her own bed, she thought about how she missed Elizabeth’s. When she tried to make coffee, she thought about how she liked the instant stuff she’d found in St. Rais and the fancy stuff she always got at the palace. When she cranked up the heat, she thought about how she missed the fires that didn’t just provide warmth but comfort as well. She missed St. Rais. And she missed Elizabeth more.
Palmer hated the way they’d left things. They were finally getting somewhere. Finding out about Elizabeth and Teagan only made Palmer think that she hadn’t been crazy in what she was feeling. There was a small chance that Elizabeth had felt it, too. But if Elizabeth felt something, she wasn’t ready to admit it, and Palmer couldn’t just wait around St. Rais hoping she would one day. Teagan had essentially done that, and their relationship had fallen apart at the end.
Palmer packed everything she needed into the rental car and hit the road. Elizabeth hadn’t reached out, but Palmer had sent an email with the details of her visit to Pittsburgh should Elizabeth decide to come, after all. Palmer missed her like crazy. There were three days until Christmas, and she hoped beyond hope that Elizabeth would call her and say she’d be there soon. If she didn’t, Palmer didn’t know what would happen to them. Would she still visit in the summer? Would things ever be the same with them? Would their friendship or whatever it could have been just end, after the best weeks of Palmer’s life?
She stopped for gas and snacks about halfway to Pittsburgh and checked her phone for messages just in case. Not finding any, she couldn’t resist taking a moment to do a quick Google search, typing ‘Queen Antonia’ I into her phone. The Christmas address was hours ago now, if it went according to the schedule Elizabeth had given her. Finding the YouTube link posted by the palace, she clicked on the video, leaned back in the driver’s seat, and watched Elizabeth, who was sitting behind a desk Palmer didn’t recognize, looking regal and confident as ever.
“My fellow citizens, this has been a trying year for all of us. As I am sure you could imagine, giving this speech is not something I thought I’d ever have to do. My father delivered this speech every year for many years. My grandfather did before him, and so on and so on. The plan was for my brother Martin to deliver this speech, and then his young daughter Edwina would take the throne and carry on the tradition one day. It’s a hard thing for us to consider taking over one after the other because it means we lost someone we loved. In this case, I lost many people I loved, as did others. Mothers and fathers lost sons and daughters, brothers and sisters lost siblings, friends lost friends. And all because a group of people in St. Rais no longer believes a monarchy is necessary. I’ve longed believed not only in the necessity of the monarchy but also in its relevance even today. I recognize that some of you – perhaps, even many of you – would disagree or find that statement self-serving, but I assure you it’s not. The monarchy of St. Rais is unlike any other monarchy in the world. We are not funded by our taxpayers. We’ve said this before, but I believe after the events of this year, that it may bear repeating. This building I live in, the houses owned by my family, the staff that works so hard for us, and everything else is paid for out of the money my family has earned and invested for generations. While it is true that tax money is diverted in our name toward our interests, our interests havealwaysbeen in bettering the lives of the citizens of St. Rais. We supply all of you with every bit of information you need to see that this is true, and yet, there are people who still doubt us and our intentions enough to commit an act of terrorism, murdering fifteen people. They’d planned to murder more as well. Their plan would have killed my sister, Victoria, myself, and several others who are only doing their jobs in providing our security. I find it hard to swallow that we, in St.Rais, have to commit these types of acts when we have a democratic government where votes can be cast, speeches can be made, and campaigns can begin in earnest. There is the right to free speech, and if there is the desire to remove the monarchy of this country, all that would be needed is an act of Parliament brought about by the citizens of St.Rais. I love my country. I was raised to believe that being a member of the royal family was my duty, as it was my father’s before me and all of my siblings. However, if this nation no longer believes in that duty, it might be time for a change.” Elizabeth paused. She was really about to do this. “I have consulted my sister as well as the Prime Minister and key members of Parliament in this decision. I cannot simply step down as your Queen. Because it is my duty, I would be letting down my ancestors if I abdicate. That would also only put my sister in the same position I’m in now. So, instead, I’ve asked Parliament to bring about an emergency vote of confidence in the monarchy. In two months’ time, there will be a nationwide vote. Every citizen who meets the legal and age requirements will be allowed to vote on whether or not the monarchy should remain in St.Rais. If the vote is no, Victoria, myself, and the rest of our family will be stripped of our titles, and there will be a plan put in place by Parliament and the Prime Minister for the nation after the monarchy is dissolved. However, I am hopeful that you still find value in our charitable works and our support of this country. If the vote is that the monarchy remains, I will continue on as your Queen, and I will do anything and everything I can in support of this amazing country. Now, I will leave you with this message. Each Christmas, despite what has gone on during the year, it was the King’s duty – and now my own – to express my sympathies to those who are alone or have been driven from their homes by war or violence, as well as those who have been lost to the same things. For harmony in St. Rais to return, we must find the healing power of tolerance. Friendship and love must be allowed to play a part in our society. We must work together despite our differences. We must celebrate these holidays with those we love because they are sometimes taken far too soon.” Elizabeth’s eyes welled with tears. “Please welcome in the new year with a new hope for peace and prosperity for all. Happy Christmas to everyone. I wish you joy and happiness, love and safety.”
That was it. The video ended. Palmer couldn’t wait; she called Elizabeth immediately.
“I’m sure you’re busy or asleep. I just wanted to tell you how unbelievably brave and strong you are, and that I am so proud of you, Elizabeth. I haven’t told my family that you’re not coming yet, which means they’re saving a place for you. I hope I don’t have to tell them that you’ve changed your mind. If I don’t get to see you, though, Merry Christmas, because that’s how we say it in America. And… I don’t know… I guess I’ll just say that I miss you.” She hung up when she’d left her message.