Page 88 of Ascending

“He was religious, Vicky.”

“So was Mom. And she was okay with it.”

“Probably not withitbeing in her family if she knew. I mean, tell me what other monarchy had a second or third in line for the throne that were both gay.”

“You and Alex both got demoted when Edwina and Anthony came along, anyway. If that asshole hadn’t taken our family from us, Martin would’ve taken over for Dad, and he would’ve been a perfect cookie-cutter King. Lyla would’ve made an amazing Queen Consort. Little Edwina would have followed in their footsteps, and Alex could’ve gotten divorced because he would have been fourth in line. You and Teagan could’ve just been together. Who knows? Maybe Lyla and Martin would have had more kids. They were talking about it before it happened, you know? And the further down the line you go, the less people care about who you are, what you do, or whom you do it with.” Victoria paused before adding, “But none of that matters anymore, Lizzy. You’re gay, andyou’rethe Queen. You can show the country that love is love, and it doesn’t matter if it’s between a man and a woman, a man and a man, or a woman and another woman. Gay marriage passed in St.Rais. You wouldn’t be alone.”

“There’s no point going through all that if I’m not going to be Queen in a couple of months.”

“There is if you’ve found someone,” Victoria argued.

Elizabeth rolled onto her side and said, “I haven’t.”

“Don’t lie to me, Lizzy. But more importantly, don’t lie to yourself. You like Palmer. In fact, I think you might be falling in love with her.”

“Palmer is an amazing woman. I–”

“Don’t give me some line about how she lives there, and you live here, or how you’re the Queen and she’s an American. None of that crap matters when you care about someone, Lizzy.”

“I cared about Teagan,” Elizabeth replied.

“You loved Teagan, but that relationship had run its course. Neither of you wanted to admit it, but that’s the truth. I’m convinced she married Alex in a last-ditch chance to try to make it work between the two of you, which ended up breaking the two of you up.”

“We were still together.”

“You just hadn’t said the words, Lizzy, but you two hadn’t been in love for a long time. Look, I know it’s hard for me to relate or identify; I’ve had one serious boyfriend before David, but it was never like how it was with you and Teagan. You two grew up together. You were best friends first. Then, you were together for years – it’s got to be hard to end something like that. And then you lost her so abruptly.” Victoria sighed. “I wish I could bring Teagan back to you just so you could get the closure you need to move on, because Palmer is great, Lizzy. I can tell she cares about you. And I can see that you care about her, too. Just don’t push her away. Don’t make excuses. Just be with her while you’re there; see how it goes. And if you think it could be something, the two of you will figure it out, okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“What are you so afraid of?”

“Teagan wanted to leave me. What if Palmer does, too?”

“Well, we’re all afraid of that, aren’t we? David and I are engaged to be married – we’llbemarried soon, and there’s always a chance he could leave. There’s a chanceIcould, too. You can only love someone and hope that you grow together, not apart, right? Mom and Dad grew together. Growing up, I could always tell how she changed him for the better, and he changed her for the better, too. Even though he could be an asshole sometimes, he never was with her. In every relationship, there’s that chance they could leave, Lizzy. But that doesn’t mean you give up trying to find someone.”

“What if I’m not ready?”

“Do you like her?”

“Yes,” she admitted out loud for the first time.

“Is she worth it, Lizzy? Is she worth the risk?”

“Yes.”

“Then, if you’re not ready for something – whatever it is – you tell her. And if she’s the kind of person that’s worthy of you, she’ll understand, and she’ll wait.”

“I can’t ask her to wait for me.”

“You can let her make the decision for herself.”

“What if I’m never ready?”

“You will be, Lizzy. You will be.”

???

“I can’t believethatwas what you wanted to do,” Palmer said the next day.