Page 12 of Tutor With Benefits
“Beats walking around with a stick shoved up it like our hoity-toity goody-goody who just fell flat on her face,” I tell them. “And you notice not a single person right there with her got up to help? That says a lot about the kind of person she is if you ask me. I can’t see really anyone else falling like that and no one doing shit about it but laughing their asses off at her.”
“Not even her beloved got up to give her a hand,” Zach says as he clutches his hands to his heart as though he’s devastated for her sake.
“Wait, you said something about she’s got a thing for Johnny?” Cory asks. “I thought you did but I missed that part, back it up and give me the deets. I can come up with all kinds of shit to throw at her when we’re in class.”
“God, you haven’t noticed?” Zach asks as he rolls his eyes. “It’s like as soon as Johnny walks into the room the angels start singing and she’s lost in a field of flowers or something. It reminds me of those cartoons we used to watch as kids when the background just turns into a sickening meadow and everything is perfect between the two of them.”
He sticks out his tongue and gags once more, and Cory laughs. “Poor Johnny. I wonder if he has any idea she’s creaming over him,” he muses.
“Fuck if I know. I have to deal with the way she stares at him like some creepy goldfish while we’re in class. I can’t get past those huge, blank eyes as she’s just like literally staring at him. Like she wants to devour his entire soul by sucking it in through her pupils,” Zach says as he picks up his and Cory’s empty soda cups and puts the narrow end over his eyes, making them look like long goggles.
“Oh Johnny, Johnny! Love of my life and my everything, perhaps if I stare at you enough, my eyeballs will bore a hole right through your skull and you’ll finally take notice of me! Johnny, I want to have your babies, Johnny!” Zach says, his voice high-pitched as he continues to swoon.
We both laugh again.
“What a loser. God, at least say something to him instead of just staring like that. What a fucking freak!” I say.
“You’re talking about the girl who closed the door in our faces this afternoon, then totally ate shit with a tray full of food in her hands,” Zach told me. “Tripping on absolutely nothing. What makes you think she’s got the balls to walk up and say shit to him?”
“God, if he were to tell her he doesn’t share her interest she’d probably crawl into the bathtub and die,” Cory says. “Make sure the razor blades are locked up when he breaks that one to her.”
“I don’t get girls sometimes,” Zach says. “It’s like they think that we can just pick up on the fact that they like us if they stare at us long enough. Like, why not just say something to him? If he’s not into you, oh well, move on. If he is, then great, you had the guts to walk up to him and say so. That can go a long way with a guy.”
“It does with me,” I say. “I dated a girl in high school I never thought was hot until she walked up to me in the hall one day and flat out said she liked me. I don’t know what it was about her, but like, the fact that she had the guts to say something made me think she was a lot more interesting than just hiding behind shit all day staring at me.”
“Yep,” Cory says.
“Pathetic.” Zach shakes his head.
It’s not much like us to sit and make fun of someone who embarrassed themselves like Tori did, but we can do it easily without remorse in this situation after the way she turned us down earlier. Not that it has any real payoff since she has no idea that we’re making fun of her, but at least now we feel a little better about ourselves.
“Okay, the last thing I’ve got to say about this is that whatever you want to call it—karma, fate, comeuppance, whatever—it was made that much sweeter just because we know without a doubt her crush saw it happen. That in itself makes me hope she’s dying of embarrassment right now, and maybe she’ll cool it the next time we’re in English together,” Zach announces.
“Too bad she’s not crushing on one of us. We could like, I don’t know, trade going out with her for the tutoring,” Cory says. “Not like we’re good enough friends with Johnny to convince him to take one for the team and go out with her for our sake, right?”
“I could offer him money,” Zach says. “Not sure even that would be enough to get him to do it though.”
“Does he like her?” Cory asks.
“I don’t know if he even realizes she exists,” Zach says with a shrug. “Like I said, it’s all one-sided with her staring at him with those goo-goo eyes, and I’m pretty sure he’s just oblivious to it all. I, on the other hand, get to see the entire disgusting display, being the lucky one to sit right behind her in English.”
“That’s it!” I say suddenly, slamming my cup down on the table with enough force that my two friends nearly jump out of their seats.
“Jesus, next time you have a fucking epiphany, can you calm it down a bit?” Zach demands. “You about gave me a fucking heart attack over here.”
“Sorry,” I tell him. “I was just listening to what you were saying, and it dawned on me that we have the answer right in front of us, it’s just a matter of doing it.”
“What do you mean?” Cory asks. “If you weren’t paying attention, we just said it doesn’t sound like Johnny’s going to take one for the team even if we did offer him some money to do it.”
“What Zach said was he’s not sure if Johnny even knows that she exists,” I reply. “And that gave me the idea that we can make a smart play on this and come out ahead even now. It’s just a matter of knowing the right moves to make, and trust me, boys, we’re going to have her eating right out of our hands.”
“I’m not following,” Zach says as he glances over to Cory to see if Cory is having any better luck figuring out what it is I’m implying.
But Cory just shrugs and shakes his head when he meets Zach’s gaze.
That’s fine with me. The solution is so simple, it’s almost laughable none of us thought of it any sooner. I’m actually surprised Zach didn’t think of it when he realized what a crush she has on Johnny.
He’s going to feel stupid when he hears what I have to say.