Page 66 of Tutor With Benefits

“Good luck!” Anna told me.

We talked about other things before we hung up, but when I woke up this morning, I didn’t have any concrete answers formed in my brain. I’m not sure whether I’m in love with the guys. It’s so easy to say I love them because I do. But do I love them to the point that I want to give up Johnny? I don’t know.

I have to figure this out.

I have to talk to Johnny.

I’ve run through a variety of scenarios in my mind, but I haven’t come up with any that I feel will be a surefire approach to talking to him again, and I decide I’ll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it, and entirely based on what he has to say to me first.

And it happens on my way out the door.

“Tori!” he calls out. “Wait up.”

“Oh, hey Johnny,” I say to him.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” he asks, pulling me to the side of the hall as he does.

We’re in the way of the student flow as they all walk through the hall right where we’re standing, so I’m glad for the chance to get out of the way. Even if I have changed a lot in the past month, there are still a few things about me that have remained the same. One of those things is the fact that I don’t like being in the way of anyone.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“My parents are going out on the yacht this weekend, and I was wondering if you wanted to join. Lake Michigan, you know and, well, it would be a great way for you and me to spend some time together one-on-one. I know they’re not going to want to bother us, and the sentiment goes both ways.”

I hesitate. There was a time not that long ago when I would have done a backflip if he’d asked me to join him and his parents out on their boat. The fact that he would want me to meet his parents is enough to tell me that he’s got long-term intentions for us.

But, there are two things that happen to me when he asks if I want to join. The first thing I notice is that my mind immediately goes to the guys. I can’t help but wonder what they would have to say about it if they found out I went with Johnny and his parents out on their boat for the weekend. And of course they would find out about it. They keep an eye on me, they aren’t stupid. They would know.

After we all said that we loved each other a few days ago, I can’t get them out of my head. I have entertained the idea of the four of us being a real thing more in the past couple days than I ever thought I would in my life, and I really think I would enjoy life more if it was that way.

On the other hand, this is Johnny.

I don’t want to lose my shot with him. I have worked so hard to get his attention, and now that I have it, I want to make the most of the opportunity. I’m afraid the real reason I’m hesitating to go along with him is that I don’t want to lose the guys. It puts me in a tough spot, and I wonder how women ever do make a real choice over who they want to spend their lives with.

All these thoughts flash through my mind in an instant, and I simply smile and shake my head before I even realize what it is I’m doing. Then it hits me. I am very easily and naturally telling him I don’t want to go out with him this weekend.

I never would have thought this day would come, but here I am, telling him I don’t want to.

“I already have plans for the weekend,” I tell him. “But thank you so much for the invite. Maybe another time?”

“Oh, sure,” he says. I can tell he’s disappointed, and I’m relieved he doesn’t ask me what the plans are. I would have no idea what to tell him in response to that, but I maintain that I do, and simply stand my ground. “Take pics if you think of it. I would love to see them when you get home.”

“Will do.” He grins. “See you Monday.”

“Bye!”

I feel a little guilty. I know I’m keeping him on the hook at least a little because I don’t know for sure what I want, and I don’t want to give up yet. I want to be certain of my choice before I make any real moves, and without any real certainty in my head, I have to keep him as an option for now.

I turn and nearly run right into Zach.

Crying out, I put my hand over my mouth.

“What are you doing sneaking up on me like that, you freak?” I ask as I playfully slap his chest.

“I was just heading out and I saw you and lover boy talking, so I figured I would come on over to see what the two of you were going on about.” He smirks.

“That doesn’t scream stalker at all,” I tell him with a shake of my head. “Way to be creepy.”

“Eh, it’s what I do,” he says. “But I did hear you tell him that you can’t go out on his rich-ass boat with him because you have other plans. And that made me wonder what those other plans happen to be.”