Page 26 of See Me

My peace was disturbed on my fourth day of self-pity. The barrage of knocks was enough to announce her presence, but Marina had never been interested in subtlety. “Benjamin Jacobs I swear on all that is holy you better open up this door.”

Rather than risk a noise complaint I got myself up from the couch and opened the door. She stood there with her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. “You look like shit.”

She pushed past me into my apartment and shook her head. “Your place looks like shit too.”

I had figured she would come by at some point, so I wasn’t completely surprised. I retook my spot on the couch. “What do you want?”

Marina found the remote and shut off the T.V. “What do I want? What doyouwant? Do you really think disappearing like this is the way to handle things? I don’t know what happened between you and Oliver, but he’s been asking me like five times a day if I’ve heard from you. You’re being ridiculous right now, babe. You can’t just hide from your problems like this.”

“Why not?”

She pinched the bridge of her nose and sat down beside me. “What happened?”

I ran my hand over my cheek, the stubble pricking my skin. “That business meeting I picked him up from on Saturday, it wasn’t a business meeting. He had lunch with Lauren Polk. She kissed him before she left.”

“Oh.” Marina sighed. “That’ll do it.”

“I don’t know what to do anymore. This whole time I told myself that I knew he wasn’t interested in me, not the way I’m interested in him. That was supposed to be fine, but it’s not.” I dropped my head into my hands. “What’s going to happen when he starts getting serious with someone else? I don’t think I can spend the rest of my life watching him in the mirror. I want him to see me, not just my reflection.”

Marina’s hand rested on my back, rubbing soft, slow circles. “I want you to do what you need to for your own happiness. But you absolutely cannot disappear on me again, okay? I was worried about you.”

“Yeah, I know. This isn’t exactly my best look.”

She chuckled. “No, but that’s okay. I’m not one to judge.” She paused for a moment, looking away. “Are you going to come back to work?”

That was a question I hadn’t been able to shake, and I still didn’t have an answer. I was afraid to commit. If I took that step, I wasn’t sure there would be a way back.

“I’m not sure,” I answered as honestly as I could. “I don’t know if I can take it.”

She didn’t press any further. Marina stayed with me for a few hours, but I finally convinced her I was fine to be alone. That was what I wanted, anyway; some time to myself.

I needed to make my decision. Working for Oliver was going to be too hard, for me at least. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was fine with it. After all, I was just satisfying his curiosity.

***

After she left I managed to clean up most of the apartment. The more I thought about it, the more sure I was. I was going to quit. I couldn’t work for him anymore. If I did, I would have to watch him fall in love with some girl, get married, maybe even have children. All the while I would just be his driver. Someday I might be able to face him again, but as long as I still loved him, my presence would do more harm than good.

So that was that. I had enough money saved up to hold me over until I found something new. I’m sure William would give me a glowing recommendation, even if it hurt him for me to leave. Marina would still be my friend even if we didn’t work in the same place, so it wasn’t like I would be starting completely over. It was going to be okay, even if it took a while.

I had just finished the dishes when another round of knocking hit my door. I sighed. I really was going to get a noise complaint. It was probably Marina again. She had already warned me that she planned on showing up unannounced to make sure I hadn’t run off in the night.

“I’m coming,” I called, but the knocking didn’t slow. It was loud, frantic even.

I didn’t bother looking through the peephole before I unlocked the door. “Calm down, Marina,” I began, but the words died on my tongue.

It wasn’t Marina.

It was Oliver.

Chapter Fourteen

“Oliver,” I whispered, not knowing what to say. His eyes glistened, the skin around them puffy. My chest ached at the sight and I longed to reach out to him, but I kept my hands by my side. “What are you doing here?”

His hands were in fists, and there was an angry energy rushing from his body. “Fuck you,” he said, then barreled into me.

I yelped as he knocked me over, wincing as my back hit the floor. He was on top of me, holding me down as he straddled my waist. Before I could speak he was bringing his fists down upon me, but not nearly hard enough to hurt.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to grab his wrists.