Page 10 of Don't Let Me Break
“Nothing’s up,” I argue because I’m sure as heck not going to bring up the fact I may or may not have had a dirty dream or two involving her boyfriend’s older brother, and the idea of voicing it aloud makes me literally feel like I’m going to puke.
“Okay, sure. Nothing’s up. Regardless, Mack’s basically a golden retriever and is the sweetest person I’ve ever met, despite you being kind of rude to him. So, my question is…why don’t you want to get to know the guy?”
“Uh, because he’s old?” I offer, the first excuse rising to the surface like oil in water.
She picks up her set of weights from the ground and props them on her shoulders. “Uh, first of all, pretty sure that’s age discrimination, and second of all, he’s only like eight years or so older than you. What’s your next excuse?”
“First of all,” I mimic, “eight years is a decent amount of time, and second of all, he’s Theo’s older brother.”
“So?”
“So even if I was delusional enough to go down that road, what if things got messy?” I ask. “We have mutual friends. It would be weird.”
“Uh, what road?” she challenges.
“Uh, what do you mean? I didn’t mention a road.”
“Uh-huh, sure. You said you’re not delusional enough to go down that road because things could get messy. Do you like him?”
“I just told you I didn’t.”
“Yeah, but I don’t believe you,” she decides. “And as for things getting messy, you do remember you’re talking to the girl who’s dating her brother’s best friend, correct?” She wipes her set of weights with some Clorox wipes and puts them back onto the stand, then grabs mine, wiping them and setting them back onto the rack. “What’s your next excuse?”
Resting my hip against the stand, I point out, “Okay. I just got out of a relationship with Wes.”
“Who’s an ass,” she reminds me. “So?”
“So, maybe I’m not ready to date anyone.”
“Also, debatable, but so far, it’s your most believable excuse. Any other reasons why you don’t want to get to know Macklin?”
“He saw me have a seizure,” I blurt out. The truth hits harder than she probably realizes, but it doesn’t make the reality of the situation go away. He saw me have a seizure. Actually, not only did he see it, he had a front-row seat to the whole thing. And seizures? They’re messy. And uncontrollable. And heart-stopping. Not only for the one experiencing them but also for the people who witness them. It’s not like I can let my guard down with someone who sees me like I’m a ticking time bomb. It isn’t fair to me, and it sure as hell isn’t fair to them, either.
This is why I didn’t want to tell Wes about my disability. Because I didn’t want him to look at me differently. And starting a friendship––er, whatever––after having already witnessed said disability? Nope. No, thank you.
“So?” Blakely prods.
“So, he saw me have a seizure,” I repeat.
“And that’s a problem because…?” Her voice trails off as she pushes out her hip, resting her hand on it.
I glance over my shoulder, confirming we’re relatively alone and our conversation is still somewhat private. Satisfied, I keep my voice low and mutter, “Because he’ll treat me differently.”
“No, he won’t.”
“Yes, he will.”
“No,” she repeats with a laugh. “He won’t. The guy doesn’t get squeamish over anything, Kate. And I’m not even kidding. Trust me. One time, he was playing roller hockey on the street with a bunch of kids from the neighborhood, and one of them fell. Hard. His bone was literally sticking out of his arm, Kate.Literally.” Her nose wrinkles as if she can still picture the damage. “No one wanted to come within five feet of the kid except Mack. The guy broke his hockey stick and used it as a splint, tying it with his T-shirt to the kid’s arm as we waited for the ambulance to show up. He was fifteen.”
“Seriously?”
Blake nods. “Yeah. Seriously. So, trust me when I say your little seizure was a cakewalk for the guy.”
We both know she’s lying and is trying to downplay the event to prove a point, but I’m grateful for it nonetheless. It isn’t going to convince me to give the guy a chance, but still. Iamgrateful.
“Well, regardless,” I mutter, “I’m not looking to make any new friends.Period.So…”
“Why not?”