Page 55 of Don't Let Me Break
“You think I’m happy about this, Mia?” Ash growls. “Your safety––”
“I can take care of myself, Ash.”
“Bullshit,” Ash grits out. “What if Theo and Colt weren’t there tonight? What if they hadn’t stepped in? What if the guy cornered you after your shift when you were walking to your car? What then, Mia? Do you have any idea how scared I am for you? How much I love you and care about you, and how much I’m freaking out over the idea of any of those creepers being able to find you and possibly hurt you? And the fact you couldn’t even trust me enough to tell me about your financial issues before all of this––”
“This has nothing to do with trust,” Mia snaps.
“This has everything to do with trust!” Ash yells. “You’re one of my best friends, Mia. Why won’t you let me in?” Tears well in Ashlyn’s eyes, but she doesn’t wipe them away. She lets them fall. One after the other, they slip down her cheeks and drip off her chin as she shakes her head back and forth, staring at Mia. Waiting for an explanation. A reason. An apology.
“I’m sorry,” Mia whispers, the crack in her exterior finally breaking free. She collapses onto the couch, resting her elbows on her knees as she threads her fingers through her long blonde hair and tugs. “I needed money, and things got out of control. I started out on TikTok and stuff. Nothing crazy. But I was good at it. Good at getting views. Holding people’s interest.”
“How did you never come up on our For You page on TikTok?” Blake asks.
“I blocked your accounts. I blocked everyone I knew,” Mia explains. “When someone suggested I start an OnlyFans account, I thought, why not? I won’t show my face. No one will know it’s me, and I’ll be able to make some quick cash. I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want anyone to look at me differently.” She drops her hands and peeks over at Ash, her eyes glazed with remorse. “Shorty found out what I’d been doing to make the extra money to cover rent and school, and he was pissed at me. So he told them. Told everyone. One fucking tweet and everything fell apart. I shut down the site, obviously, but once the photos and videos are out there, they’re out there. There’s no taking them back. No erasing them.”
She looks so helpless. So hopeless. So exhausted.
I collapse onto the cushion beside Mia. “How often have people tracked you down?”
Mia shrugs. “Only a few times. Three, maybe four.”
“And the pepper spray?” Blake prods.
“I bought it after a guy cornered me on my way to class a few months ago.”
Blake nods, the pieces finally falling into place.
“What are you going to do?” Ash whispers.
“I dunno. I keep waiting for it to die down, but as soon as it does, something like tonight happens.”
“Does your uncle know?” Ash presses, mentioning Mia’s rockstar uncle with more connections than the president of the United States.
“If Fender or my aunt knew, I wouldn’t even be able to pee without a bodyguard following my ass,” Mia mutters.
“Maybe that’s a good thing,” I point out. “Maybe you could use a bodyguard. Only for a little while.”
Mia shakes her head. “No. I can’t. I don’t want to. It’ll be fine.”
“Will it?” Ash demands. Her voice is stronger. Sharper.
“Yeah. It will,” Mia returns, refusing to back down. “Because it has to be. If I’ve learned anything from my life, it’s that we can’t bitch about the hand we’re dealt. We can’t go back and ask for new cards. We have to play with what we have. And yeah, I fucked up. I have no choice but to deal with it and move forward. And I will. I’m going to move forward. And I’m going to wait for this bullshit to die down because itwilldie down at some point. And I willneversell pictures or videos of my body again. It’s that simple. But I am sorry,” she adds, her eyes gathering with tears as she looks at Ash, then Blake, then me. She sniffles and wipes beneath her nose with the back of her hand. “I really am sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how.”
“It’s okay,” Ash murmurs. She sits on Mia’s opposite side and wraps her arm around her. “We’ll move forward together. We’ll wait for the bullshit to die down together. But you need to promise me something.”
“What?” Mia whispers.
“Promise me you’ll talk to us,” Ash urges. “Promise me you won’t run by yourself again. Promise me you’ll keep the pepper spray in your hand when you walk to class or when you walk to your car at night. Promise me you’ll let us help you if you ever need it, and you’ll share your location with all of us just in case.”
Mia nods. “I promise.”
“Good,” Ash decides.
“Can I say something?” Blake interjects. When all eyes are on her, she announces, “If I ever see Shorty, I’m going to neuter him.”
I let out a breath of laughter, grateful for the comic relief no matter how laced with sincerity it is.
“Here, here!” I chant.