Page 48 of Let Me Love You
“Yeah.” The familiar sense of being suffocated washes over me, making it hard to breathe. I tug at the collar of my T-shirt. “Will you come with me?”
Her pretty, full lips pull into a frown as she hesitates. “Do youwantme to come with you?”
“You know I d—”
“Do I?” she interrupts.
“Ash,” I plead.
“No offense, but you hid this from me. Doesn’t exactly make me feel like you want to include me in any of this.”
“I was scared.”
“Yeah, well, so am I,” she argues. “Which is ironic since I know this has nothing to do with me, but—”
“It haseverythingto do with you.” I rush toward her and grab her hands, hating how they shake. Hating how I’m the one who made her feel this way. The one who’s making her uncomfortable. Anxious.
Fuck, this is all my fault, and I’d do anything to fix this. To make it better. To erase the little divot between her brows. But there’s no going back. There’s no fixing this. Our only option is to move forward. And dammit, Ineedus to move forward.
“We’re in this together, Sunshine. I want us to be in this together.”
Her attention falls to our laced fingers. She closes her eyes. Pained. Insecure.
“Are you sure?” she whispers.
“Can’t say it any more bluntly, Sunshine.”
A breath of laughter spills out of her, but she looks like she’s about to cry, leaving me feeling helpless.
“How can I fix this?” I beg.
“I’m scared,” she breathes out. Her declaration fans across my face.
“Me too.” I fight the urge to pull her against me. To sweep us away and never look back. But I can’t. I can’t run. I can’t escape. No matter how much I want to. I have to face this, but I need Ash by my side as I do. If she leaves? If she calls it quits? I’m not sure I’ll survive.
“I don’t want this to come between us, Ash,” I tell her. “I need us to face this together, or I’m scared I won’t be able to face this at all.”
And it’s the truth. I can’t do this. Not without my Sunshine.
“Okay.” She gulps. Then, her eyes meet mine. “I’ll go with you.”
“Thank you.” I move slowly, giving her plenty of time to reject me. When my lips brush against her forehead, and she doesn’t jerk away from me, I breathe a little easier, the vice around my chest loosening. And fuck, a tiny spark of hope ignites inside of me as I repeat, “Thank you.”
Her body sags against mine, and she nods.
“The baby will be there too,” I add. “Just so you know. I don’t want you to feel blindsided or anything.”
She nods, digesting the curveball. “And your ex?”
“She was never my ex.” I squeeze her hand.
“I mean, technically…” Her voice trails off as if she can’t stomach the idea of me being with someone else. And honestly, I get it. I can’t stomach the thought of her being with anyone else, either. It doesn’t matter that we both have our pasts and wish we could erase them. They’re still there. They’ll always be there. Even when the reminder is a bitch to swallow. And mine is glaring down at us. My past. The reminder I’ve been with someone else before I even knew she existed. But she doesn’t get it. I could’ve been with a thousand women before her, and none of them would’ve mattered. Because they weren’tmySunshine.
My Adam’s apple bobs in my throat as I try to find a way to help her understand it, but I don’t know how.
Her wet hair hangs down her back, and I toy with the strands as if they’re my lifeline. “You gotta understand who I was back then, Ash. I was a different guy. A stranger. Couldn’t even look in the mirror most days. I was her dirty little secret, and she was…” I shake my head, unsure of what else to say.
“What was she?” Ashlyn prods.