Page 78 of Let Me Love You
With a subtle nod, I answer the call before I can talk myself out of it, refusing to roll over and play the victim because Mia’s right. I’ve been doing it too much lately, and I need to stop.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Hey. Sorry I couldn’t talk for a second. What’s up?” Colt asks.
“Just checking in,” I lie, avoiding Mia’s pointed gaze as I swirl the straw in my glass. “How was the meeting with Buchanan?”
“Shitty,” he mutters. “I don’t know if you read the article or not, but it was bad. One more bad stunt and I’m off the team.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.” His sigh confirms how much he’s hurting, and I rub at the knot in my chest, wishing I could hold him. Wishing I could make the pain go away.
If only I had that much power.
“How was your conversation with Eleanor?” I ask.
“Fine. We’re gonna meet for coffee in a few days.”
My throat tightens, so I take a sip of my drink to clear it. “Oh.”
“It isn’t a date,” he tells me. “She just wants to talk.”
I force a smile even though he can’t see me, attempting to channel my inner badass, but it’s harder than I expect. “I believe you.”
“Ash, I’m serious.”
“I trust you,” I tell him. And I do. I trust Colt more than anyone else in the world. And I hate how he feels caught between me and everything else. I hate it more than anything. Mia’s right. I’ve been playing the easy card, rolling over and allowing people to take what they want from me without standing up for myself. So I’m done. I want Colt. I choose Colt. Even when it’s hard. Like right now.
“You all right?” he asks.
“Yeah. Exhausted like always, lately,” I admit with a laugh. “But I’m okay.”
“Where are you?” he prods. “You don’t sound like you’re at home.”
I glance at the noisy couple a few stools away from me and cover the mouthpiece on my phone, trying to block them out. “Yeah, sorry. I’m at SeaBird.”
“Why?” he questions.
“I wanted to talk to Mia and get her advice.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. She made a good point.”
“About what?”
“About you and me and how I’ve been treating you lately,” I admit.
The defeat is clear in his tone as he sighs my name. “Ash…”
“I’m sorry, Colt. I'm sorry I've been in such a weird mood lately. I'm sorry for acting like I'm not all in with us. I’ve been struggling to see where I fit in with everything. But I’m tired of making myself small in hopes of accommodating everything and everyone else around us. So, I’m not going to do it anymore. I’m done being a coward. I’m done being the martyr like you mentioned last night.”
“Ash—”
“Let me finish,” I beg. “I know you feel like it’s your job to take care of me and to make me happy. And you do. You do take care of me. You do make me happy. So freaking happy, Colt. But it isn’t your job to make sure I’m not being a martyr. It’s mine. So I’m gonna stop,” I promise him. “Even when it’s hard. Even when I want to give up. I’m not gonna roll over and sacrifice the most important thing in my life.Youare the most important thing in my life. I want you to know I’m all in. I love you. I choose you.” My voice cracks, and my hands shake, but I force myself to keep talking. To keep making promises I’m determined to keep. “Regardless of the paternity results, I want us. I’m happy to make room for Jaxon. I really am. But I don’t want you to give Eleanor another shot, even if admitting it out loud makes me selfish. I want the future we’ve been dreaming about. And I want it with you.”
I mean it. Every word.