Page 90 of Let Me Love You
But I’m lost.
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know her. She’s a stranger. A stranger who slept with the love of my life. A stranger who’s never going away if the paternity test confirms what everyone suspects. A stranger who may or may not hate me after Colt announced he’d chosen me instead of her, and I’m too terrified to find out how she feels.
Peering over my shoulder, I force my steps to slow. “So, who’s watching Jax?”
“He’s with my mom.”
I nod and fold my arms.
“He’s the father, Ash,” she tells me. “My lawyer told me on the phone. Colt doesn’t know yet. He wanted to wait until you were around.”
Shock wracks through my system, despite the confirmation. I was right all along. Yet I’m still left reeling. He’s the father. Colt’s a father. I lick my lips, a cacophony of emotions ripping me in two as I let out a deep breath and turn back to Eleanor. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because now you know. Now we aren’t playing the what-if game.”
She’s right. Now, it’s official. And now, we need to figure out whether or not we’re on the same team. Because Colt’s a dad. And no matter what, I know he’ll be a great one. But I’d prefer it if his first experience with parenthood isn’t an awful one.
“You should tell Colt,” I add numbly as Eleanor catches up to me.
“I think it’s sweet how you care about Jax already,” she says, not bothering to acknowledge my comment.
But I don’t deny it.
I do care about him.
So much.
“Do you want children of your own?” she asks.
Avoiding her gaze, I look at the rows of trees surrounding the pond instead and nod again. “Yes. I do.”
“Me too.Morechildren,” she clarifies. “Jaxon’s my life. And I’m not gonna lie. I hate how he spent his first year with a mom who was distracted most of the time, thanks to her divorce.”
My steps falter. I hadn’t thought of that. What it must’ve been like for Eleanor to juggle being a mom for the first time while cutting ties with her long-time husband.
“How long were you married?”
“Fifteen years.”
My eyes widen, and she smiles. “I know. Long time, right? Terrance never wanted kids,” she adds. “He was a very…logical man who preferred spending his time in a classroom than being home with his wife. To be honest, when I met Colt, I was bored and lonely. I got caught up in a boy who expected nothing from me but a good time which was perfect because it’s all I could give him.”
Acid swirls in my stomach, but I nod. Because I need to hear this. The good. The bad. And the ugly. And she deserves a chance to say her piece. It doesn’t matter that I’ve seen Colt make out with a girl who wasn’t me before we officially started dating. It doesn’t matter that I know he’s far from a saint and has a shady past. But making a child with someone who isn’t you? It’s different. It hits harder. Especially now. And I think she knows it too. Especially if she wants him back.
“When Terrance found out about everything, he convinced the dean to kick Colt out of Dixie Tech,” Eleanor continues.
“I heard.”
“I’m not going to lie. I felt terrible because of it, but I’d hoped a clean break would be enough for both of us to move forward. I never expected the wrench thrown our way.”
I bite back my annoyance and stare at the ground as we stroll down the path side by side. I don’t know what she expects me to say. Duh. No one expects a surprise pregnancy. That’s why it’s called asurprise.
“I was so scared to reach out to Colt. I want you to know I really did try to search for a solution not involving him. I’ve seen the newspapers. I’ve watched him on TV. He’s going places, and I hated the idea of ruining his future by coming out of the woodwork. Yet, here I am.” She lifts her arms wide and shakes her head, disgust and shame twisting her gorgeous features. “I’m going to be honest here. I need help. Financially. Physically. The idea of leaving Jax in daycare while I go to work literally makes me sick to my stomach.”
“I understand.”
She nods as if she’s grateful for my understanding. Then, a haze of discomfort settles over her, making my stomach curdle with unease.
“I assume he told you I asked if he’d be willing to give our relationship another try…romantically speaking,” she murmurs.