Page 66 of Heart’s Cove Hunks
So, I send application after application out, and get crickets back. The kids get signed up for all kinds of activities—soccer and karate for Toby, soccer and piano lessons for Katie—which require pick-ups and drop-offs. There are groceries to buy, rooms to clean, meals to prepare.
I avoid going to Katie’s classroom, and she’s all too happy to leave me at the school gate. Toby goes to see the therapist, Andrea, even though his father gives both of us snide comments for it. I’m proud of my son for not caving to his father’s pressure.
Mac and I don’t talk, and it’s for the best. That’s what I tell myself, anyway. And any time I feel weak and I want to pick up my phone, dial his number, and hear his deep, warm voice in my ear, I just remind myself of what he told me.
He doesn’t date students’ parents.
No softening the blow, no explanation, no indication that he ever had feelings for me. Just eyes that were hard and cold, and the latch of his door closing behind me.
I try not to think of all the other mothers I’ve met at drop-offs who point to his motorcycle and talk about how sexy he is. I try to just be a mother to my children and forget about men altogether.
Men are too much work, anyway. It’s not worth the pain.
Even though some nights, when sleep evades me, I think of the way it felt to be on the back of Mac’s bike, flying over the asphalt with not a care in the world. I think of his kiss, the brand his hands left on my body…and I miss him.
A few weeks pass. My existence becomes split into a series of upcoming milestones, because it’s easier to think about the future than it is to be present with my life the way it is. There are holidays to plan for, kids’ sporting events to train for, Kevin’s visits to brace for.
His next visit is the last weekend of September. My ex-husband picks the kids up on the Saturday morning, and I hate to say it, but he looks good. He stands on the doorstep while the kids put their shoes on and gives me one of the smiles I fell in love with. “Don’t miss the kids too much while I’ve got them.”
“Impossible.”
Kevin’s eyes crinkle. “You always were a great mother.”
Um, what? Is that…a compliment? Is he being nice to me right now? I frown, trying to figure out what his angle is.
Kevin sees my expression and lets out a quiet sigh. “I mean it, Katrina. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
Gratitude? What alternate universe have I stepped into now?
“Ready!” Katie cries, throwing her arms around my waist. “Bye, Mommy!”
“Be good.” I give her a kiss, then reach for Toby. He gives his father a suspicious look, then accepts a hug from me. Then I watch my kids leave with my ex-husband, close the door, and wonder what the hell I’m doing with my life. I do a deep-clean of the house just to fight the feeling of emptiness. When my mother finds me scrubbing a toilet like my life depends on it, she takes the toilet brush from my hand and shoves me toward the tub with stern instructions to shower and get the hell out of the house.
That’s how I find myself entering the Four Cups Café an hour later.
Kevin’s there with the kids. Wonderful.
I make to leave, but my ex-husband calls out my name. When I turn, he’s jogging toward me. He’s wearing one of those linen shirts he likes so much, and there’s a little splatter of paint on the sleeve. His jeans hang on his long, skinny legs, a rumpled sort of masculinity. He doesn’t have the brawn or the sheer sex appeal that Mac does, but I still know why I fell for him. It’s because of looks like he’s giving me now, when his whole, undivided attention is on me. When I just know he’s wondering how he’d paint me in this moment.
Kevin blinks, and his eyes seem to focus on me. “Toby told me he has a big soccer game next week. The school’s main rivals, he said.”
“He does,” I answer slowly. My eyes dart to the counter, where Fiona’s standing with her head angled toward us.
“Well, I was wondering if you’d have any problem with me coming.”
I frown. “You want to come to Toby’s soccer game?” Who is this man? “You’ve never gone to any of the kids’ activities.”
Something like shame tugs Kevin’s lips down. “Maybe I’m realizing what a mistake that was.” He arches his brows. “So? Would you mind if I came? And maybe I could have the kids for a night next weekend to celebrate after the game?”
I bite my lip. According to our custody agreement, no, he absolutely can’t have the kids one single night outside our agreed times. But what about my whole speech about effective co-parenting? What about giving Kevin a chance to be a good father to Toby when that’s what Toby needs most?
I hate the suspicion in my son’s eyes whenever Kevin’s around. Wouldn’t something like this be exactly what Toby needs?
So, letting out a sigh, I nod. “Of course, Kevin. Toby will love that.”
When my ex-husband smiles at me, something weird happens to my chest. It’s like an echo of how I felt before. A physical memory of the layers and layers of feelings I had for Kevin. Have for Kevin, maybe?
No. God, everyone knows my ex is an asshole. Even I know that.