Page 20 of Out of Reach
Now, permanently etched behind his eyes, was the shocked look on Hawk’s face when Jude had walked out. Like he’d never considered that Jude could be more than a kid perfectly content to wait around for him. Forever. During the long, lonely nights when Jude was tempted to go back, he’d remembered that look, and it had kept him right where he was.
Knowing he wasn’t likely to get back to sleep, Jude slid out of bed and exchanged his cotton pants for a pair of jeans before going into the next room. Stopping at the window to admire the view of the Manhattan skyline, he tried to quiet the emotions bubbling up inside him.
Jude had never expected to see Hawk again. He’d tried so damn hard to erase the memory of his face. His touch. His deep, mind-numbing kisses.
“Stop thinking about it,” he muttered aloud, turning away from the window and heading for the kitchen where he put on a pot of coffee and slid two halves of a bagel into the toaster.
By the time he’d finished eating and had drunk two cups of coffee, the sunrise was sparkling over the water, and Jude could hear Hawk stirring in the next room. An illicit shiver ran through him at the memory of the warm bed and being so close to Hawk he could have easily snuggled closer and revelled in his body heat. He missed those little intimacies. Sam hadn’t been a cuddler, but Jude had been glad. He didn’t know if he could have done that with him after having been with Hawk. In the years they’d been apart, he’d never had another relationship until Sam. Thinking back, Jude was sure he’d only succumbed to the powerful man’s persistence because he’d been tired. Tired of existing day to day, trying to drum up work in a cut-throat industry while working nights as a waiter. Tired of barely holding his head above water. Sam had offered him a lifeline, and, at his weakest, Jude had grabbed it. And Sam had given him a shadow of what Hawk had given him in bed, although it had only underscored to Jude that he would never have something that special again.
“Uh, if we’re going to the Hamptons, I’ll need a few things,” Jude said a few minutes later when Hawk sat down by the window with a cup of coffee. “And I don’t have the money to get them right now.”
“We can use the company card,” Hawk said. “You only accepted Prescott’s invitation so I’d have a chance to investigate, so that’s only fair.”
Jude didn’t like taking charity but didn’t have much of a choice. He couldn’t go to one of Sam’s upscale parties without clothes to fit in. “We’ll need to get you a few things, too,” he told Hawk, eying his jeans and T-shirt.
“What for? I have clothes.”
“Not the kind you need,” Jude said. “Don’t worry, I’ll pick them out.”
After a shower, Jude pulled his jeans back on, pairing them with a lightweight blue turtleneck before grabbing his dirty clothes and carrying them to the small laundry room at the far side of the kitchen.
“You wanna put anything in with this load?” he called out to Hawk, who was still staring out the window.
“No, I’m good.”
Jude added detergent and turned on the machine. The moment was so domestic, he was briefly transported back to their little apartment in Detroit and could almost imagine Hawk snuggling up behind him, kissing his neck and throat until they stumbled into the bedroom and onto the bed.
Blinking rapidly to dispel the fantasy, Jude adjusted his dick in his jeans before turning around. He couldn’t let himself think about moments like that. Not only were they still painful even after four years, but they were also dangerous to indulge in while Hawk was with him.
“Where do you want to shop?” Hawk asked half an hour later when they were heading out the door of the building.
“Doesn’t matter. You choose.”
“There’s a Neiman Marcus around the corner from this building,” Hawk said, herding Jude in that direction. Unlike the day before, it was beautiful outside, hot but with a cool breeze blowing every now and then. Squinting into the sun, Jude wished he still had his Mach-fives, but the designer sunglasses had been one of the first things he’d sold when he left Sam.
The longer Hawk kept his hand at the base of Jude’s back as they walked, the more disconcerted Jude became. It was the way he’d always walked with him—deferentially, protectively. Possessively. When the breeze blew a certain way, he got a whiff of Hawk’s familiar cologne. Speeding up his steps, Jude attempted to dislodge the weight of Hawk’s hand and succeeded, only to feel the reassuring weight of it once again moments later just above his ass. It was too much. Too much likebefore.Too much of something Jude missed as much as he would a limb.
Eventually, as they stepped onto the escalator in the high-end department store, he hit his wits’ end. Turning to face Hawk on the moving stairs, he snapped, “Do you have to constantly touch me?”
Brief surprise turned to amusement in Hawk’s eyes. Leaning close, breath warm on Jude’s ear, he whispered, “Does it bother you?”
With a sigh, Jude turned to step off the escalator on the upper floor.
This was going to be a long day.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Hawk
Hawk didn’t put up a fuss when Jude chose several outfits for both of them. He liked seeing Jude so enthusiastic about something, and if it was dressing up Hawk, then so be it.
By the time they left Neiman Marcus, he could hear Jude’s stomach rumbling.
“Want to stop and get something to eat? Look there’s an authentic Indian place.” He pointed to a small restaurant between a laundromat and a pawn shop.
“You remembered I like Indian food?” Jude asked, looking surprised.
“Of course.” It hurt him that Jude thought he’d been that blind to him during their relationship. That he wouldn’t remember what he liked when he ordered Chinese or that Indian food was one of his favorites.