Page 22 of Out of Reach

Hawk stilled Jude’s hand where he was scratching a hole in the table-top. When Jude met his gaze, Hawk said firmly, “Not a hell of a lot, if you want to know the truth. I went on a couple more deployments, then I quit the SEALS. Tried to stay in Detroit, but eventually I had to get out of there. Too many memories.”

Jude stared at Hawk’s hand covering his.

“While I’m saying all this, I want to tell you that I never cheated on you, Jude. I know I was a flirt and that I hurt you, and I’m sorry. But I swear to God I never wanted anyone but you.”

Slipping his hand out from under Hawk’s, Jude placed it in his lap. “Okay,” he said.

“You believe me, don’t you?” It was very important to Hawk that Jude believed him.

Meeting his eyes, Jude said, “Yeah. I believe you.”

“Good,” Hawk said quietly as the waitress brought their food.

“Let’s not talk about this. Can we just enjoy our meal, please?” Jude asked.

“Of course.” Although he felt better for having said his piece, the somber mood that had fallen over the table was depressing. He longed to see Jude’s smile again, but he doubted he could bring it back.

***

“You want to shower first?” Hawk asked as they entered the apartment.

“No, you go ahead.”

“Okay. Oh, before I forget, Slade’s lawyer finished going over Ricci’s contract. A carrier brought it over this morning. It’s on the dresser, and he’s going to call you before five.”

“Thanks,” Jude said.

Hawk took a long, steamy bath, something he normally never did, but his old injury to his back was hurting, probably because of the sub-par mattress in the apartment. He’d be feeling a lot worse if he’d been sleeping on the couch. When he came out of the bathroom a half an hour later, a towel wrapped around his waist, Jude was on the bed, scrolling through his phone.

Hawk couldn’t help wondering,If things hadn’t gone so terribly wrong, where might we be now?

“What?” Jude asked, catching Hawk staring at him.

“Nothing,” Hawk said, moving into the room and pulling a pair of boxer briefs out of the drawer. He stepped into them before releasing the towel around his waist.

“My suitcase has plenty of room since I only packed for the weekend. Put your stuff in with mine,” Jude said.

“Okay.”

As he passed Jude, he caught a whiff of his scent. It had been happening all day. He still smelled the same—like lime and verbena—and suddenly Hawk wanted to bury his nose in the crook of Jude’s neck and just breathe him in. Closing his eyes, he waited until he heard the bathroom door shut before grabbing some sleep pants and crawling into bed with a book.

This was getting bad. Every day that passed made it harder for Hawk not to touch him. There were so many things he longed to do but couldn’t—didn’t have the right to anymore. As he listened to the shower running, Hawk kept losing his place on the page, imagining Jude naked, skin slick under the water. Hawk imagined running his fingers down the line of Jude’s spine and over the curve of his ass. Lowering himself to his knees…

Fuck.The last thing Hawk wanted was for Jude to come out of the bathroom and find him tenting the sheets. Concentrating on the most disgusting things he could think of, including the TikTok he recently saw of a girl eating deep-fried larva, he managed to deflate his cock by the time the shower turned off. Reaching for his laptop, he busied himself with some work, listening as Jude walked into the living room to take the call from the lawyer.

He wished he could erase the years. That he still had the right to take Jude into his arms, kiss him, hold him. What he would give to have that chance again.

A month ago, you wouldn’t have thought you would be sleeping beside him every night,he reminded himself.Who’s to say this isn’t the chance you wanted?

But the last thing Hawk wanted Jude to think was that Hawk was only interested in fucking him.

Tell him you still love him, a voice whispered in his head.

But Hawk wouldn’t lay that at Jude’s door. Jude left him four long years ago and made a new life for himself. He deserved to be happy, and it obviously made him uncomfortable when Hawk talked about the past. Hawk would do a little digging for Slade, then he’d be on his way. It was the best thing he could give Jude now.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Jude