Page 77 of The Sweetest Note

Mom’s eyes are staring down, but now she’s shaking. “Mom?” I ask, eyes widening.

“Why are you here for Lennon?” Mom asks softly, head rising until she’s looking up at me.

I’ve never been able to lie to my mother, not even when I’m lying to myself. “Because I love her, Mom. She’s mine and I’m hers. I know she’s here. You’ve seen her, I gather?”

Blinking quickly as tears begin to well, she nods. It terrifies me that this entire time she hasn’t cried once for herself while we’ve been talking, but she is for Len. Fuck.

“She doesn’t deserve to be here. Dad is using her,” I tell her, voice dropped just in case.

“None of us should be, but she looked thin and as if she hadn’t been sleeping,” Mom tells me, looking out at the flowers as if to gather strength from them. “I only saw her once, and I haven’t seen her since. Do you know if…”

Realizing my mother thinks she may be dead, I shake my head and then remember Mom isn’t looking at me. “Lennon’s alive,” I rasp. “Don’t ask me how I know…”

Swallowing hard, she looks back up at me and nods. Walking her to a bench, we sit facing the building even though there are flowers obscuring it. I don’t want anyone walking up behind us if I can help it.

“I just need to know you’re as safe as possible, Mom. There’s a doctor here… Dr. Xavier. You don’t have anything to do with him, do you?”

Fear lights in her eyes as she shivers, even while we’re in the sun. “No. I’ve seen him three times, and there’s something very wrong with the man. He hasn’t done or said anything, but his eyes are soulless.”

Breathing deeply, I nod. Something tells me my time with my mom is running out. We’ve been allowed out here for far too long. “Nurse Imelda said that chair was your favorite, do you spend a lot of time in the room I met you in?”

“Yes… we’re encouraged to stay in the common rooms during the day. Something about it being better for our health to socialize for a bit and not go back to bed. Except, everyone is pretty medicated here, so this seems ridiculous. I made the mistake of going back to my room to grab a book when I first got here, and I didn’t realize the doors automatically locked behind me. Well, the lights also immediately turned off and I had to scream and bang on the door until someone opened it. Now I stay in the common areas,” Mom whispers, as if she knows she’s spilling secrets.

“I think that’s best,” I agree, my blood beginning to boil. It makes sense the doors would immediately lock behind her, but you’d think they’d warn her. Assholes.

“Derek? Marian? Where’d you two go?” Nurse Imelda asks down the path and Mom squeezes my arm.

“Back to reality,” Mom says with a sad smile and my heart hurts for her.

“Just for now,” I promise.

Standing together, I call out to Nurse Imelda so she knows we’re walking towards her. This visit has only solidified my need to burn this place down. I hope Greg gets permission to, because none of us will be able to hold back.

23

LENNON

My entire body hurts. I don’t remember why and there’s a piercing pain between my legs. Whimpering, I turn, coughing when I inhale too deeply. Fuck, my throat hurts too, kind of like when my breath is stolen from me in a session with Xav.

Blinking, I see I’m in a room, and while the memories are just within reach, my mind won’t let me see them. I feel adrift and surrounded by a blanket of fog. Instead a headache takes over when I try to pull the memories back to me and I cover my face to hide from the pain.

Huh… I’m not in a straightjacket if I can cover my face.

The door opens, the influx of light from the corridor hurting my eyes even more. At some point, all of the lights in this room were turned off. Struggling to sit up, a rush of liquid releases from between my legs and I begin to cry.

“What…?” I whisper.

“I see you did your job well, they all left quite content,” Nurse Ratched says as she bustles in.

Looking at her in confusion, I realize it’s really cold. Allowing my eyes to drift down, I see I’m completely naked. What the fuck…?

I’m missing something.It’s not the first time I’ve had a hard time remembering an event, but this feels really important. Grabbing my arm, she yanks me onto my feet, causing me to scream in pain as my body feels as if it’s tearing apart inside.

My hips have darkening hand prints, my breasts bite marks… and that’s when it all clicks. “No…” I whisper as my knees buckle.

“There will be none of that,” she whispers, pushing my hair back. “We’ll get you cleaned up, and I’ll make it go all away, alright?”

Nurse Ratched uses the voice she used when I first met her, before I realized what a wretched human she is. But I don’t want to face this, I can’t face that no one came to save me, and I couldn’t save myself.