Page 24 of Broken
“I know.” The words rip from my throat, tearing the scars open that night left me with. None of us were given a pass.
“Why?” Eli demands, getting into my space. “Why did you leave?”
“I had to go back to school.” I struggle to find the words to explain my shitty reasoning to him. “I was the reason he died, and I couldn’t face you.”
He jerks back from me, eyes wide with fury and hurt, covering his mouth with his hand. Before my eyes, I watch him steel his resolve. He wipes the tears from his face, straightens up, and faces me head-on. “Were you the one that called in his drowning?”
“Yes.”
“How did it happen?” His voice is now devoid of emotion. I’m not sure if it’s better or worse than the screams. He sounds empty, numb, and he’s no life in his eyes anymore. They’re blank.
“He saw us kiss when you left the cliff,” I start, the memory playing like a recording in my mind. “We fought and he slipped, hit his head on a rock, and fell over.”
I have to close my eyes and breathe through the memory that hits me like it was yesterday. My eyes are wet when they meet Eli’s again. The pain of losing my best friend, of the terror that held me hostage for hours, trying so desperately to pull me back under.
“I jumped after him, but by the time I found him, he was gone.” My voice breaks, and I let him see how much it hurt me. How fucking sorry I am for all of it. For the guilt that eats at me every fucking day because I couldn’t save him. “I stayed with him for hours, tried to pull him to shore, but he was caught on something, and I couldn’t get him free. Itried, Eli. You have to believe that. I tried so fucking hard to bring him back to you. Maybe I should have gone with him.”
Once again there’s tears streaming down Eli’s face, but he’s not alone in that. This time, I don’t try to hold back. I go to him, cup his face in my hands, and press our foreheads together.
“I promised him I would come back when I was worthy of you.” My words hover between us. My need for him to understand them so fucking strong. “I wasn’t then, and I’m not sure I am now, but I will do everything I can to be who you need me to be.”
Eli, with cheeks still wet, shoves me away. “I needed you then, but I had to learn to live without you.”
CHAPTERTWELVE
Elliot
Imanage to hold it mostly together until I’m out of the villa and halfway to lost down some path through the trees. I stop in the middle of the dirt footpath, lean my hands on my knees, and sob. Finally letting out some of the pain that has etched itself into my existence, into my bones. This time, maybe I’ll feel better when it’s done instead of worse, but I’m so tired of crying. I just want to smile again.
Memories of Asher and Marcus drift through my head, back to a time when I knew there were people who loved me and cared about what happened to me. When I wasn’t so fucking lost all the time. I want to forgive Asher. I do. Hating him hurts so fucking much. The tear in my heart keeps ripping, getting deeper. How much more can I take before it’s ripped in half and no longer fixable? Is it even fixable at this point, or am I too damaged to recover?
I dig my phone from my pocket with shaky fingers and blurry eyes and find Jordan. I have no idea what time it is in LA, and I don’t care. I need her to talk me off this ledge. My phone wobbles as I lift it to my ear and listen to it ring a few times before she answers.
“Elliot,” she says with relief. “Where are you? Are you okay?”
“He knew Marcus was dead when he left!” I sob, not entirely sure the words make sense to anyone but me.
“What? Who?” I can hear her scramble around wherever she is. “Where are you?”
“Asher. He knew.” I weep a little quieter, rubbing the back of my hand against my face to wipe away some of the tears. How do I have any left? “He was there when Marcus died, called in the accident, and fucking left.”
My knees give out, and I drop to my shins on the dirt. On this island paradise, my world cracks a little more, exposing truths I thought I wanted but can’t move on now that I have them. I didn’t know I could hurt so much more than I already did. Shoving a hand between my legs, I rub my fingers over the raised scars on my inner thigh until I find the newest one and pick at the scab. The sting of pain helps clear my head, but only a little.
“Oh, babe.” Her sympathetic tone is almost a warm hug. “Are you at home? Can I come over? I don’t want you to be alone.”
“I’m at Black fucking Diamond,” I grit out and wipe my face again, sniffling back the emotions that seem to barely be contained by sandbags during a hurricane.
“Seriously?” I can almost hear the wheels in her brain turning. “I can probably swing coming out there if you want company.”
“Asher is here,” I utter miserably. “I’m sharing a stupid villa with him. I’ve been sleeping in the damn bathtub to get away from him!”
There’s silence after that revelation.
“Jordan?” I pull my phone from my ear to look at the screen to make sure the call wasn’t dropped.
“No, I’m here.” She clears her throat. “Why are you sharing a room with him?”
I cover my eyes with my free hand. “I don’t know. Something about a mix-up and there not being any more rooms available.”