Page 72 of Broken

“I am lovable,” Asher repeats. “Say it.”

I didn’t know it would hurt so much to hear what I’ve always needed to. It’s not fair that when you finally get what you need, it feels like a lie. The things you’ve craved to hear all your life feel like a punishment.

A thumb brushes over my bottom lip, and I force my eyes open to see Asher. His own face showing cracks in his heart while I deal with my own. His face is a watery blur, but he’s not hiding the pain of watching me fall apart.

“You’ve always been worth it.” He rests his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry I made you feel any less. I didn’t feel like I was worthy of you, that you deserved more than I was when I left.” A tear trickles down his face to disappear into his beard, and I lift my lips to his.

The kiss is salty and full of pain, healing, and understanding. There’s no heat, no lust, just comfort, and in this moment, it’s exactly what I need. With my eyes still closed and my forehead against his, I pull back enough to speak.

“I am lovable.”

I can feel his lips lifting in a smile and his thumbs brushing the tears from my face.

“That’s right, you are. I love you.” He wraps his arms around me and lifts me off my feet. I let out a very undignified shriek and quickly wrap my legs around his waist while he chuckles. “Time for a shower.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY

Asher

The water is hot against our skin as we stand pressed together. Unhurried touches that have more to do with comfort than sex, slow kisses, and sweet smiles. The steam billows around us, blocking out the world. Reaching over his shoulder, I grab my body wash and squirt it right into my palm. I don’t want anything between my skin and his as I wash him.

The warm, masculine scent is heavy in the damp air as Eli drags in a deep breath.

“You still use American Crew body wash?” he asks with a little smile.

I smirk at him and nod. “It’s the best thing I’ve found to keep the B.O. under control with training.”

Being in here with him, I can pretend for just a little while that I’m not about to face down my team. That my place isn’t on the line. It’s terrifying to think that I’ll get traded or cut because I love Eli. It’s bullshit.

So I busy myself with washing his back and butt, kneading the muscles as I slick his skin with soap. He groans into my neck as I clean his hole and I lean my mouth down next to his ear.

“You’re perfect.” He shivers at my words and relaxes into my touch. I work my way down his body, taking special care with his inner thighs, kissing each of the scars. There’s not an inch of skin I haven’t touched by the time I’m done, including his face and hair. I worship his body the way he was meant to be loved.

“You need better conditioner,” Eli grumbles as he looks at the bottles available and grabs one.

“Tell me what you want, and I’ll make sure it’s here.”

Eli puts some conditioner in his hand and bends over so his hair is hanging away from his head. He combs the product through his hair with his fingers, careful not to get it too close to his scalp, then rinses it out. I love watching him. Even though I’ve known him since I was a kid, there are things like this that I didn’t get to experience. These intimate moments are still new.

He looks at the bottles again. “That’s as good as it’s going to get for now. I’ll make a list.”

Eli reaches for the body wash and spreads the soap across my chest. My eyes don’t leave his face as he washes me. I love the blush that tints his cheeks at being watched. He takes his time, asking me about scars he doesn’t recognize, sharing memories and stories. His touch heals a part of me I didn’t know was broken. That dark place in my heart with ragged edges that was abandoned by my parents and never enough to keep anyone is less sharp.

As I watch him, I can see the light is starting to come back into his eyes. With time, he’ll be the vibrant boy I’ve always known him to be with no more dark circles under his beautiful eyes.

Eli does a thorough job of cleaning me, tracing his fingertips along the lines of my tattoos, and we rinse off. We’re still touching and caressing when I shut off the water and grab us some towels. Being comfortable with who we are together is not something I’ve ever experienced with anyone. It’s just more proof that Eli is the only one for me.

We dry off and shiver as we leave the warmth of the bathroom. I wrap my towel around my waist and kiss his temple while he stands naked in the room, drying his hair.

“I’ll go get your bag.” I hurry to the front door where I dropped our shit and hustle back to the bedroom. Aaron will be here soon to pick me up for camp, and as much as I’m dreading it, I know I need to get it over with. The longer I wait to see everyone, the more I’ll blow it up in my head. It’s better to just rip the Band-Aid off.

A sob comes from my bedroom, and I run full speed back to find Eli kneeling on the floor next to my dresser with something clutched to his chest that I can’t see. Fear courses through me as I try to figure out what the fuck just happened. Did he get a text or something? What the hell would cause this kind of reaction from him?

I drop his bag and wrap myself around his back, holding him against me.

“What happened, baby?” He’s rocking back and forth with tears streaming down his face, and it’s scaring the shit out of me. “Talk to me.”

It takes a minute, but I pull on his hand to see what he’s got a hold of and pause when I see the satin bag with my mother’s necklace in it.