Page 111 of Because of Blake
“It started with the beer. This beer was mine and Charlie’s, and now you’ve made ityoursand mine, just like everything else.”
“Maggie,” he says, quietly, his jaw quivering. “I’m not trying to replace Charlie.”
“Aren’t you, though? You’ve not only inched your way into my life, but my kids’, too. You’re doing all the things Charlie should be. I mean, Sydney even thinks you want to be their dad.”
Blake lays his hand on his heart, his features softening. “Syd wants me to be their dad?” An easy grin spreads across his lips, but he shakes his head. “Maggie, I’d be honored to take on–”
“See? There it is! You’d be taking Charlie’s role.”
He throws his hands in the air. “I don’t want to take anything! I’d be happy to be a dad to them because I fucking love those kids, Maggie!” He huffs before planting his hands on his hips and hanging his head. “And it sounds like they’re okay with it.”
“They just don’t see what’s going on.” I fold my arm across my chest.
“And what is going on?” He lifts his head, meeting my eyes with a fiery gaze. “What have I done that’s so horrible, huh?”
My chest heaves as my eyes dart across the floor. All of our time together flashes behind my eyelids with each blink. Every single moment I’ve felt unsure or uneasy about something, Blake has found a way to talk me into it.
“Maggie?” Blake takes a step forward, but I back away.
“Don’t touch me.” I take another step back, wrapping my arms around my middle. “You’ve been coaxing me into things from the beginning. Things I didn’t want to do.”
“Like what? Everything we’ve done has been your decision. I may have come up with the ideas, but I always made sure you were okay with them.”
“I’ve done things with you, Blake, I never would have done. But the one I can’t believe I let happen, was last weekend when I let you…” My gaze drops to the side. “When you talked me into having sex while my kids were home.”
“First of all, we didn’t have sex.” The irritation in his tone is hard to miss. “If you remember, it was all hand stuff. Secondly, I made sure you wanted to. You could have told me no and I would’ve backed off.”
I jerk my head up, a fire building in my gut. “It’s kind of hard to say no when you’re already feeling me up!”
Blake runs his hand through his hair, tugging on the roots as he stares at the floor.
“I made it clear I didn’t want to have sex when the kids were home, and you ignored my wishes.”
His head whips up, locking his burning gaze with mine. “Did anything happen, Maggie? No. The kids had no idea. They didn’t need you because they’re not as fragile as you think they are. This belief that something bad lurks around every corner cannot dictate your life.” He licks his lips, biting his bottom one before continuing, “I know Charlie’s death traumatized you, but it’s been five years, now. Don’t you think it’s time to stop living in so much fear?”
Hyperventilation threatens my lungs. I squeeze my eyes shut, gripping my shirt in my fists at my sides. The heat rising in my core is so unbearable, it makes me lightheaded. I stumble to the side, my shoulder hitting the fridge, and I sag against it.
“Shit, Maggie.” Blake closes the gap between us in an instant, his hands gripping my arms and holding me up. “Maggie, open your eyes. Look at me.”
When I do, I meet his beautiful brown irises, and my heart slows.
“Let me ground you,” he says softly. He looks like a frightened puppy, but I’m not letting the softness of his gaze manipulate me anymore.
I rip away from his embrace, my head still spinning and my stomach on the verge of upheaval. My legs wobble, but I stand tall. “I don’t need your help.”
Blake reaches for me, but drops his hand. “That’s all I want, Maggie. To help.”
“I’ve let you help, and you’ve taken yards when I’ve given you inches. You want me to forget Charlie and only think about you. But I won’t. I won’t let him go.”
“Maggie, that’s never been what I’m doing and you know it. Deep down, you know I’ve always respected what you and Charlie had and–”
“HAVE! What Charlie and I have!” My shouting even scares me.
“Dammit, Maggie!” Blake slams his fist on the island, the take-out menus flying across it. “Do you hear yourself, right now? You sound insane.” He stands straighter and runs his hand through his hair. “Charlie is gone, Maggie. But I’m here. I’m here trying to help you, but you can’t get past your drama and let me close to you.”
I clench my teeth. “How dare you call it drama! You don’t know what kind of pain I’m in. You have no idea.”
Blake’s fists clench and release as he groans. “Only because you won’t tell me. All this pain and suffering you’re going through is entirely brought on by you, Maggie. No one else. You don’t let anyone help you when you need it.” His shoulders relax and his tone softens. “It’s okay to ask for help. That’s what rule number two is for. WhatI’mhere for.”