Page 75 of Because of Blake
“As long as you’re okay now. You scared me down there.”
I take his hand and squeeze. “I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s alright.” He leans down and kisses my forehead.
My eyes dart across the ceiling, my racing heart doing laps around my ribcage. “Blake?”
“Hm?”
“Will you stay the night?” I still haven’t had any nightmares, but after this, I don’t want to chance it. Having Blake next to me will ensure I sleep soundly.
He pulls back, a glimmer in his eye. “Really? I’ll have to go put Oscar in his crate, but then I’ll be back.”
“Why don’t you bring Oscar?”
“Yeah?”
I nod. “He’s welcome here, too.”
“You’re really okay with me staying the night while the kids are around?”
“I’ve missed you, and I really think I need you tonight. But I can’t promise anyadulttime.”
A grin, wider than I’ve seen in a while, spreads across his face. “Any time with you is worth it.”
Chapter twenty-three
“Wecouldputthisgarland here, on the stair railing. And then this little snowman could go here...” Blake says.
I’m fighting my hardest not to wiggle my toes while I watch Blake hold decorations up, giving them the eye test of whether they’ll look good. We haven’t even been home fifteen minutes and already he’s picking out spots for all the new Christmas knick-knacks he purchased. It’s building an anxiety in me I’ve been ignoring because I thought I could handle this. Maybe I was wrong.
“Maggie?”
“Hmm,” I say, not looking at him.
“Did you hear me? What do you think of putting this Santa sign over here?”
“I’m sure it’s fine.” I still don’t look up.
Blake sighs. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
“I told you I was.” It comes out much angrier than I intend.
“Then why don’t you come here and help me. Get off the couch, move around a bit. It might help you relax.”
“I’m fine.”
“Then why are your knees bobbing?”
Shit.I fought my toe wiggles so hard, I didn’t even pay attention to the movement in my legs.
“Maggie, what’s going on?”
“It’s just… this is all so… fast,” I say between breaths. “These are big changes.” I squeeze my eyes shut, suddenly unable to focus. My chest heaves with each inhale as I can’t seem to fill my lungs.
The day after Thanksgiving, Blake asked me when we decorate for Christmas and it took everything I had not to break down. Last year, I told myself I was going to stop being so pitiful and decorate again, but I used the leaking pipe as an excuse. So, when Blake brought up the idea of getting new decorations, ones without Charlie attached, it sounded doable.
Blake squats down in front of me, rubbing my knees with his thumbs. “Come on, Maggie. Use me. Ground yourself.”