Page 36 of Spare Heir
‘The centre director offered me a lift actually, so I could have spared you the bother.’
‘It’s no bother,’ he says. ‘Was that the guy who spoke to you when you came out?’
I nod and arrange my bag near my feet as I nestle into the low leather seat and turn to gaze at him. I’m never as happy as when he’s nearby.
Fact.
It’s surprising how much his presence affects me because I’ve not experienced this type of euphoria before. I like men well enough, and thought I’d had some satisfying relationships. After the dramatic events of my childhood, I steered clear of emotional drama and only went out with guys who had their shit together and treated me well. And that worked out okay, but I didn’t fall madly in love with any of them. I started to think that’s just the way I’m made, and suspected I’d been emotionally damaged to the point where I would always hold back a little piece, and not let myself truly open my heart in the way others do.
Juliette throws herself into love affairs with such glorious abandon, and I envy her ability to do that sometimes. But there’s been many a time I’ve had to comfort her and help her put herself back together again after the latest heartbreak. Not that I disapproved, but I thought that would never happen to me. Part of me yearned for an epic romance, whilst part of me—the scared, hidden part—was relieved I wouldn’t have to face that kind of pain.
Ever.
But now, as I sit next to him in the Porsche, every cell of my being radiates joy simply because of his proximity.
Is this love?
If it is, I have no control over it at all, so I relax against the seat, and we chat naturally like we do when I’m not trying to hide from or avoid him. I’m done fighting this feeling. It’s clear it’s a losing battle and the odds are against me escaping unscathed, so I decide to let myself feel every emotion and see what that’s like. I’ll do it for now, anyway. After the heavy day at the centre, I’m too weak to resist his magnetic pull.
‘Are they good people you work with?’ he asks.
I assure him they are very nice, but he continues.
‘You can always take the car or call me when you need a lift. And if I’m not home, I’ll send my driver for you. You don’t need to ever go with anyone you don’t trust 100%. Please be careful.’
I glance at him, trying to figure out what’s behind his words.
Is he jealous? Of Richard?
‘Thank you,’ I say. ‘That’s so kind. I usually take the car, so it’s not an issue, but I am careful, of course.’
‘How was your shift?’ he asks, as he handles the car smoothly and we glide around a corner.
‘It was hard, to be honest,’ I say.
He cocks one eyebrow at me, before moving his eyes back to the dark windscreen and the rain whooshes on the road as we whiz along. ‘Oh, why?’
My eyes are watery as I picture the little boy’s face.
‘There’s this little boy called Jack,’ I say. ‘We had some tragic news today, and the thought of him learning that his mother died—.’
Tears fill my eyes and spill down my cheeks as I talk. I’m helpless to stop them and for an inexplicable reason, I don’t even try.
Sebastian reaches for my hand and strokes it, which makes me cry even harder.
‘Hey, hey,’ he says, handing me a tissue from the glove compartment. ‘Tell me what happened.’
I blow my nose and wipe my eyes and offer him a tremulous smile. ‘Sorry, I bet you didn’t expect all this drama when you picked me up.’
The kindness in his eyes tells me all I need to know. He has a compassionate heart, and it’s one of the many things that attracts me to him.
‘The boy’s mother threw herself under a train in London. He has no father or other family that we know of, so he’s an orphan now. And he’s been waiting for his mother to visit him for weeks, and it’s just too sad,’ I continue, sniffing and dabbing at my red face in a futile effort to stop my tears.
‘That is tough,’ he says. ‘Poor kid. I don’t know how you do it.’
His comment interrupts my meltdown and I pause. ‘How I do what?’
‘Handle these tragic situations with these neglected kids. I don’t think I’d be able to face it. I’d want to bring them all home with me.’