Page 30 of The Reality Duet

“Excuse me,” I tell the room before getting up. I walk out, without looking at anyone. I don’t need to see their pity and I definitely don’t want to see the look on Joshua’s face. I don’t want him to even acknowledge what just took place, and I don’t really care if he’s upset. His ruse is up. Everyone knows that our marriage is nothing but a sham.

I walk down the hall, unsure of where I’m going to go and hide. The room I share with Josh is off-limits. The only safe place is the bathroom. As I walk by the towels, I grab one and walk as fast I can into the stall, locking the door behind me. My chest aches; I know what’s coming and there isn’t going to be anything I can do to stop it. I was stupid to believe that I could make him fall in love with me. I was stupid to think that I was enough for him, that we could be something outside this house.

My back hits the wall and I slide down, bringing the towel to my mouth as I scream as loud as possible. In the beginning, I refused to shed tears over this, over a situation that I knew the outcome of, but I can’t help it. Moments ago, we were about to finally connect as husband and wife, and now this. He never lied, but he led me to believe that we could be different. I should’ve just known that he and Jules weren’t over. It makes sense, the no sex rule, because he doesn’t want to cheat. But he did, he just doesn’t know it.

Kissing isn’t cheating in Hollywood.

I need to get out of here before people start to look for me. I stand and flush the toilet, even though I didn’t use it. When I open the door I half expect Millie and Amanda to be here waiting for me, but why would they? Millie is blissfully happy, and Amanda wants my husband. As far as I’m concerned, she can have him. Maybe she’s a better fit for Josh. One quick check in the mirror tells me that my eyes aren’t puffy, so I’m safe there. I’m going to walk out there with my head held high and into the kitchen because I need chocolate. A cake must be made.

The room is quiet and the television dark. Everyone is still sitting on the couches, but Gary is with Amanda now. Joshua is alone. It’s what he wants, so I’m not going to let that bother me. I step into the pantry and pull out the cake mix and frosting. Chocolate on chocolate ought to do the trick.

Chocolate is the only thing that will never lie to you.

I’m quiet and reserved, as I get everything out. I’m not slamming doors or banging bowls onto the kitchen counter. I don’t need to. It’s my own fault for being naïve and thinking that someone like Joshua Wilson would want someone like me. I’m plain and ordinary. I have nothing to offer him or anyone like him. Actors don’t fall in love with mundane people.

“Are you okay?”

I smile at Millie and Amanda, who both look forlorn. “I’m fine, just making a cake. We talked about having cake, right?”

“Right,” Millie says with a forced grin. I shuffle around her while she leans against the counter. She could move, or help, either one would be nice. Just standing in my way though, is going to piss me off.

“Josh said—”

I put my hand up, motioning for Amanda to stop talking. “I don’t care what Joshua said, or hasn’t said. I’m fully aware of his feelings.”

“But I thought—”

This time I stop Millie from talking. “I don’t ask about your marriage, so please don’t ask about mine.”

The women fall silent and allow me to shuffle around the kitchen. I breathe a sigh of relief when they leave and the sliding glass door opens. I don’t want to be coddled or pretend that our fake friendship actually means anything. I put the cake in the oven and lean on the stove. The warmth takes away the chill I’m feeling, but does nothing to take the weight off of my chest.

I cringe and step away when he touches me. I busy myself with washing the dirty dishes while he stands there.

“Joey?” My eyes close when he says my name, but it’s not enough. I ignore him. We have nothing to talk about. If anything, he should be sitting at the counter coming up with a new strategy.

“Joey to the confession room,” Linda says with her impeccable timing as always.

After drying my hands on the towel, I check the timer. I won’t be able to spend too much time in there or my cake will burn. I brush by Josh and avoid his hand when he reaches for me.

Sitting down with a huff, I smile into the camera. “What is it now? You’ve already embarrassed me, what could you possibly need to know? Are you curious as to why I’m not crying? Why I’m not begging Joshua to choose me over Jules Maxwell, a woman he has history with? This game is nothing more than a mockery of marriage. You can’t expect people to fall in love with all your forced competitions and stupid confession room pranks. When all is said and done, we’ll go our separate ways and think about our time here and how we could’ve done things differently. Maybe Millie and Cole will last, but the rest of us won’t, and as producers, you should be ashamed of yourselves.”

I stand, but hesitate. “What you did today just showed me that you only care about the ratings.” I walk out knowing the producers aren’t going to be happy with me. I don’t care because in two months this show is over and I’ll be back home doing what I do best.

Eating cake.

fifteen

Joshua

My eyes widenwhen Jules appears on the screen. Staring intently, I try to fathom what the hell she’s doing on there. The women in the room gasp and there’s a slight wail. I don’t need to look to know who let that out. Jules words sting as she solidifies for the people near me, and the viewers at home, that my marriage is a charade. . . a joke. Anger builds within me, and my heart breaks for Joey. She doesn’t need this. I don’t need this. Jules Maxwell and I were not together when I signed the contract, or when I married Joey. We had broken up months before; it was yet another twirl on the merry-go-round that ended with one of us jumping off. This time I ended things and after meeting Joey, I’m not sure I ever want to get back with Jules.

As if in slow motion, I turn my gaze to Joey. Everything is telling me to get up and pull her into my arms, but I’m frozen. I’m not supposed to care about Joey, but I do. The last thing I want is for her to get hurt. That includes when the show is over. She and I need to end on amicable terms. I want to be her friend because treating her like my father treats his exes is out of the question. Joey and I will never share a child, but we share this. . . this show, these moments captured on television.

As soon as Jules’ message finishes, Joey springs from the couch and rushes down the hall. Millie and Amanda look at me, both throwing daggers, daggers that I deserve but not because of Jules. I didn’t put her up to that, the producers did. She’s just conniving enough to go along with it. I’ll be happy to thank Rob as well. If he hadn’t opened his big ass mouth, Jules would’ve never found out about my plan to annul this marriage as soon as I got out.

Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell appear next on the screen. Listening to them tell Joey how much they love her, makes me long for a normal set of parents. Mine, they probably don’t even know I’m here, unless they called looking for money. But her parents, they sit together holding hands, showing me what a loving family she comes from. Joey says her mother is neurotic, but maybe that’s her mom’s way of showing Joey how much she loves her. At least, Joey knows her parents love her.

“Joshua, I wanted to shake your hand at your ceremony. I look forward to meeting you when the show is over,” Mr. Mitchell says before the screen goes dark. My hands cover my face then run through my hair.