Page 69 of Arrogant Heir

He reaches for the newspaper and my eyes fall to a photo of me and Damian entering the ball on Saturday night.

There’s a lump in my throat. We look happy and like we don’t have a care in the world.

That’s a fairy tale for you.

I can’t bring myself to read the article and I pass it back to him. ‘Very nice. I’m glad I could help,’ I say, swallowing the emotion and offering him my best attempt at a bright smile.

I’m almost at the door when I hear Arthur’s voice. ‘Have you said goodbye to Damian? He’s upstairs, you know.’

I shake my head and mutter that we said goodbye at the ball. And then I leg it through the hall and to the car where one of the staff is loading up my stuff.

Albert, Bessie and Alice accompany my mum outside and I thank them for their kindness and wish them well.

I didn’t think Damian would be here, and I must get away immediately. I can’t face him now.

My mum drives ahead and I follow her down the drive, the tears falling from my eyes and trickling down my cheeks. I’m alone now and can let myself cry.

Goodbye Greystone. Goodbye Damian.

CHAPTER42

Damian

It’s been six weeks since the ball and not seeing Jamie is like being cast into the bottomless pit of Hades. I count the days. Wishing I’d done things differently, I play over and over in my mind how I sunk into this dark hole.

I’ve tried to mind-over-matter-it and put her out of my head, but she’s still the star of the show.

Grandfather calls with one of his rallying the troops for dinner so-calledinvitations.He remarks that I’ve not been to Greystone since the book was completed and I do my best to fob him off with excuses of my hectic London schedule. But the unspoken words hang in the air, and I sense he knows something deeper than just writing a book went on between Jamie and me.

The truth is, I can’t face going back to Greystone just now, knowing Jamie’s not there and never will be again.

‘Did you see the article in the paper this morning about the book?’ he asks.

He tells me where to find it, so after the call I grab the section and leaf through the pages. Scanning the article, I read some official promotional text for the book, put together by the publishing house. And beneath it there’s a credit to Jamie Jackson as the ghostwriter.

There’s the photo of us outside the hotel just before the ball. We look great together and there’s a sparkle in my eye that hasn’t been there since that night.

That’s after I fucked her every which way, all afternoon.

She looks like a goddess in the emerald-green dress, and my chest tightens as I stare at the photo.

What possessed me to leave her side that night? My arrogance got the better of me and I thought she’d be waiting. Steph blindsided me and couldn’t have reappeared in my life at a worse moment. I’m convinced she only came back because she saw the papers and couldn’t stand the idea that I’d finally found happiness without her. She said as much. That girl always had a major case offomo.

I scan the text, and my eyes freeze. I read it again, more carefully this time, and then push my breakfast aside as I realise I’ve got itsowrong.

Twenty minutes later, I’m in the back of the car and John is navigating the Sunday morning traffic on our way to Clapham. It’s the address I got from Seb shortly after the ball and I’ve been tempted to show up there to see Jamie so many times. But I couldn’t let myself to do it. It wouldn’t be fair to her if she was back with her fiancé.

The thought of professing my undying love to her would be all very romantic if he hadn’t turned up on her last day at Greystone. It was like a kick in the balls when I watched him arrive from the window of my suite and I put two and two together.

I was just about working up the nerve to go down and tell her how I feel about her, but it was too late. It was obvious he’d come to get her, and they were back together. I felt like such a fool. I’d been imagining she was angry about Steph, but that wasn’t the real problem at all.

John slows near the common, which is crowded with Sunday morning dog walkers and parents enjoying the breezy sunshine with their children. I tell him to park wherever he can; but I jump out first.

I want a few minutes alone to gather my thoughts before I see her. That’s if she’s even home. It would have been smarter to call first, but I was scared I’d lose my nerve if she didn’t answer. We haven’t spoken since the ball when she froze me out.

I have to face her, even if I’m the last person she wants to see. I’m finally willing to confront my worst fears because she’s worth it. After playing an over-cautious game since the day we met, today I’m ready to go all in. It’s win or lose, and I’m going to play full-out.

My heart’s thudding and crashing at such a rate. It’s all I can hear as I press the buzzer.