Page 9 of Love Sick

“I know you’d appreciate listening to music this way.”

And she’s right.

This gramophone looks vintage. I like it. But the moment Mozart sounds, I forget about everything and surrender to the music. It’s been so long; I’ve almost forgotten the impact music has on me. But it doesn’t take long for my heart, and for my body, to remember.

Closing my eyes, I focus on the melody and am transported to another world where none of this madness is real. It’s just me and the music.

Usually, I would progress so far before I hit a wall, and it’s radio silence. But today is different. Today, I hear music—my own.

Even though my wrists are bound, my fingers move on invisible keys as I compose a song in my head. I can see it.

Hear it.

Feel it.

The music is my breath, animating me to be alive.

I wish I were sitting at my piano because I want, no, Ineed,to write. The notes resonate louder and louder until all I can hear is the music. This is the first time it’s happened since I woke up from surgery. Yes, I’ve heard music and been able to write here and there, but this is the first time I hear it loud and clear, like how it once was.

Nothing else exists but the melody.

I’m dragged under and spat back out on the other side and where I sit, I have to rub my eyes to ensure I’m really seeing this.

I’m back home, my piano in front of me. The shine from it instantly gets me hard. I know I’m not really here, but this is my happy place, and for so long, the door has been slammed shut.

But here I am.

I wonder what happened for me to be able to experience it again. I assume it’s the drugs Alanna gave me. But this isn’t a hallucination. This is something different.

Just like always, the moment my fingers touch the keys, it’s an adrenaline rush and I inhale sharply. I never want to leave this place. I run my pointer along them, almost salivating at the music I’m about to create.

My mind is a blank slate. It’s peaceful. But then I see it…I see the music and I begin to play. Every single emotion I feel spills out of me and into the piano. It’s a rainbow of notes.

I’ve missed this so much. I finally feel like me again.

I don’t know how long I stay here for because when lost in this place of nothing but melody, it can feel like a second. But when I play the final note, I slump forward, hair shrouding me from a world I don’t want to return to.

But I can’t stay here.

This is a premonition of what’s to come…

The fact that I can play again means I’m getting stronger; strong enough to find Luna. And she’s the only reason I wade through the light, only to return to the darkness where the devil awaits.

“You’re amazing,” Alanna says in awe.

I’ve been told watching me play is a godly experience. I don’t get it. But if it’s going to get me the fuck out of here, then I am Jesus fucking Christ.

“It’s all coming back? The music?” she clarifies.

I nod.

She writes something down in her notebook. A how-to on making a monster, perhaps?

“I knew it would. Your mind was clouded before. But here, you have clarity. I need the music to return. It’ll help Jonathan.”

He is beyond saving, but I’ve given up on Alanna seeing reason on that.

“Today was progress, Dutch. If you continue this way, I’ll bring in a piano. I think Jonathan would love that too.” She claps once happily before walking over to her fiancé. “I told you we would be together forever. I never break my promises.”