Page 60 of Tempt
“I just assumed you’d stay over with him, after she said you were going out with friends.”
I don’t want to be a bitch, because me doing so will only result in a fight and I’m not sure I have much fight left in me. The last couple weeks have been draining. I’m mentally exhausted.
I look back over my shoulder and can only see her silhouette. “His name is Garrett, and he is nice. In fact, he’s amazing, and things were going great.”
“Were?” I see her shift in the darkness.
“Yeah, were,” I repeat.
“Until I showed up and made everything difficult.”
I won’t feel guilty for having the feelings I have; I have a right to them. “You left me, for a guy and a bottle of pills.” I turn around to face her. “I was a child, I needed a mother, hell I needed food and heat, lights, I should have been in school. Yet, instead I was eating garbage, crumbs out of a box and drinking water out of the neighbors garden hose.”
“I know I was a shit mother, Kyra, I don’t need you to remind me of that. I didn’t come back expecting you to welcome me with a big hug and a smile.”
“Then why did you come back?”
I take another step toward her.
“You hang out here, sleeping and looking like at any moment you are going to fall over, or pass out. You tremble and you're skittish, because you are going through withdrawals. Gran and I are both watching and waiting for you to either flip out or disappear.”
“I want to be better,” she says, and I laugh before I have the chance to control it.
“If you wanted to be better than you’d go to the God damned clinic Gran got to accept you. You would go and you would get the help you need. You’d try harder, you’d do whatever it takes.” She doesn’t say anything, but I see her reposition herself in the chair.
“I’m trying so hard to believe that you want to be different, but I just can’t see it. Because to me, if someone wanted to change their life, if they wanted to prove that this was for real and not another lie like all those before it, they would try harder.”
“I just need a few more weeks to get this all out of my system.”
“And that right there is how I know without a shadow of a doubt that you aren’t ready. If you were ready you would know that it's going to take a helluva lot more than a few weeks of hiding away and crawling the walls as you spin out of control. You would know that this is not a week or two event but a lifetime. You would know that you’ll fight the urge for the rest of your life but that you have to find ways to overcome those cravings. You have to want this more than you want anything else.”
“I do,” she pushes her body forward and sits on the edge of the recliner.
“Then prove it.” I stare at her, refusing to back down. “Do something more than throw around a few promises that I know you can’t keep. I don’t trust you, and I’m not sure if I ever fully will, but you getting the kind of help you need could be a step in the right direction.”
She leans forward and rests her elbows on her knees.
“She may not show it but what you are doing, it's eating away at Gran. You are giving her hope and I won’t sit around and watch you destroy her. That is where I draw the line. I won’t let you hurt her.”
“That is my mother, Kyra, she—,”
“She is my mother too,” I say this not to hurt Rose to prove my point. I refuse to allow her to use Gran. “So don’t you dare use that as an excuse to make yourself feel better about taking advantage of her kindness. She is not your doormat, and she is not here to provide you with a place to crash when you’ve burned all your bridges elsewhere. You’re here to get help and be a better you, or you are here until the next sorry piece of shit rolls through town with a suitcase full of dope. Let’s hope it's not the second one, for Gran’s sake and yours, because I meant what I said, if you hurt her,” I take in a deep breath when I hear the creaking noise of Gran’s door.
“Oh sweetie, it's late,” she places her hand on my shoulder while stepping around me. “Rose, are you still up?”
“We were just talking Ma,” Rose tells her, finally standing and walking further into the light of the kitchen. “I was telling Kyra that I’ve reconsidered Shady Ridge.”
I try not to react but on the inside I am both relieved and fuming.
“Rose,” Gran places her hand to her chest, and I notice the shift of her shoulders as she takes a deep breath.
“I need help,” Rose adds, and Gran moves in closer.
It feels like the floor rocks beneath my feet. I swear to it, if she is playing with Gran’s emotions I will strangle her and it won’t matter if she remains sober or not, because she won’t be breathing.
“I know you’ve both been walking on eggshells.” Rose adds as she accepts my Gran’s hug. “I know you’ve been waiting for me to fall and to be honest, I’m surprised I haven’t yet.”
Gran releases her, but remains close.