Page 49 of Legally Yours

As I gaze at the sign, I remember how exciting and glamorous the modeling business can be. I know my parents are proud of my achievements in the fashion world. But I don’t think I’ve seen them any happier than when we three first looked up at the humble sign. I’m home and with home comes happiness for us all.

Maybe this is why I wanted to marry David. Maybe all along I craved the simple life my parents have. To be a wife and a mother and own a decent business. That’s the American way, isn’t it?

The days go by. I get stuck on my new life as a store owner. I get to know my new neighbors and become active in my community. I even sponsor a kid’s baseball team and watch the weekend games, the kids wearing Bolkvadze Convenience jerseys as they strike the opponent players out.

I host a small block party one Saturday, and my sales profits soar. It’s long hours, of course, but it never feels like work. I know everyone by name, even my delivery boys.

There are times, of course, in the quiet hours, where I’m stacking new stock. My body works on autopilot, which allows my mind to wander back. And pangs of sadness, anger, and regret seep back in. But then the doorbells chime. It’s a customer. And their lighthearted banter brings me out of my gloom yet again.

My life is my home, and my life is good.

It’s only when the day comes to a close and I turn the open sign over before I hike upstairs to my private life that those gloom-filled feelings wash over me again. Night is so quiet and so still. I’ve done good work throughout the day, and my reward is a nighttime full of what if’s…

What did I do to push David away?

Did I do the same thing with Liam?

Am I destined to be alone, never being a wife or a mother?

Did I make my modeling career so important that I pushed love away?

Throughout the night, I toss and turn, the questions revolving in my mind. I dream of weddings unfulfilled, of men leaving me at the altar, of limelight on catwalks I walk alone.

Then dawn rises, and I rise with it. It’s another beautiful day. I shed the gloom, and I slap on a cheerful face.

I’m a humble store owner. I choose happiness and contentment over strife.

I pad to the kitchen, make a brew, and face my windowpane. “Can you talk to me like Leslie’s window?”

The window says nothing. I swallow the coffee. It’s black. No cream or sugar. Some windows are helpful. Some are not. I start my day.

40

CASSANDRA

It’s a morning just like every other morning without Liam. There is no breakfast cooked by him. There is no good morning kiss or even a smile meant for me. It’s a hugless morningandI feel terrible.

My body is changing, and I don’t know why. The skintight dress I want to wear today doesn’t look right. The dress bunches around my middle and my chest. Both my breasts and my tummy are a smidge too big for this dress.

I’ve never had that happen before. Everything I wear always fits just right. I’m a model. I work to sell clothes but today no one would want to buy what I decide to wear – a tent-like T-shirt and a pair of baggy jeans.

I find these clothes in a bag that is meant to be taken to donation on behalf of my mother. I am wearing my mother’s clothes! This can’t be. I am so shocked and disgusted with myself, I have to run to the bathroom to throw up. This is a first, I never throw up. Not even after a long night of drinking.

When I try to get up from the floor where I was kneeling, I start to see the room swirling around me.

“Cass, what’s wrong with you?” I ask myself. After I manage to get up off my knees, I slowly walk to the kitchen and open the refrigerator to get some yogurt and some orange juice.

“Oh, no! I’m going to throw up again!” I run to the bathroom to do the deed, and I start to cry. It’s then that I realize my cycle is off. I’ve been so busy I didn’t even notice. “Could I be pregnant?” I say to myself.

Somehow I leave the apartment, dizzy and weak. Dr. Robinson has agreed to see me this morning. She has an opening. I go in where they ask me to pee in a cup, and I do. The nurse also takes some blood and smiles at me.

The nurse takes me into the doctor’s office, and Dr. Robinson is beaming at me.

“Okay, kiddo, you’re pregnant. Congratulations!”

I start to cry.

“What’s the matter? Don’t you want this baby?”