Page 1 of Where Is the Love

PROLOGUE

JESSICA

“I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you, Decklan, but I’m tired of sticking around to be ignored and taken for granted.”

“Baby, please don’t do this. Jessica, I need you.”

“Need me? You have a fucked-up way of showing that shit. For the past four months or so, you’ve been someone else. After Nesha and Lennox’s wedding, I won’t ever have to see you again. Although Lennox is your brother, I promise to miss as many family events as I can to avoid your ass. Just to think, I thought you would be the one for me. I’m not for the bullshit, but yet I’ve been dealing with the shit because I was falling for the man you showed me you could be. You left me emotionally, and the pussy you been dipping in, apparently, has all your attention.”

I walked away from him and zipped my suitcase. After Christmas, I would be flying to New York for a photo shoot for a Nordstrom ad. When Decklan grabbed my arm to turn me back to him, I obliged him but slapped the shit out of his ass. My feelings were hurt as fuck. He didn’t deny fucking around on me. I didn’t have solid proof, because I wasn’t a ‘go through his shit’ type of chick. I should be able to trust who I was with. However, the signs were there in his behavior.

The distance, decreased affection and attention, and the minimal communication were all signs that someone else was getting what I used to get from him. I didn’t understand what had happened. Maybe I was working too much and not around enough.Stop that shit, Jessica!I refused to accept blame for his fuck ups. He knew what it was when he got involved with me.

He released me, and his hand went to his face as he frowned. It wasn’t a frown of anger though. It was one of sorrow and remorse. The sight of it pulled the emotions out of me. The tears fell from my eyes, no matter how hard I was trying to hold them in. It had been a while since I had been hurt like this. After my last boyfriend and after Uncle WJ had handled my abusive father, I hadn’t given having a man in my life a second thought.

That wasn’t to say I didn’t engage in ho activities from time to time, because I definitely did. Jasmine Sullivan had written that albumHeaux Talesjust for me. I was a single woman and could do what the fuck I wanted to do. Jessica Monroe could be a whole ass problem at times. I had niggas hunting me down to get that good good, and I would straight up ghost their asses afterward. Being plus sized didn’t stop a nigga from fucking me or eating my pussy and the groceries. This sized eighteen frame didn’t go unnoticed by anybody. I supposed I inherited my body type from Aunt Chrissy, along with the wagon I was dragging… my ass. My mama was slender and had been all her life.

After I got established in my career with my stepdad, Carter Wothyla and family friend, Shylou Smith, being a full-figured model, I wanted love… I was ready for it, especially after I saw how happy Nesha was with Lennox. When she told me he had a brother, I was all for the meet up.

For nearly an entire year, I’d been wined and dined by him. I could admit that I was a slow mover when it came to my emotions. I didn’t want to reveal how I felt about a person too early, for fear of getting hurt… like I was now. It seemed he was the same way, because other than saying how attracted he was to me and how he needed me, the love word hadn’t left his lips either.

I fell to my bed next to my suitcase and cried my eyes out for the first time in a while. I tried to be strong and not show weakness, but leaving Decklan had me so damn fragile. My heart was broken.I love him.I was glad I hadn’t told him my true feelings, or he would be trying to play on them right now. It seemed he knew anyway, though, because he dropped his head to his hands for a moment, then lifted it and pulled me in his arms.

“I’m so sorry, Jess. Seeing you cry like this is heartbreaking, especially to know I’m the cause of it. Damn, baby. I don’t know what got into me. I haven’t been myself for the last few months, and I apologize sincerely for it. You mean so much to me, and I treated you like you didn’t matter in my world. You right. I fucked up bad.”

He kissed my head as I lay against him for what would be the last time. I was trying to wrap my mind around that and pull myself together. Life went on, and, unfortunately, it would be going on without him.

* * *

I was fucked allthe way up. Although Nesha had said she didn’t want to turn up before the wedding, her stepbrother, Decaurey, had told us he was taking us out to a trail ride and wasn’t accepting no for an answer. It was actually the party after the trail ride. The actual ride had taken place earlier in the day. I’d been dancing with this fine ass country hood nigga almost all night. His hands had graced my curves, and his erection had been pressed against my ass all night as well.

After making my way back to the dance floor with my water, I noticed people crowding an area. I rolled my eyes. If these muthafuckas were fighting, I was gonna be so upset. I was having a great time and hadn’t thought about Decklan once since I’d been dancing. When a path started to clear out, I saw my cousins Jakari and Malachi. Right behind them was Nate… Nate fucking Guillory.

He was a professional basketball player, and he was one of Lennox’s friends. That man was fine as hell, and I was about to lose the good sense God gave me just to get a taste. I’d just met him today at the wedding rehearsal, but I could barely take my eyes off him. We talked a bit and exchanged numbers. He’d texted me a couple of hours ago when we first got here, asking me to hit him up when I got settled for the night. Apparently, he couldn’t wait until then.

The guy I’d been dancing with was right behind me, dancing on me as Nate approached. I hadn’t stopped dancing, but our eyes were trained on each other’s. When he stood his tall ass in front of me, I forgot all about the nigga behind me and walked away with him as he gave country hood a head nod. He grabbed my hand and brought it to his thick ass lips and kissed it. “When I heard your cousins say they were coming to meet y’all, I knew I had to come too. I’ve never been to a trail ride, and this seems pretty cool, but there was also a fine ass woman that I needed to see.”

I had to be blushing hard as hell, because it felt like the temperature increased by twenty degrees. I didn’t respond verbally. I just started grinding against him. With as tall as he was, it felt like I was only grinding against his leg. He gave me a slight smile, then said, “Why you didn’t tell me you were involved with someone?”

I took a deep breath and tried to walk away, but he pulled me closer to him by wrapping his arm around me. He smelled so damn good. I slid my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest for a few seconds. I was feeling so damn vulnerable. Nate didn’t say anything else. He wrapped his arms around me and started to sway side to side. Thankfully, the DJ had started playing “Too Long” by King George, which was a mid-tempo cut.

When I pulled away from him, I didn’t know what he saw in my eyes, but he leaned over and kissed my lips. I knew I had to be the envy of every woman in the place. I knew our attraction was so strong because I was vulnerable. From our talk earlier, I knew that he was looking for love. He was so sweet and caring. He was still leaned over, so I said in his ear, “We broke up a few days ago. We aren’t involved anymore.”

He stood up straight and stared into my eyes then brought his hand to my cheek. “He fucked over a good woman. He admitted that tonight in front of your cousins. I think that’s another reason why they wanted to come out here instead of staying with him and Lennox. Although I don’t really know your family, I asked to come because I needed to see about you and your heart.”

Shit!Decklan was running his mouth big time. I did my best to make dealing with shit easy. No one knew how much I was really hurting. Nesha had a clue, which was why she was staring at us so hard. I was the hard one that always kept it together. Every issue I’d had in my life, I gave off the impression I didn’t give a fuck. Deep down inside, I was just like Jenahra Henderson, before and after Joseph Monroe. I was strong, but I was weaker than I let on at times.

I dealt with insecurities, especially about my size and looks. Growing up, I never really saw myself as being beautiful, but instead of wallowing in that, I would make jokes about how beautiful I was. I eventually grew out of that and changed my mindset, but when Carter suggested that I work as a model for his boutique and for Shylou’s clothing line, my confidence really went through the roof.

But here Nate was, after only being acquainted with me for a few hours, seeing what it took other people, even some of my family, months to see… if they ever saw it. I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry. Nate gently caressed my cheek then pulled me into his embrace and started swaying again. Once the song went off, I lifted my head to see him talking to Jakari. When he noticed I was looking at him, he smiled. “You wanna get out of here?”

I only nodded. He licked his lips, grabbed me by the hand, and led me off the dance floor. Nesha gave me a pointed glare as I headed her way to tell her I was leaving. She kissed my cheek. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Jess. You’re vulnerable and drunk. That’s not a good combination when you’re around a sexy ass man that you barely know.”

She was right, but I wasn’t in the same mood I was in earlier. I wanted to fuck the dance floor up, give a nigga hope that didn’t have a chance. Now I wanted to be loved on. I was so damn emotional, and Nate seemed to be sensitive to that. “Nesha, I’m a big girl. I can handle whatever comes of this. I handle things y’all don’t have a clue about because I make that shit look easy. I got it.”

Danica stared on, and I could see her huff slightly. “Jess, we’re just worried about you. That’s all,” she said as Nesha nodded.

“Again, you don’t have to worry. Jessica takes care of Jessica, and she’s been doing a damn good job all by herself.”