Page 23 of Where Is the Love
“Naw. Enjoy your people. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
She grabbed my hand before I could grab my drink from the counter and pulled me to her, but I pulled back immediately. “I didn’t take a shower, and I’ve been working, Jess. We’ll talk later.”
I pulled my hand away from hers and walked out of the diner without waiting for her response. My nerves were too on edge for me to be there right now. Had it only been her, I would have stayed. I could see the disappointment in her eyes, and I felt bad about that shit. As much as I missed her last week, I couldn’t even enjoy being in her presence. That alone was crazy as fuck.
When I got to my vehicle, I set my container of chicken on the passenger seat and put my drink in the cup holder then rested my head on the steering wheel for a second. I knew I would have to take a trip to Beaumont tomorrow to try to get a loan. I would probably fare out better going through my bank in Austin. I could fill out the paperwork online. I just didn’t know exactlyhowI would fare out.
The gym wasn’t doing as well as it had been. I was taking a hit financially by being out here spending all this money. My dad didn’t have life insurance, so my sister and I had to pay for his funeral. My mama couldn’t fathom cremating him, although that would have been cheaper. Stacy and I spent over ten grand, a little over five a piece, on his services. I just didn’t know what I would do if I didn’t get approved. We would lose the farm.
I lifted my head and noticed Jessica standing outside watching me. She began walking toward my truck as I stared at her, wishing she would have just stayed inside. I lowered my window to see what she had to say. When she got to me, she brought her hand to my cheek. “I want to take you to dinner later. Just me and you.”
“I don’t know. I have a lot of shit on my plate.”
“Brix, are you trying to create distance between us? Did I do something?”
“No. I just… I’m just fucked up by something I just found out. I promise I’ll call you later and let you know about dinner. Okay?”
She stepped up on the running board of my truck and pressed her lips against mine, then stepped down and walked away without a look back. I didn’t know how to tell her what was going on without making it seem like I was asking for money. I didn’t want her to think she had to help me. As a man, it was my job to take care of things. I planned to do that… somehow.
* * *
“I’m sorry.”
“Mama, you know what this could mean?”
She lowered her head. After I left the diner, I drove to Beaumont and just rode around, trying to clear my head so I could come back here and talk to my mama. When I got home, it was close to three. I went straight to the shower, just in case I decided to join Jessica for dinner. After getting out, I joined my mother in the front room, sat on the couch, and just stared at her for a while before she finally apologized.
She fidgeted, not really wanting to answer my question. She knew exactly what could happen. Instead of letting her off easy with the questioning, I decided to give her the harsh reality. “It means the Jeffcoats will own this place, and you’ll either have to move to Austin with me or to New York with Stacy. You will no longer have a place to live. What I don’t understand is why y’all borrowed so much money from him in the first place.”
“Your grandparents were in over their heads. Production was slow. As the Hendersons expanded, it took business away from them. This farm was no competition. Your grandfather literally went broke trying to pay the bank back money he’d borrowed. When he died, the money from his life insurance was used to pay them off so they wouldn’t take the property. That left no money to operate with. Our credit wasn’t good enough to get a loan with the bank, and we didn’t want to lose the land. Mr. Jeffcoat was nice enough to let us borrow the money.”
“Why didn’t y’all say anything? Me and Stacy could have helped y’all! After Dad died, you could have said something so we could have been paying him! I’ve been here four months, spending money, fixing fence that I could have been using to pay him! So not only did y’all not pay him, but I’m out of over ten grand, if I can’t get a loan to pay these people back! Honestly, I don’t want to take out a loan, because I may not be able to pay the shit back. You see the position I’m in? Why didn’t you say anything?” I yelled.
She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, and that pissed me off even more. I’d done all that driving to calm down for nothing, because I was fuming all over again. What it all boiled down to was that they weren’t good businessmen. They didn’t manage money well. They bought unnecessary shit before taking care of their responsibilities, and that shit irritated the fuck out of me as a kid. We were in the financial predicament we were in because of their ridiculous spending habits.
My mama liked to shop, and it was nothing for her to go to the store and buy shit she didn’t need instead of using that money to say… pay the fucking light bill. There were a couple of times that I could remember where our lights had gotten turned off. The shit was embarrassing. Jessica had wanted to come over one time when the lights were off, and I had to lie to her and say that we weren’t going to be home.
My dad wasn’t any better. He spent all kinds of money on farm equipment he could have rented for the time being. That nigga bought an excavator to clear out some of the land. He only used the shit twice in the five years he had it. Had he used the tractor to just keep the fields mowed, he wouldn’t have even needed an excavator. I was gonna have to start slapping for sale signs on shit or take it to the auction.
The auction was a good idea. Tomorrow, I would start loading shit up on that long ass trailer he had that he didn’t use either. In the meantime, I needed to get out of here. I stood from my seat and headed to my room to get dressed. I texted Jessica.I’m sorry about earlier. Where do you want to go for dinner?
I pulled a maroon, button-down, long-sleeved shirt from the closet, some blue slacks, and brown dress shoes. If she didn’t have somewhere in mind, I wanted to take her somewhere nice. Staring at the clothes I’d laid on the bed, I decided to wait for her text before getting dressed. There would be no sense in getting that dressed up if she had other plans. I sat on the bed and played a game on my phone until she responded.
Okay. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, Brix. You seem like you want to be alone. I’ll be here for a week or so.
I slid my hand down my face and responded immediately.I want to spend time with you, Jess. I needed to be alone earlier. I’m cool now.
She didn’t respond right away. She was probably having fun with her people. I could have been there with them had it not been for this bullshit my family had us in. I grabbed my clothes from the bed and hung them back up. I had a feeling that she was gonna treat me like I did her earlier. Jess was petty like that. I should have communicated better. I didn’t know what I could have said to clue her in, but I should have said something more.
After ten minutes had passed without a response from her, I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling, taking inventory in my mind about everything I could sell. I’d sell every piece of equipment around here if I had to. I could only imagine what the property and school taxes looked like. If they weren’t paying Mr. Jeffcoat, I was sure they weren’t paying the taxes either. That would be another issue I would have to deal with.
I brought my hands to my face and prayed for strength and answers. I didn’t know if I should just chalk this shit up as a loss or fight for it. The Hendersons practically owned Nome. There was no way I could make money here unless they bought cattle and shit from me. They didn’t need me. I wasn’t a professional with the cattle like they were. I was certain their herd of cattle were much healthier than ours. We only had a hundred head of cattle anyway. They had thousands.
I hated that this shit was controlling my thoughts. My mind was consumed with how I could save this place, but it was in my nature. I was a problem solver. When my phone rang, I was hoping it was Jessica, but it was only Jeffrey, the manager of my gym in Austin. “Hey, Jeff. What’s up?”
“What’s up, Mr. Lewis? How are things in the country?”
“Stressful as hell. What about out there?”