Page 25 of Where Is the Love
“First of all, nigga, before I even knew about this shit, I asked could I take him to dinner. That means I’m paying, right?”
“Whatever, Jess. He’s sensitive to that shit right now, so chill out, or you gon’ fuck up.”
I rolled my eyes and huffed, knowing that he was probably right. “Fine. I need to go get dressed before he gets here.”
“Yeah, because you go through a fucking metamorphosis when you getting dressed sometimes.”
“Jakari, shut the fuck up!” I screamed then laughed.
He could irritate the hell out of me at times. He laughed and left as I headed upstairs to shower and get ready for my dinner date. Since we were going to Pappadeaux, I would have to get snazzy. I was glad I brought my blue bodycon dress along. Brix’s favorite color was blue, and I planned to work the shit out of it too.
Before I could get in the shower, I heard my mama call out my name. I checked the time, knowing Brix would probably be here in an hour or so. So I yelled, “Come meet me in the bathroom upstairs!”
I started the shower and got clean undergarments from my luggage. I let Tyeis sleep in my bedroom this trip, and I could hear my mama open my bedroom door and close it back. When she found me in the guestroom, she had a slight frown on her face. “Hey, baby. I was so happy to see you earlier, but we were so busy I couldn’t stop to hug you.”
She hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek. “How was the drive?”
“It was good. Ma, I’ve been needing to talk to you.”
“I know. The last time you were here, I could see it and sense it, but I wanted to let you come to me in your time.”
“Come to the bathroom with me. Brix is picking me up in an hour. We can talk while I’m in the shower.”
“You sure? We can always talk later, baby.”
“I’m sure. We used to talk this way all the time, because it was the only time Joseph wouldn’t barge in on us.”
She lowered her head and nodded. Whenever I brought up Joseph’s name, her reaction was the same. She knew dealing with the aftermath of his abuse had been tough. I got undressed and grabbed a face towel then got in the shower. I let the water soak my face then I wiped it with the towel. “Mama, Brix told me that Joseph forbade him to pursue me.”
“What?”
“Brix wanted me to be his in high school, but Joseph threatened to kill him if he pursued me. I think Brix loves me, Mama. He hasn’t said so, but I can feel it. Joseph’s actions changed my life. I was really feeling Brix back then. What if we would have gotten together and got married? We could have an entire family by now.”
“Wow, baby. But listen. There’s nothing we can do about it now but to live our lives on our terms. What’s meant to be will be. You and Brix have reconnected, and it’s not too late to have everything you just talked about. Maybe you needed to go through the dating scene and heartbreak so you would be ready for him. We don’t know why God allows some things or allows us to make bad decisions, but we definitely can’t question His motives.”
“You’re right. I came to that conclusion when I talked to Nate after the game Thursday night. He was hurt about not knowing his dad after talking to Noah that night. Noah, the rapper, came to his game. He talked to him about what kind of man his dad was, and it caused Nate to be angry that his mother never apologized about keeping him from his father. He said she’s only given him excuses of why she kept him away and kept David in the dark.”
“That’s tough. He needs to have a serious talk with her.”
“He said he would. I told him that she only knew David as the womanizing man that he was. She had no clue what kind of father he would be.”
“That’s true. I’m glad the two of you were able to talk things through. Did you get angry at me when you found out about Joseph?”
Apparently, I hesitated too long, because she started speaking again before I could respond. “It’s okay if you did. I understand totally why that would be your first reaction. What I can respect is that you worked it out and tried to see it for what it was without attacking me about it.”
“Mama, I love you so much. I try not to think that way anymore, but when something is revealed about him or what he did to make us miserable, it knocks me back a step. I’ve learned that when it comes to him and his actions, to think things through. No one made Joseph do the shit he did. He’s the one that deserves my anger, but he isn’t even here to see it.”
“He definitely saw it, Jess. Whenever you came to town and stayed with Tiffany, I got beat for it. He said I was influencing you to be the ho I once was.”
I peeked around the shower curtain to look at her. She had never told me that. She swiped tears from her cheek as she said, “I was so happy you got out of the house when you did. He was only going to get worse. He was talking about arranging your marriage and everything. If you wouldn’t have been looking to leave, I would have gotten you out of here. There is nothing worse than being with a man that you don’t love. I hadn’t loved Joseph since you were a baby… hence my affair with Carter.”
“I’m so sorry, Mama.”
“You don’t ever have to apologize. You have become more than I ever imagined. I’m so happy about the woman you became despite the bullshit. I know you hold so much inside. You get that honest, but whenever you choose to settle down again, whether that’s with Brix or Nate, be open with them and let them know how you feel abouteverything.Don’t hold shit back if you don’t like something, and definitely don’t settle.”
She looked down at her phone as I got out of the shower and grabbed a towel to dry off with. “We have a business meeting in thirty minutes.”
“Yeah, Jakari told me.”