Page 32 of Where Is the Love

I stared at the text message for the longest. I closed my eyes, thankful for the generosity of my family. Uncle WJ always said that God didn’t bless us to not be a blessing to someone else. The Hendersons sustained Nome. We were the heartbeat of Nome. As I thought about it, I wished I would have filed paperwork to change my last name to Henderson as soon as I got away from Joseph.

I thought my last name would have been Guilman. For the entire relationship with Decklan, I’d imagined having his chocolate babies that would have black silky hair like him. I had so many hopes and dreams that I’d kept to my fucking self. Maybe if I had been more open with him, he wouldn’t have strayed. Maybe he didn’t know how serious I was about him and didn’t bother to ask. He wasn’t as forthcoming about his feelings either. Maybe we did need to have a final conversation.

As I rationalized it in my mind, Brix came back to the car. “They don’t have any rooms available. There’s some kind of little league select baseball tournament going on.”

“Okay.”

He journeyed to Eleganté, only to suffer the same fate. Everyone was booked unless we chose to sleep in a motel, and I’d be damned. We would just have to go back to his mom’s house and be quiet or not fuck at all. There was no way we could go to my parents’ house. CJ wouldn’t let shit go unknown. The lil boy was always in somebody’s business. Most times, my grandmother had him since my parents still worked, but his lil ass was hell on wheels.

Plus, because of how she raised me, I would feel like I was disrespecting her house. She always stressed that I preserved myself for marriage. She was honest about not being a virgin when she got married but that she wished she would have waited. That all went out the window. Honestly, I didn’t listen to her words as much as I paid attention to her actions. She always spoke to me in love, and her words helped me later in life whenever I recalled them, but at the time, I wasn’t hearing her… just watching.

“Well, I guess we can either go back to Nome, or I can take you to meet your family wherever they are.”

“I’ll go back to Nome.”

Somehow, the mood between us had fizzled, and we both seemed to be in our heads. Neither of us were talking much, and it was moments like this that made me doubtful about getting into another relationship. He headed up Walden Road to get to Major Drive. I wanted to see where he would take me. If he took me to my parents’ house, then I’d feel justified with my doubts. I wanted to be in his arms, and I wanted to be with him period, but I just didn’t know how this would end up.

* * *

“So you chillingin the house tonight? It’s close to the weekend. I was sure you would be out having a good time.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Brix had taken me home, and I was feeling depressed. I didn’t bother telling him that I wanted to be with him. He’d taken me to the place he wanted me to be. I felt like if he wanted me with him, he would have taken me to his mom’s house. Maybe he wasn’t comfortable with me being there because of the situation with his mom. I didn’t know, but my mind kept trying to come up with excuses for his behavior.

After I got home and had taken a shower, I called Nate. I wanted to go home. Tyeis had messaged me a couple of times, talking about how fine ‘thick ass’ Decaurey was, and I sent eyeroll emojis every time. She said he didn’t seem interested, but she would still subtly let him know that she definitely was. Whatever floated her boat.

“You okay? You sound bothered.”

“I am, a lil bit, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. How was your day?”

“You sure? You know I’m a good listener. My day was cool.”

“I know. When will you be back in Houston?”

“Tuesday. But only for one night. Then I’ll be back in Dallas.”

“I was supposed to head home Wednesday evening, but I may leave Tuesday so I can see you.”

“For real?”

“Yeah. Although we were both in our feelings last time, I enjoyed spending time with you, Nate.”

“I enjoyed it too, especially holding you all night. That shit felt right to me.”

“Yeah. So how long will you be in Dallas?”

“A few days. I have a game next Friday. You coming to Dallas?”

“I don’t know. I have a shoot that Friday, but it’s only in Houston. After that, I have a two-week break. I thought I would spend it in Nome, but I don’t know. I feel like hitting a rodeo or something. I might go to my aunt’s house and ride tomorrow. I love the peace it gives me.”

“I wish I could come ride with you.”

I smiled slightly. That would be hard to accomplish. Aunt Tiff, Uncle Kenny, Uncle Jasper, and Brixton lived on the same highway, walking distance from each other. If Brix saw us, I didn’t know how I would handle that… or how he would handle that for that matter. Right now, I just wanted to be loved on, and it seemed I wouldn’t be getting that unless I initiated it.

“Me too, Nate. I just wanted to see how you were. I’ll call you soon.”

“A’ight, baby girl. Can’t wait to talk to you again.”