Page 40 of Where Is the Love
They were playing 2 Pac. She knew that was my nigga. Most rappers I listened to were southern. He was the exception. They were playing one of my favorites too. “How Do U Want It” went hard any day. I stood from my seat as Jakari sat back and watched us dance. Nesha was dancing up on me like she was a nigga, getting me all amped up.
Before long, I was laughing and cutting up. As I almost got carried away, I saw Tyeis and Decaurey dancing together. She looked so happy, and I was happy for her. I just hoped she would be ready to leave early. I refused to stay in Nome until Wednesday morning and constantly be reminded of how Brix broke my heart.
Just like he said he would, that fine ass bouncer found my ass. He stood at the landing and watched me shake my ass in front of Nesha while she slapped it repeatedly. We were having fun, and I wished my cousins could stay with me and keep my feelings out of the dumps. “He is watching you hard. You know what they say… You can get over one nigga by getting up under another one.”
I glanced at Nesha to see the smirk on her face. She was trying to cheer me up, because that wasn’t something she would say. She was always trying to be encouraging and positive. She didn’t encourage ratchet ass behavior. I glanced at her again and said, “What the fuck. Might as well.”
CHAPTERFOURTEEN
BRIXTON
I was outside putting out feed for the cattle, when a truck pulled into the driveway. I was in a fucked-up mood and just ready to get out of Nome for a little bit. I wasn’t fond of people being all in my fucking business, so that was one thing I didn’t miss about being home. Until now, I had no business to really tell, so I was able to fly under the radar. However, it was just like the Lewis’s to be the laughingstock of Nome amongst the white folks.
I was embarrassed, and I didn’t know how to accept help because I never really had any. I had to work for everything I had. Besides my Pell grant, I had to take out a couple of loans to finish school. My parents didn’t have some lavish savings account for Stacy and me. We literally had to pull ourselves up by the damn bootstraps. That shit wasn’t easy, but we made it.
It took a lot of discipline and determination to be better than our family had been. She and I agreed that we would succeed by any means necessary. I stood up straight and saw Kenny walking up to me. I wanted to roll my eyes, but the Hendersons had been nothing but helpful. When he got close, I said, “Hey, Kenny. How are you?”
“I’m good. A little tired, but I wanted to stop by on my way home to see how you were and if you needed any help with anything.”
“Yeah, I saw that wreck at the light. So you had plenty of action with the ambulance service.”
“Yeah, I did.”
“I’m doing okay. I don’t need anything. I’m just trying to decide what to do with my gym. I thought I was going to move back, and I still might. My thoughts are all over the place. I was thinking that I could just sell it and use the money to do something else. I could also save the money and just go look for a job. I just haven’t worked for anybody in a long time. I may not be a good employee.”
He chuckled. “I honestly think it would be easier for you to just move back home since you’re trying to take care of things out here. It’ll be much easier on you. That way you won’t have to be worried about what’s going on in Austin while you’re here and vice versa. You could always use that money to start a different business out here.”
“Yeah, I just have to figure out what type of business that would be. I have to go to Austin next week to put things in motion.”
We stood there awkwardly quiet for a few seconds, then he asked, “So what’s up with you and my niece?”
“Nothing. We just cool.”
“Tell that lie to somebody that’s gon’ believe it. I saw y’all outside at Jasper’s house. People that’s just cool don’t kiss… not like y’all did.”
I lowered my head, suddenly feeling guilty about how I spoke to her. “I got mad at her about yesterday, thinking she told y’all about my dilemma. I know what Mr. W.J. said, but I assumed the worst. I could tell by some things she said that she knew y’all were coming to my aid. I was rude to her, and she pretty much told my ass off and left.”
“Pride will be your downfall if you let it. A small dose of it ain’t bad, but when it causes you to sever meaningful relationships, it’s a problem. You can’t allow it to control you like that. I can promise you, Jess didn’t say a thing to any of us. If she knew about what we were doing beforehand, either her mama or Jakari told her. Do you love her?”
I slid my hand over my face, realizing how I had fucked up. “I do, but I’m more than sure she thought it was all a game now. She just got out of a fucked-up relationship, so what I did to her yesterday was probably reminiscent of what she went through with Decklan.”
“Only one way to find out. Call her. Text her. Pop up on her. Whatever you have to do to talk to her and apologize, do it. She’s stubborn, but I can tell how much she’s feeling you.”
I nodded as I listened to what he had to say. Kenny wasn’t that much of a talker. When he came to help with the fence, we only talked about shit pertaining to that or the farm. Other than that, he was quiet. So for him to impart his wisdom on me meant that he fucked with me and thought I was an asset to Jess.
“You’re right. Thank you.”
“You ain’t gotta thank me. I’ll holla at’chu later. I’m gon’ try to brainstorm on ideas for a business venture for you. That may help get your mind flowing with more ideas,” he said as he backpedaled.
“I appreciate that.”
When he got in his truck, I looked to see it was almost ten in the morning. Even if Jess wasn’t awake, maybe she would see my text when she woke up.Good morning. I’m so sorry. Can we talk?
No.
She responded immediately. I wasn’t expecting that. If she went out last night, I knew they probably got home late. That one-word answer felt like it pierced me right in the heart. I knew she was angry when she left here yesterday. The way I spoke to her didn’t exhibit the love I claimed to have for her the previous night.How could I speak that way to the woman I loved?
There was no sense in hanging around here today, doing nothing. I could go to Austin today and come back to town Monday evening or Tuesday. That would give me time to talk to my employees in person to tell them how much I appreciated them and how they thugged it out with me until the end. Trying one last text for the day, I sent,Please, baby. I fucked up. I love you.