Page 44 of Where Is the Love

“Because you doing all this shit for nothing. Abney ain’t running. Right now, you the only nigga wanting that damn job. Whether people vote for you or not, you gon’ win if ain’t nobody running against you.”

I laughed so loud Aunt Tiffany had to come outside to see what was so funny. She looked around, waiting for someone to fill her in. “Uncle Storm is the only one running for mayor. Abney isn’t running again.”

“So basically, the fucking Gabriel of Big City Nome spending all that damn money for nothing?”

Uncle Jasper nodded then took a puff of his cigar. As he exhaled, he said, “And one thing Storm hates is wasting money. That’s a shame he wasted all that money.”

“Fuck you, Jasper. I’m going home. You can walk to yours. Let’s go, Marcus.”

He stood from his seat and left Uncle Jasper. Uncle Jasper didn’t live far from here anyway. Leave it to my family to get me out of the dumps. I sat next to Uncle Jasper, and he pulled out a cigar from his shirt pocket and handed it to me. “Let me find out you the fucking plug out here.”

He almost got choked. “Shiiiid, I might as well be… for weed, anyway. I’m always stocked.”

I shook my head then kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Unc.”

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

BRIXTON

When I got back to Nome, I almost wished I could have stayed gone. I was no longer visiting. I was a citizen once again. What made it worse was that the love that I’d fucked up with family was here. I would always be reminded of her, not to mention I would probably see her whenever she came to town.

I couldn’t focus on my issues with Jessica though. I needed to talk to my mama. She was of utmost importance right now. I knew she was feeling a way about everything that had happened, and I needed to mend our relationship ASAP. One thing life had taught me was that it wasn’t promised. In the blink of an eye, I could lose her without warning. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her. Furthermore, death didn’t have an age requirement. I could very well leave this earth before her.

It was time out for being petty and stubborn. Helen Lewis meant everything to me, and I needed her to know that. She was still grieving the loss of my father… the man she’d been married to for thirty-five years. I knew that was hard for her. It had been hard for me, which was why it was so easy for me to get angry.

I pulled in the driveway to see her outside on her knees. I frowned slightly and got out of my truck to see she was planting something. Smiling slightly, I made my way to her. “Hey, Mama.”

“Hey, baby. I’m glad you made it back safely.”

Her voice sounded so weary. It only made me feel worse inside. “What are you planting?”

She glanced up at me and smiled. “Well, I’ve been out here all day. Over there are bell peppers, next to them are cucumbers, then onions. Right here, I’m planting tomatoes.”

I gave her a tight smile then went to my knees to help her. I hadn’t done this in a long time, but I hadn’t forgotten. I sank my fingers in the dirt and began helping her plant. Gloves were never needed for a country nigga like me. I just always made sure to wash my hands really well afterward.

“Mama, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t owe me an apology, baby. I’m sorry for not telling you and Stacy about the mess we created.”

“I realized when I was closing the gym that I was part of the problem. Before I locked the doors, I walked through the place. In my mind, I felt like a failure. My mind went to Dad, and I reminded myself of him. It’s sad because I looked at my father as a failure. Whenever I have feelings of defeat, failure, or inadequacy, I think about him. My thoughts are all screwed up. My perception of who my father was as a man was all fucked up. Excuse my language, Mama.”

She gently rubbed my back as I planted tomato seeds. “It’s okay, baby.”

I looked over at her when I heard her voice tremble and saw the tear fall down her cheek. I leaned my forehead against hers. “Y’all were doing the best that you could. Stacy and I were so selfish, we couldn’t see that. Dad wasn’t a failure. He never gave up. That man worked hard to provide for us. Sometimes he came up short, but none of us were hurt because of it. Y’all didn’t come to me about the money because you knew how I would respond.”

“Baby, we didn’t want you or Stacy to have to be involved. We’d made a mess of things by trying to do more than we could afford, in hopes that the return would be great. It never worked out. We only kept digging a deeper hole to bury us in. The stress of all that is what killed your father. He was trying so hard to be independent and not ask for help. It wasn’t until he knew we were for sure going to lose the property that he asked for help. Our credit wasn’t good enough to go to a bank. That was why we went to Mr. Jeffcoat.”

“Still, Mama. It wasn’t for me to condemn y’all. It took my business failing to realize that. Sometimes we aren’t in control, and that’s a hard pill to swallow. When the Hendersons showed up, I got angry. Like Dad, I was filled with pride, upset that they knew my business. I hated that. I blamed Jessica, saying that she’d told them what I told her in strict confidence. Then when I knew she hadn’t said a word, I still blamed her for knowing about it and not telling me she knew. That was so stupid. Now she won’t talk to me. I’m scared I may have lost her.”

“Jessica is a lot like your grandmother was… my mother. She didn’t take any mess. If she got mad, you had to give her three to five business days to cool down.” She chuckled. “If you didn’t, she’d unleash a fury on you that you’d never seen. However, once she cooled down, her heart always shined through. She needed time to get over whatever she was angry about. So give Jessica time.”

“What if she doesn’t come around?”

“Jessica loves you, baby. When I came home that day and y’all were in the recliner together, I could see it by the way she looked at you. Although she didn’t want to admit it, I truly believed she loved you when y’all were in high school. So with time, I believe that she will reach out to you.”

“Thanks, Mama.”

I kissed her forehead and finished planting the seeds as a truck turned in the driveway. I noticed it was Kenny and his friend, Shylou. I went to the water hose at the side of the house and rinsed my hands then went back to where they were. “What’s up, man?” Kenny asked.