Page 58 of Dance for Me
“Under the right circumstances, possibly.”
He shook his head slowly. “That’s a no and we both know it. I want to be furious with her for keeping this from me, but I’m torn between hunting her parents down and ripping them apart, and kicking my own ass for misreading the signs.”
“I’ll help annihilate her parents, but you read the signals she’s been giving off with the information you had at hand from her closest friend. We can’t automatically assume every nervous little soul who ventures through those doors is an actual virgin, Braun. BDSM virgins, sure, we get our fair share, but an honest to god virgin? Not an everyday occurrence.”
“Fuck. I’ve hunted her, Con. Pushed her into working here, done my fucking utmost to persuade her to be my sub, and she’s not got a fucking clue what she's agreed to. That makes me a bigger asshole than those fuckers who raised her!”
The Irish was thicker in his voice, strong and potent as it always became when he was pissed. Between that and the profanity, he knew he was on a fine line of control he couldn’t afford to break.
“I beg to differ. The operative word there is persuade. You haven’t used force; you’ve not taken away her choices. If anything, you’ve offered her more. She agreed to become your sub because she likes you, Braun. It speaks to her strength of character that she’s taken that step. I think if you’d put pressure on her, strong-armed her into making decisions she wasn’t ready for, she’d have kicked you in the teeth and testicles by now and walked away cursing your name.”
Braun winced, his balls shriveling at the mere thought of absorbing a hefty kick from her boot. “She would’ve let me fuck her without saying a goddamn word. I could have hurt her, Connie. I’m not exactly the ideal size for an innocent, and my urges can be rough.”
“I’ve seen you fuck,” the Domme said mildly. A wicked smile curved her lips at whatever memory she dredged up. “Yes, you could have, but Bodie believes she knew the risks of that and accepted them. Accepts them. She doesn’t want to be treated like she’s fragile, Braun, which is something you may have to take into account. I’ve seen you play, and balancing rough with tender is within your skillset.”
“I’ll balance rough with tender, all right, when I take a strip off her ass.”
“Don’t punish her for this. I convinced her to let me tell you, which she was vehemently opposed to. If you lead her to think that her secrets will earn her punishments if she reveals them to either one of us, we’ve lost her before we’ve ever really started. Bodie must learn to trust we won’t use what she tells us against her.”
Well hell, he hadn’t seen it that way. He was a giant tangle of urges. Spank her, cuddle her, shout at her, rock her. It galled him he’d missed all the signs she’d been sending. Even when he’d caught an inkling something was amiss and he’d asked questions, he’d asked the wrong ones and read her answers to suit what he thought he knew.
“I want to know more about the fuckwits tormenting her,” he growled.
“As do I. But I’m not going to herd her into a corner. Simply by letting her talk tonight, she’s steered the conversation into several areas I’ve noted down to touch upon. She’s not straight lines and precise angles, Braun. Her brain is literally a maze of confusion and repression.”
He studied his palms. “Is she competent enough to give consent?”
“Look at me, Master Braun.” Shit, she was using her Domme voice with great effect. He met her eyes, read the sympathy in them. “You haven’t violated consent. Bodie is of sound mind and she knows her own thoughts, her own feelings. It’s my opinion you are what she needs right now. She needs stability, guidance, and someone who cares for her and will continue to show her she matters even when she acts out in an attempt to prove everyone in her life walks away when she needs them the most.”
Hmmm. He could do that. Had been doing that. “Do I need to back off?”
“Pursuing intercourse? No. Whatever you’ve been doing, keep doing it. Any major changes in your behavior toward her now will only solidify her reasons for not telling you.”
That was what stung the most. Bodie hadn’t told him. The trust he’d thought they were building between them fizzled, died. He might have to act as though this revelation hadn’t hacked him off at the knees, but Bodie was going to have to put some effort in to earn back what she’d lost.
He rose, sighing heavily as added weight thumped down on his shoulders. He’d stepped onto a minefield he wasn’t quite sure how to navigate. If his emotions weren’t twined with her, if his heart wasn’t into her one hundred percent, he’d walk away from her. How many times had he told Bodie the lifestyle was about trust? Asked her to trust him?
What else was she lying about?
Oh, he could understand why she’d lied to him about this. What her asshole parents would do to her, he wished on no one. Should they try get their dirty paws on his girl, he would deal with them once and for all. But it didn’t—couldn’t—erase the fact she’d evaded the topic and lied.
They’d be lucky if the relationship lasted.
But he wasn’t going to think like that, he chastised himself sternly. Giving up on her now wasn’t an option, and if he kept thoughts of breaking up with her in his head, she would sense them. His little liar was astute that way.
No, ending it wasn’t the right thing for either of them.
“I’ll take that into account,” he told Connie. “I’m so goddamn mad with her right now. Not only for lying about her experience, but for remaining in a position where she’s open to danger.” That he intended to remedy tonight, whether she liked it or not. She wouldn’t be living within snatching distance of her parents for the foreseeable future. He’d chain her to the fucking bed first. “I really want to make sure she can’t sit down for a week. A month.”
“That is, of course, your prerogative. You know my opinion.” Connie waved a hand toward the door. “Go find her and take her home, Braun. She’s had a long night. Just remember arguing with her won’t solve your problems, and if she has her back up, angry confrontation will only create a rift.”
“So sayeth the wise woman.”
She laughed tiredly. “Feeling like an old wise woman tonight. You’ve got my number if you need me. Now skedaddle and go let that girl know you still adore her. She’s terrified she’s going to lose you.”
Braun sighed again as he walked to the door. “She won’t, not over this. Thank you, Connie. I’m sorry we messed up your evening, but I really do appreciate it. You want me to send Liam in with a drink, give you some time alone?”
Connie shook her head and closed her eyes, resting her head against the back of the couch. “Thanks, but no. You can switch the lights off if you wouldn’t mind; I’ll just grab a nap and recharge my batteries for an hour.”