Page 94 of Montana Silence

Liam rested himself more firmly on top of me, settling his hips between my thighs. “No, this is pretty much perfect.”

I narrowed my eyes and rocked my hips. “If this is what you mean by a gift, we’redefinitelynot waiting for Christmas.”

“Mara,” he laughed.

Kissing him, I imitated zipping my lips closed and throwing away the key.

“From the first moment I saw you in those flower beds near the Ravali cabin, something in me knew you were special. It may sound crazy, but I think the deepest part of me knew you were going to change my life. I didn’t listen, and it took me forever to get my head on straight.”

“Happened at a good time, though,” I said. “Right when I needed you.”

Liam kissed me, his mouth hot and hungry against mine. I slid my hands under his shirt, lifting it up and over his head and tossing it aside. “I’m never going to get through this if you keep doing that,” he murmured against my lips.

“Maybe that’s my plan. To derail you and make you take me upstairs.”

“I promise it’s worth it. And when I’m done, I don’t have any doubts we’ll be upstairs and in bed within five minutes.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Intriguing.”

“Fuck.” He was trying not to laugh and just barely managed to straighten out his expression. “As I wassaying. It took me a while to get to where I needed to be. Thoughts I wasn’t even aware of were holding me back. Thinking I wasn’t worthy of you, or of anyone, if I’d been abandoned so many times before. Fear of messing it up and ending up alone again. Worry about what you really thought of me or what everyone else would think.”

This time, I didn’t interrupt him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him closer. He spoke the next words brushing the skin of my neck. “And I still have those thoughts. That I’m not worthy of you. That I don’t deserve you. Someday, I’ll do something, and you’ll leave.”

I knew. We talked about it when he was feeling it, and he was working on the impulses with Rayne.

“But it’s getting better,” he said.

“Good.”

Liam smiled. “That being said, you, Mara Greene, are incredible. You’re a survivor. Raised in hell, and when you got out, you didn’t curl up into a ball and give up. You made a life for yourself. You kept going until you found a place you could truly heal.”

“I didn’t heal until you,” I told him. “Not really.”

Another discussion we’d had. A playful disagreement. I was better, and that was all that mattered. The look on his face told me he knew it too.

“You are beautiful, giving, and kind. You’re generous and warm. You are loving. You are resilient. You areeverythingthe world tried to take away from you.”

Emotion built in my chest. “Liam.”

“But most importantly,” he said, “you are my home. More than a house or a place, more than everything. Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be.”

His face blurred in front of me, and I blinked back the tears, wanting to see him clearly.

“I know we’re not normal,” he said with a grin. “We both come from pasts with shit that would break other people. And I know, too, that because of them”—we never said “The Family” anymore—“and because of what they did and used against you, marriage may not be something you want.”

I shuddered involuntarily. No. It wasn’t. I understood the beauty of a real marriage and everything it stood for. Still, every time I imagined walking down an aisle toward someone—even Liam—my mind was thrown back into pure panic. It didn’t matter if I wanted it, they’d ruined that for me. One thing I wasn’t sure I’d ever reclaim.

“And that’s fine with me,” Liam said. “My marriage did a number on me, too. It doesn’t bother me not to have the piece of paper.”

“But?” I asked. This was clearly leading somewhere.

“But—” he finally moved, pulling us up into a sitting position on the couch “—I wanted to ask you two things.”

Tossing the blanket we’d been snuggled under to the side, he knelt in front of me. I stared at him, suddenly apprehensive.

“Mara Greene, I love you. I am so in love with you, it sometimes hurts to breathe. Everything I told you the first night I admitted it is still true. I envision waking up with you every day for the rest of my life. You make me so happy, and I don’t ever want to let you go.

“So…” He smiled. “I’m not asking you to marry me. But I am asking you to be mine forever. Promise me that we’re in this for good. Share this life with me. Have babies with me. Fight with me. Fuck with me. Be my partner and my safe place. And I will be all of those things for you. I’d even help carry the babies if I could.”