Page 65 of Soup Sandwich

“It’s beautiful,” I whisper.

He swallows audibly and nods. “It is.” He closes the box and sets it on the bed between us, clears his throat, and then stands. “We’re running a bit late, so we should get going. I’ll drop Katy off at camp quickly and then take you to school.”

“Okay.” It’s seriously all I can manage, and I’m grateful he doesn’t have any more words that are like a love potion flowing through my veins.

“I made you an egg sandwich and an espresso. I figured you could use both. They’re downstairs whenever you’re ready.”

And yup. Thanks for that. Because there goes my heart.

He shuts the door behind him, and I scramble for my phone, pulling up Stella’s name and shooting her a quick text.

Me: I said I’d pull out if I started to develop feelings. I think I should pull out, but I can’t pull out and I don’t know what to do. It’s the first morning I’m here, Stella! He was all hot and flirty and only wearing a towel after the shower and then he gave me a fucking diamond and said all these incredible things about me. How am I not supposed to fall for him when he does shit like that?

By the love of Moses even though it’s very early for my friend who works very late hours, she replies instantly.

Stella: Remind me why you can’t fall for him because he sounds perfect.

Me: Not helping! You’re supposed to help! I’m freaking out.

I start pacing, staring at my ring. No, not my ring. Suzie’s ring. This is a prop.

Stella: Okay, keep your tits on. Mamma always said there’d be days like this. You knew the first day would be the hardest. You also went into this already crushing on the guy, which isn’t helping. But you’re Layla Fritz. If anyone can do this, it’s you. Poor bastard should have asked me. I would have done it and he’d have no risk of me falling for him.

Me: It’s moments like these that I wish I was a lesbian too. You and I could have fallen in love and moved to an island and had babies while we opened restaurants and cured local people of disease. Instead, I’m here wearing a diamond bigger than my face and pacing a bedroom that isn’t mine after I slept next to my fake fiancé.

Stella: In another life, it’s you and me, boo. Until then, focus on yourself, and what you have to do to protect your heart while helping them. If protecting yourself is still what you want.

Me: It is.

Stella: Then get your shit on lockdown. You let it out of the cage, but now you have to shove that bitch back in there and remind her of all the reasons you designed your plan and set up rules.

She’s right. Deep breath. I can do this. It’s just a crush like she said, and I won’t let it become anything more. Nothing about us is right. A professor/student relationship is not cool and I don’t have time for that. I’m here to help and that’s what I’ll do and in the interim, I’ll protect my heart from his infiltration at all costs.

I give myself a shake and crack my neck and then my knuckles because I’ve got this, even if my heart isn’t totally sold on that.

Me: He’s the sperm and I’m the condom protecting my heart. He shall not pass.

Stella: Um. Are you allegorizing Gandalf the Grey to a condom? Because straight up no on that. Besides, this all sounds very weirdly sexual and reproductive so… can’t you just say something simple like you’ve got this?

Me: I’ve got this.

Sorta.

Stella: Better. Thank you. Just stick to your goals. Once he wins the kid, you can walk. Help him do that and this ends quickly.

Me: <3

Help him win the kid and I can walk. Something inside of me pinches. Something I shove away because it’s not helpful and then I head downstairs, listening as I hear Katy giggle at whatever Callan is doing.

“No! You have them on the wrong feet.”

“Are you sure?” Callan questions and when I round the corner, I discover him wearing his shoes on the wrong feet.

“Yes!” Katy giggles louder. “Uncle Cal, you have to fix them, or you’ll trip.”

“You think so?” He takes a step and then dramatically goes tumbling forward straight into me, forcing me to catch him. Katy breaks into a full-on belly laugh. His hands plant on my shoulders as he rights himself. “Anything for a cheap laugh,” he whispers to me, giving me a wink. “All right, Ladybug. Go get your stuff while I fix my shoes.”

Katy flies off the stool and then runs to the back hall to grab her backpack.