Page 27 of Volatile
The ones we’ve buried but still see.
I’ve lost you so many times
But still, you haunt me.
Am I the only one who carries this weight?
Is your soul lighter these days?
Am I without burden
Without the burden of us?
Kingsley wrote the song about Alister the first time they broke up, and I’d never felt the full weight of the emotion and guttural loss before tonight, even when I wrote the melody for it. It changed the way I sang it and the arrangement as I performed. The notes came to me as they always did. The crowd fell deadly quiet as I transformed it into a ballad.
We shared those three minutes in mourning.
They didn’t make a sound as my voice fell silent.
I lifted my veil and exhaled.
We were one. It was a religious experience I shared with fifty thousand strangers.
I’d never experienced a moment in music like it, and I knew I never would again.
“Thank you for sharing sorrow,” I said at length, breaking the tranquility.“It brings us closer. It lets me breathe and gives me peace to let it out with all of you. I hope it brings you peace too.”
I threw the veil into the crowd and then turned to get a drink, meeting my brother’s stare. He came over and put a hand on my bicep. I embraced him.
Kingsley put his forehead to mine. “I love you.”
“I love you.” We held each other for a long moment. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For giving my chaotic melody words.”
“Thank you for being my brother. There’s no one I’d rather stand next to for the rest of my life.” He leaned closer, dropping his voice while pressing his forehead to mine. “You know, you just ignited the entire incest fandom.”
“I’m not going to apologize. If they can’t handle healthy love, I’m not going to try to explain it to them.”
We hugged again and laughed before starting the show.
* * *
After that, all bets were off. I found my stride while Royal sank into his silence.
Royal didn’t get any better over the next two weeks. He played distracted, and I couldn’t help but take it fucking personally. He avoided me like I’d been infected with something vile. His temper got worse, too.
He was volatile.
Violent even.
Scowling at everyone. Barely suitable for public.
We’d never been more out of sync, and Royal kept clear of me. I wanted to call Lucy, but I stopped myself. Nothing about adding her to the situation would help except giving me a momentary reprieve, and after the last time, I wasn’t even sure it would be that.
When the walls closed in, I left the club they were at to find somewhere else to be. I couldn’t deal with feeling like an outsider in my band anymore. Nor could I bear to watch Royal take another girl in a short skirt to the bathroom.