Page 18 of All the Discord

“More like fucking terrified of them.” Toby grunted as he pulled out his food.

Paxon glared at Toby before turning back to me. “But with you, he never showed any of that. Something about you calms him down.”

“That doesn’t mean we need to become best buddies.”

Paxon’s expression fell into disappointment, and my stomach roiled in regret. I sighed and looked away.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that in such a bitchy way.”

“Are you sure about that?” Bryan asked. I sent him my best scowl and we went into a glaring match.

Justin cleared his throat, more as a warning rather than to get something out of it. Bryan turned a little red in embarrassment and looked away.

“We want to get to know the woman who gained the affections of my little brother. He’s important to me and you’re somehow important to him.” Paxon shrugged. “We just want to understand you better. I know you started off on the wrong foot with some of us. We’re a close-knit group of friends, and since I’m protective of Calvin and he already wants to go over to Seth’s house in hopes of seeing you again, I thought we could try being friends.”

“I see,” I mumbled, not sure how to feel. I didn’t do friends. There had only ever been one person, but distance kept that extremely limited to text messages and phone calls. I didn’t even know how one went about being friends. Did that mean I had to tell them my secrets? Because if that were the case, we weren’t going to work out. No way in hell was I going to let them know how fucked up my personal life really was.

“So?”

“So what?” I asked dumbly.

“So can we be friends?” Toby asked, practically shaking with anticipation.

I thought of little Calvin and his adorable doe-like gray eyes that were almost as expressive as Justin’s. About how shy he got when attention was focused on him and how his face lit up when we talked. I couldn’t take that kind of happiness from him. I didn’t understand why it was me who opened him up, but I couldn’t stay away from him knowing I was disappointing him. Nor did I want to hurt his feelings. Unfortunately, if I wanted to stay in contact with Calvin, that meant he came with a mama bear and his four overprotective friends.

The fact that they cared about Calvin so much showed just how good these guys were. I never felt like they were going to hurt me outside of the sudden movements and touches. Everything about their personalities and interactions with others said everything, said they’d never hurt me, at least not intentionally. They were reminding me what sincerity was like.

And my life was different now. I wouldn’t need to hide bruises or have excuses ready as to why they existed. I wouldn’t need to always say no to hanging out with them because I needed to rush home to avoid getting in trouble.

Would it be okay to try being friends with them? Was this something I wanted in my final year? I wasn’t sure. Wasn’t it too late? We’d all be going off in different directions in less than a year. Was it worth it?

Releasing a breath, I was about to say no, when instead, I found myself changing my mind. “Fine.”

Toby whooped with excitement before munching down on his food. Justin’s lips turned up into a tiny smile. Paxon relaxed, settling down.

Bryan finally met my eyes and his regret was clear in the way he looked at me. “I truly am sorry for the things that I said,” he whispered. His eyes begged me to forgive him, letting me know he really did feel bad. His friends probably pushed him to apologize to me again, but this time around, there was sincerity in his words.

I nodded in response, but didn’t say anything. I was fine with Paxon and Toby. Didn’t really know Justin well enough. But Bryan, he still made me angry just looking at him.

Bryan sensed that too, his body stiffening. Frowning, he turned to his food. I wanted to feel bad, but at the same time, I didn’t have the energy to do so.

Chapter Ten

The rest of the day passed quickly, the guys not giving me a chance to pull away from them again. I had to admit, I stopped trying and went with it, sitting with them for the rest of our classes, though I kept conversation to a minimum. They didn’t seem to mind, talking enough for the both of us, or in Justin’s case, respecting that I preferred the quiet. Not that I hated all the chatter Toby managed to keep up. Talking just wasn’t something I was used to. With Bryan though, we acted like we were still strangers. He didn’t try to talk to me, and I didn’t try either.

And the twins? They kept waving at me and greeting me. If I tried to ignore them, they’d just keep waving their hands like maniacs until I finally awkwardly responded. And when I did, the ones around them would frown at me, so I’d duck my head and disappear into a room or behind a mob of students to avoid them.

I was right, and Lillian was in my physics class. It looked like she was going to sit with me, but Toby and Bryan kept her away. She did give us curious looks. I wasn’t sure if it was because she didn’t expect me to have anyone to sit with in class. Either way, she still smiled and waved at me until I returned the gesture, then she sat with one of her friends.

“I didn’t know you’re friends with Lillian,” Toby said.

“I’m not.”

“Are you sure?” Bryan asked, finally saying something to me for the first time since lunch. There was an edge to his voice.

Toby sent him a glare. “Behave.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Bryan grumbled.