Page 101 of Finding a Melody
“No!” Seth finally let me go, letting me breathe. “Not your fault.”
“Maybe. But it doesn’t change my thoughts. It is my fault and I’ve been spending the last eight years making up for it. And I’ll keep doing it. Lindie is broken because of me. I need to help fix her.”
“But for how long?” Bryan asked.
I looked away from the two of them, unable to handle their sad expressions. It made my chest feel tight, like all of me was gathering together, preparing to break down.
“Until it’s enough,” I finally said. “And right now, I’m hoping it’ll be enough. She’s finally getting the help she truly needs. The therapy that can help her resolve her issues. The medication to keep her as herself.”
“Whatever is wrong with your mother, that can be something she’ll have to deal with for a lifetime. Are you telling me you’ll always be stuck underneath her for that long?” Bryan asked in a hard voice, anger darkening his words. “At what point will you be able to live your own life?”
“Bryan, stop,” Seth warned.
Bryan gritted his teeth. “I’m done eating,” he said and stomped off.
Seth sighed.
“Is he okay?” I asked.
“He just needs to work through his thoughts. He’ll be fine.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” Seth wiped under my cheeks. “What you’ve been going through, it hasn’t been an easy life, and we’re left feeling useless. We’ll get over it.”
“I don’t mean to make you feel like that.”
“You know, Cadence, you aren’t alone anymore. You don’t have to carry all these thoughts on your own. If these kinds of thoughts are there, maybe try talking to us. We want to help you. And if you really can’t, there are other means.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Are we going back to the topic about therapists?”
“Why, who brought that up?”
“Seems like everyone lately,” I admitted.
“Maybe that means it should be something you consider. You carry a lot of heavy weight with you. Having a third perspective could help you alleviate some of that extra weight.”
“Have you ever talked to one?”
“Briefly, when I was little, soon after my mom found Paul. He had me talk to someone for a few weeks. He was concerned, knowing the situation he walked into.”
“Did it help?” I asked.
“I think so. I mean, I’m a fully functional responsible adult now, aren’t I?” He puffed out his chest.
I snorted and patted said chest, noting how hard and well-built his body was. “Of course you are.”
“What does that mean?” Seth fake pouted.
I broke out laughing, enjoying the break from such an emotional story. “Nothing. Nothing at all.”
Seth looked like he didn’t believe me, but he was smiling at least as the mood lightened. And that heaviness that seemed to have welded into my soul, even that felt lighter. Talking did help.
Maybe there was merit in considering talking with a therapist.
Chapter Thirty-One
Next day at school, Bryan was quiet, but he stayed by my side when we had classes together, so he wasn’t upset with me. That was something at least. I felt bad though. I unloaded too much on him. I tried to talk to him about it, but he’d only scowl at me and then would find a way to change the topic.