Page 104 of Finding a Melody

Paxon remained silent as we got to the library, where Justin was already waiting for us. Only after we sat down did he finally speak.

“You have time now to think about it. You have a whole life ahead of you to look forward to.”

His words hit harder than I expected. He was right though. With Lindie no longer around, I had so much to think about. I just didn’t know where to begin.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Paxon was running laps around the field as his team warmed up for practice. I was beginning to recognize the players a bit more since I was paying attention. Especially the three guys that seemed to always hang around Paxon. His soccer friends. It was clear they were close and that they’d played together for a long time. I saw it during his game too, how easy it was for them to pass the ball around to each other.

This was Paxon outside of his immediate close friends, away from Justin, Toby, Bryan, and Seth. He smiled and laughed and was carefree, just not as carefree. While his friends pretended to roughhouse and fight, he’d always stand back and laugh. That wasn’t the case when he was with Toby and Seth. He’d be right in the middle of it all, wrestling around with them too.

It was weird to see the split difference. But he was still happy, still relaxed, still having fun. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched his energy on the field. He drew attention from everyone, including his teammates and his coach.

“He’s good, right?” Toby asked, coming up the bleachers with his guitar.

“You lugged that to school?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Where did you even stash that?” He didn’t have it with him during classes and it definitely couldn’t fit in his locker.

Toby chuckled. “Paxon let me keep it in his car.” Toby dangled a key on a key ring. “His spare.”

“Ah.”

“Are you ready?” he asked.

I wiped my hands on my legs and nodded, even as my leg shook. We had decided to keep moving forward with the father-daughter song. Apparently, it hit close to Toby too. I hadn’t thought about it before, but after learning about his past, it made sense. There was a time where he had questioned his parents’ love and devotion to him too. A time when he thought he was being abandoned as he lost all attention from them.

This song very quickly became something deep and intense for us.

“Let’s do it,” I said, my words already thick with emotions.

Toby settled next to me, placing his guitar case next to him and then turned to me. “We can do a different song, if you want. I know this is something very personal to you.”

“No. I’m good. It’s actually been helping me. Writing out all my emotions, putting it into words. Thinking about how he felt too having to leave me. It has helped.”

Toby stared at me for a moment, like he was trying to read me. Finally, he blew out a breath and got out his guitar, getting comfortable.

“Okay. Well, I think we have the chorus down pat, let’s go through that one more time and then we can think about what each person wants to say about the other.”

He strummed the guitar and already the familiarity of the song came back to me. I tapped my finger against my thigh as I stared down at the music sheet. For a moment, the words didn’t want to come out, lodged in my throat. Toby noted it, but just softly kept playing the music over and over until finally, I was able to sing in a low voice. Toby joined me, adding in his deeper melody to it:

“My light is but a flicker in my chest (Hold on to me. Please oh, hold on to me)

I’m burning all the embers deep within (Hold on to, please oh, hold on to me)

Slowly, oh slowly, it steals everything (Hold me tight)

It’s so far away and the warmth is so faint (Hold me close)

Can I hold on? (Hold me tight)

Can I hold on? (I’m right here)

Can I hold on, ooh”

Toby played a few more notes on the guitar before stopping. “That’s pretty solid to me. Maybe iron out a few spots, but for now it’ll do.”

“But now the hard part,” I said.

“Maybe.” Toby gave me a big smile. “But we’re rock stars and we’re going to rock it out. We’ll have them all sobbing like babies by the time we finish our performance.”