Page 51 of Finding a Melody

I smiled. “Can.”

I got comfortable on the bench, then tugged on his arm until he practically fell into my lap. He tried to sit back up, reaching for his glasses, but I just pushed him down and made him adjust until his head rested in my lap and he was on his back.

Hesitantly, not knowing if I was pushing his boundaries, I ran my hand through his hair as he stared up into the dark sky. He didn’t push me away, in fact, his eyelids lowered and he looked like he was half asleep. I was doing exactly what I always wanted someone to do for me when I was growing up. I had read it in a book as a kid and it kind of just stuck with me.

I looked down at Bryan, how his eyes had slightly closed and he was breathing steadily. It was like he had completely relaxed. He liked it, so I kept going.

Being in the middle of a small town made it easier to see some stars and I tilted my head back to look up at them, taking in the dark twinkling diamonds. I knew nothing about stars, but I knew they were beautiful and staring at them made it easier to forget about life.

My lap warmed with Bryan’s body heat. We were in an intimate situation, but I couldn’t get the nerve to care. I was comfortable despite the fact that I was touching Bryan. Our relationship felt the rockiest, but right then, that didn’t seem to matter anymore.

Touching people, even the boys, was hard for me. I wasn’t sure what was appropriate or not, and I was thankful they were letting me figure it out without making fun of me or judging me. I was sure if I crossed a boundary, they’d tell me.

Bryan mumbled something incoherent and I looked down at him. His eyes were shut, but there was something vulnerable in his expression, one he’d never shown me before. I was now seeing a new side to Bryan, the side of him that he showed only to a select few. He wasn’t putting on a brave face, he wasn’t putting up a wall to hide his emotions. He was just... Bryan Goodrow. Himself.

My chest ached at the pain etched in the way he furrowed his brows and the way his lips turned down. Years of being forced to act a certain way, to be polite while others tried to stomp on him. Years of being alone without parents there to guide him and having to learn through trial and error. Years of being judged for every little thing and if he weren’t up to snuff, then he was punished and that was the only real attention he got, when he was in trouble over small infractions. They weighed him down and now he was sharing that pain with me. I could feel the gap between us slowly bridging together.

“I’m tired,” he whispered.

My fingers paused in their movements for a moment, but I forced them to keep going.

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t need to. He would tell me when he was ready. And I really hoped he did, because I didn’t like seeing him like this. We usually spent our time together arguing or having a friendly debate. Our personalities were too similar to not clash, but that was the best way we communicated.

“Stupid party filled with money-grubbing girls,” he said and turned his body so he could wrap his arms around my waist. He burrowed deeper into my lap and I froze, finally realizing the weird position we were in. I couldn’t overthink this.

Don’t overthink this.

He sighed and practically melted into me. I just sat there, running my hands through his dark hair, everything about the moment making me nervous even while Bryan seemed completely relaxed.

“When I was eleven,” he said in a drowsy voice, “I knew this girl. I thought she was really pretty and really nice. We would play with each other often because her parents were servants for mine, and she’d come over when her mother had to clean the house. My parents didn’t care that we played together. I didn’t have anyone else in the house my age. We talked a lot, and I thought I knew her inside and out. She had a way about her, she got so crazily passionate about the weirdest things.” He let out a sad chuckle. “Like anime. There was one show she loved about a magical princess and sometimes she would come in wearing the costume of the character. Anyway, she even got me into watching the show with her.”

He turned his head, finally looking at me, the pain so deep within him that I lost my breath. I could tell he was only telling me one kind of incident out of many. Most likely, one of the earliest incidents.

“I found out she had been stealing from us. I didn’t notice because I didn’t care, but one day my mother was going off about someone taking jewelry. I ignored her because she had a lot. Why would she care about some missing pieces? Turned out my friend was taking it for her parents. They would sell the pieces for extra money. I confronted her about it.”

“She said she ‘loathed’ me. I never had someone tell me that before. They always used pretty words to get on my good side, never the pure hatred she showed me that day. I had everything she wanted and she was just trying to get it too. She said we didn’t need it, that we should share. The police came to arrest her parents and she left screaming that she hated me, that I was a spoiled little brat who didn’t understand what it meant to struggle just to eat. Then she was gone. I never saw her again.”

“Bryan,” I whispered, trying to hold back my tears.

“I hate my status. I hate that when people look at me, all they see are dollar signs. I hate that I have to be careful with who I befriend because they could use me.” He rubbed his face furiously, like he was trying to wipe away his past. “I hate parties like these. Women throw themselves at me because they know if they can trick me into a marriage or whatever, then they’d never have to worry about anything ever again.” His voice grew so bitter as he continued to talk. “They’ll be able to shop in Paris and then the next day be in Hong Kong to spend more money. My friends... they never see me as a cash cow. They never even ask me to buy them anything. When I buy something for them, it’s because I want to. Because I want to make sure they have what they need. I have the money and they’re important to me. Without them, I’ll probably be this bitter high school punk kid, lashing out at everyone.” He paused, just staring at me. Then in an even lower voice, he said, “You’re different too. You don’t give a shit. You really don’t.” He took a deep breath. “Thank you for coming tonight. For keeping me safe from their claws. These parties are hard sometimes. I guess today’s one of those days.”

I flashed him a weak smile, not sure there was anything for me to say right then to comfort him. “Definitely one of those days.”

We went back to staring up at the sky, the back of my neck getting sore, but I didn’t care.

“Cadence?” Bryan called out, getting my attention.

It took me a moment to tear my gaze away from the sky and back down at him. “Hmm?”

His expression was hard, the anger there, just underneath the surface. “If that bastard Laurens tries anything with you, I will destroy him. I won’t hesitate to use the power I have to ruin him. So don’t lie to us. Don’t hold back. Talk to us. I know of his family and I can say for certain, I have the power to destroy him.”

Unexpectedly, his words made it easier to breathe. Being around Laurens had created this suffocating weight, but knowing Bryan was completely serious about his promise lifted it. I smiled. “I promise.”

He nodded. “Good.”

I returned his glasses to him and we spent more time outside, enjoying the quiet night. We never went back to the party. We had enough of it for the night and were content with where we were.

Chapter Seventeen