Page 80 of Finding a Melody

Toby could be vulnerable. It was there now as he watched me warily, braced for a negative answer. My heart went out for him, wondering why such a simple question from him made him seem like he was about to break apart. Knowing I needed to put him out of his misery, I said, “Yeah, I do.”

Toby swallowed hard before smiling big, his eyes lighting up again. “Fuck yeah, let’s do this.” He scooted his chair closer so we could both pour over the music notes.

Working with Toby was different than anything I’d ever experienced before. He was insightful, deep, and he knew his music. Together we created a song that moved me to tears just thinking about it. It was everything I wanted it to be, and so much more. Me wishing I had my dad to reach out to and losing that hope slowly over time. And Toby created the response I hoped for. He got it, got what I wanted to a T. This wasn’t a love song, but a daughter in deep need of her daddy and a daddy who missed his baby girl.

We created a full duet, Toby smoothing out the lyrics more for the male verses. Toby was amazing, easily becoming that other voice needed to respond to a child’s plea. His addition did exactly what I wanted, rounding out the song and bringing it to new heights I never was able to produce before.

Finally sensing that I was on the edge of a breakdown, I froze, the music stopping abruptly, my mouth clanking shut.

“Cadence?” Toby asked in a soft cautious voice and it only tore at me a little more.

I blew out a breath. “I need to stop.”

“Okay. Then we’ll stop.”

I bobbed my head in a jerky way that I thought I was going to hurt myself. I blinked furiously, staring down at the music notes as my eyes tried to blur.

I was not going to cry. No way was I going to cry here.

Not happening.

“Cadence?” Toby reached out and rested his hand on mine that was still hovering over the strings. “Let me see the guitar.”

He pried it out of my hands and carefully put it back into its case. Everything was so quiet, even the card game Seth and Bryan had been playing had stopped. Everyone was staring at me. All the while I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. Or something.

What would make this stop?

How could I put a stop to this scream that was building up inside of me?

“My mom had an affair,” I blurted out. That was not what I was thinking.

Toby froze from setting the case down to stare at me. I didn’t see any judgment in his eyes, only deep concern for me. That only helped me to talk more, making that scream inside of me ebb away.

“She used to have this man come over during the day. He’d leave when I came back from school. And he was around a lot during the summer. I think Lindie was really lonely. My dad did work a lot. I didn’t like the man too much. I stayed away when he was around. All I really understood back then was that he was Mom’s friend. She always told me he was her best friend.”

I took in a shuddering breath, gripping my shorts. “One day, Dad came home and asked how things were going and I let it slip out. ‘Daddy, Mommy’s friend was mean to me. He took my ice cream away.’ ” I snickered. “I legit said that to him. He was so confused. Lindie could only gape at me in shock. It all came out then, that she was having an affair. He left that night.”

I tapped the paper. “And I hadn’t heard from him since. He left not just Lindie, but me too. I thought I had been abandoned. But to think that wasn’t the case.”

“What do you mean?” Bryan asked. They had moved closer as I talked.

“He’s sent me letters and Lindie destroyed them all. She’s kept him from me.”

“What messed up bullshit is that?” Bryan snapped.

“I know. I’m still trying to understand it. But I can’t. In my head, I still remember him walking out on us. Packing his closet up and never looking back. But he did look back. And I missed it somehow.”

“Cadence,” Toby said.

I shook my head and sniffed. “I’m fine. That just... I don’t know. I just needed to say that.”

“I’m glad we were here to listen,” Seth said.

I gave him a shaky smile, meaning it when I said, “And I’m glad you were here too. Especially since now you can make us all dinner.”

The abrupt change was probably a bit too much. No one said anything for a moment before Seth finally smiled. “Fine, I have some chicken breasts already thawed in the fridge. Stuffed chicken?”

Everyone agreed and we headed back down. Dinner was quick and then Toby had to go home. His aunt gave him no choice as she pulled up into the driveway to pick him up. That left only Bryan, Seth, and me to entertain ourselves for the rest of the night.