Page 26 of Losing the Rhythm

The warmth so strong, I can feel it in us (Hold me close)

Can I hold on? (Hold me tight)

Can I hold on? (I’m right here)’

Then at the end, we both said it together, making sure our voices meshed together:

‘Can I hold on, ooh

Can I hold on’

As Toby strung the last few notes on the guitar, my heart was still pounding really hard. We did it. I couldn’t believe we’d done it and it sounded so much better than what we had practiced.

Everyone clapped, enthusiastic about our performance. Even Mrs. Odera looked completely impressed.

“That was well done,” Mrs. Odera said, smiling at us. “Now for questions.”

After each performance, students were allowed to ask any questions they wanted related to the song.

My stomach twisted as we waited for hands to go up. Slowly, people raised their hands—more than I expected. Maybe one or two people had been asking questions with the other students. We had about five hands up.

Mrs. Odera picked out a boy in the back. James. Not someone I interacted with all that often though I recognized him since many of us had shared a lot of the same music classes the last couple of years.

“Why is this song important to the both of you?”

The one question I was hoping to avoid. I’d be more than happy to clarify language, why we chose the tempo as we did, and anything to the song creation itself. But the reason behind it made my stomach clench. Now it was my turn to want to throw up.

Thankfully, Toby decided to answer first.

“We never know the full reason,” he said softly. “About why we’re forced away from the people we love the most. What we know is only ever from our point of view. And it leaves room for misunderstandings.” He shrugged. “Longing. Confusion. For me, this song is to recognize that separation for what it is. That both sides can still miss each other, no matter the reason behind that separation. Like how I live with my aunt instead of my family.”

I licked my lips. “Or like how my dad left when I was little.” I glanced at Toby, drawing strength from him, steeling my nerves. “And how recently I found out that what I thought he thought of me probably wasn’t true. That he missed me as much as I missed him.”

After talking, I pressed my lips together.

A girl with short blond hair asked the next question. “If you see him again, what would be the first thing you say to him?” she asked. Something about her felt sad and made the ache in my chest intensify. She leaned forward, waiting for my answer.

All that bravery crashed to the ground, and I looked down, knowing I wasn’t going to be able to give her an answer she’d be happy with. I wasn’t even sure if there was an answer.

“I don’t know.”

After that, I remained completely silent while Toby handled the last of the questions. The moment Mrs. Odera let us go back to our seats, I beelined for it, taking a long drink of my water to hopefully wash down the rock that seemed to have gotten wedged in my throat. It didn’t help as much as I’d hoped.

While I was completely full of turmoil from the question that girl asked, Toby seemed to have shed all the anxiety that had weighed him down completely. It left behind a grinning boy who couldn’t stop moving from the thrill of performing.

I understood the feeling all too well. As a kid, whenever I finished a great performance, I could never sit still. Dad would laugh with me, and we’d both be giggling messes as he took me to the park or outside or wherever. Anywhere to release all that built up energy.

Maybe I needed to take Toby to the park too.

“Great job,” I said to him softly, pushing aside my negative emotions.

Toby’s smile widened even more. “You too, Cadence. This was probably my favorite project to-date ever. You’re an angel.”

All of me grew hot from his compliment.

Toby reached over and grabbed my arm, squeezing it affectionately. “I’m serious. You’re an amazing person with a beautiful soul.”

I almost wanted to brush it off as Toby’s flirtiness, but the seriousness in his eyes froze me. He was looking directly at me, something in his expression sending a tendril of nerves through me. Then he let the moment pass, releasing my hand and turning to face forward.