Page 45 of The Jaguar's Flower

“You refuse to answer my questions.” Violet shrugged. “Now, I just want to go home. There are people there that need me.” Her eyes wandered to the massive willow tree as she chewed on her bottom lip. She wanted to know why it was so easy for him to discard her, but she didn’t want any more vague answers. “So I’ll leave you to tend your flowers, Sarus.” She took one last look at the roses before she continued to walk, only to realize she was drawn to the willow tree. Was that the way out?

Sarus eyed her. “I answered the best I could at the time. If you seek the truth, go to the tree. If you wish to disregard me, then I am not stopping you.” When the primordial caught her blue gaze, he noticed the raven peek out. “But know that I didn’t do what I did out of malice or to relieve myself from you. Assume what you want. I can’t change your opinion of me or anything that has happened, but I can still protect you. Wanted or not.”

“It’s easy for you to say that now.” Violet’s heart ached as she continued toward the tree, though she told herself if it wasn’t to talk to him. “You weren’t the one tossed away and lied to. You didn’t have to wonder why you didn’t fit in anywhere.” The pain in her chest only grew until she bit her tongue. The urge to change increased with her pain, but she couldn’t shift until she found a way home for her and Mac. “It’s pretty clear that you’d rather have the fairies here. All I want to know is how to leave this place.”

The moment she entered the willow’s ring, Sarus casually moved forward. He listened to her vent. Her anger was justified. He risked having her here even now, but at least he could protect her instead of sending her back out into the world. The primordial stood by the magical barrier, watching his daughter move around under the hanging branches.

“Shall we assume things about each other?” When Sarus entered the ring, he sighed. “You seem to know everything about me: I’m a terrible father and threaten mates. I discard my children like they do not matter. I prefer the fairies over my children. Shall I mention the mermaids?” Sarus noticed the hurt in her eyes. “You had a family. Parents who loved you and gave you a life that resembled happiness and love.”

He reached up to scratch his jawline. “Instead of assuming the worst of me.” Sarus offered an olive branch. “Shall we start over? As long as we are under here, I can speak freely.”

“You want to start over?” She whirled to face him. “You said you had enemies and sent me away to protect me. How is that protecting me?” She stared at him as her anger ignited and burned through her chest. “Yes, my parents were wonderful. They did everything they could for me but also died before I could figure out how to fit into the world you left me in. Now, I find out they lied to me.”

It hurt more than she could ever say. “Only to find out that I’m not human, and all this shit exists. I felt helpless when it came to the shifters being mistreated. My work felt useless when I couldn’t prove they existed. Nothing has ever been good enough to protect the few people I care about.”

Sarus had no words for her. Instead, the primordial touched one of the hanging branches as he paced through the grass. “I had two children before you. They were my first children with someone I loved.” He still heard their laughter and screams of joy, but it all faded when reality hit. “In that situation, we went to him for acceptance. I lost to him. In the process, he took my children away from this realm. My realm.”

Before she could speak, Sarus waved his hand with a shake of his head. “You want to know why I sent you away? I would rather deal with the pain that I can’t raise my own children in my realm. It’s better than having to experience them plucked from me because of a jealous primordial. I do not expect you to understand, Violet. I have explained this point because no one can understand why jealousy can cause a primordial of creation to be surrounded by death.

He pointed to the back where the fairies were. “Do you know I saved them? They were close to extinction because of hunters. Humans are jealous of what they are not. But I brought them here because they are no one to him. I risk it all bringing you here, but they can’t touch you as long as the realm is closed and I remain here.”

Sarus inhaled as his eyes scanned over his garden. “He will kill you. Take your soul and leave me empty. He’s done this repeatedly, and he left me with no choice but to hope that maybe my last daughter can have peace. Love. A family.” When he finally gazed at her, he swallowed his emotions. “Hate me, Violet. I don’t regret what I did. I only regret not seeing you grow up.”

“Who is this other primordial you’re so afraid of? You talk like I should know.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Do you know how much it hurts to find out everything was a lie? I can’t even ask my parents why they didn’t tell me since they died.” Her arms fell to her sides as she stared up at him. “Nothing prepared me for all of these changes. I have to pretend like I’m okay with everything because Mac feels like a monster. He’s not, but I sure as hell feel like one.”

Her hands slid into her hair. “Blue hair. It’s not natural. So it’s not like I can even attempt to fit in when that’s all I’ve ever wanted. To just be accepted. My parents loved me, and they tried. They didn’t understand. I never understood any of it. Instead of being understood, I was just the freak. Always on the outside of everything until I met the shifters. Why? Why couldn’t I have at least been somewhere that I could have been accepted and not some outcast?”

“Do you want to be accepted by people who don't care to know you? Or do you want acceptance from those who see how kind you are and cherish it?” Sarus drew his brows together. “Everyone will not find their circle until later on in life. That goes for anyone. As for the other primordial, you will never know his name. Mentioning it will bring him here or wherever you are.”

Sarus sighed. “Asmodeus took you to your parents for me. The other had killed every raven of mine, and you were the last. To prevent further damage, Asmodeus brought you to them. My only demand was that they showed you true love as if you were their own. Simple humans with no extraordinary backgrounds or cash flow. They were normal and people who wouldn’t draw attention.” When he shrugged, he noticed her disappointment.

“You have people, Violet. I am not sure you realize your impact on people’s lives. Do you ever think those other people didn’t get close because they knew you were already extraordinary? You mention the facility and all you did for them. You already have your home, and you didn’t realize it because they saw you as you. Will this change everything, knowing what you truly are? Do you think they will discard you because you are finally like them?” Sarus cracked his neck as he touched the tree. He felt the warmth and soft vibrations before he turned away from it.

“Are you going to continue being mad and jealous because you got to live your life instead of running every moment to survive? That would have been your life here before I was able to seal it.” Sarus’ eyes met hers.

Violet knew she was being selfish and hated it. “You don’t understand.” Tears burned her eyes as she turned away from him. “I don’t even know how to get you to understand. You talk about the jealousy of humans. Make it seem like I should be grateful for spending most of my life alone. To the point that I accepted, I’d simply be alone until the day I died. That’s what I prepared myself for after I buried my parents.”

She took a shuddering breath. “Does that mean I should be grateful a deranged doctor injected me with some foreign substances? I’m not sure of the side effects, but I can turn into a raven now.” As she thought of Draven and Avel, she nodded. “No, I don’t think they’ll be able to accept me. They don’t trust. How are they going to believe I didn’t know any of this?” Her chest ached as a sob broke free. “Or when Mac realizes I don’t know how to handle any of this. That I can’t control the raven that only seems like it wants to hurt him?”

“I am going to answer a few of those questions,” Sarus leaned against the tree. “And when I do, I am going to explain the answer. Take it how you wish, but the first one is they will accept you, Violet. You gave them things I know they never had before. Hope. Kindness. Compassion.” When she seemed to withdraw into herself, Sarus stepped forward. “It’s the truth. Your mate proves it.”

When raised her head, Sarus nodded. “The injection was lethal. The spell we placed on you kept the raven dormant. If it weren’t for Mac, you would have died. I didn’t lie about the souls coming back. You would have been reincarnated, but at least the next time, you would have been here.”

“As for not being able to control your raven.” He frowned. “You deny the instincts. You will never hurt your mate, and you need to believe your raven won’t, either. If you do, you’ll feel the pain tenfold. If you kill him, you die too. That’s the matebond.”

“But it attacked him in the sleep trance and again last night.” Violet bit her lip until she drew blood. She refused to explain what they were in the middle of when her claws tore Mac’s skin. He said he was fine, but she hated she drew his blood. It broke her heart on a different level that she couldn’t control the pain she caused him. “I didn’t have any warning when it came to any of this.” Her voice dropped to a whisper, “I deserve to be one of those experiments, not them.”

“Never repeat those again.” Sarus tapped his ears to let her know he heard her words. “The so-called attacks are markings, Violet. A shifter will bite their mate to mark them.” He tapped his neck to point out her bite mark. “A vampire and frost hearth do the same. Then there are witches, mages, and sorcerers who have their own markings. Some appear like tattoos, while others magically link emotionally with their mates.”

She appeared more confused and worried. Sarus barely smiled when he raised both his hands and spread his fingers. “Your claws not only protect, but they mark. As much as I prefer not to have this conversation with you, I also don’t see where I can get out of it. It increases pleasure for your mate, Violet. The pain is almost non-existent as pleasure increases every time your claws mark him. Think of his bite, and relate it to your claws. It’ll help.”

She finally raised her head and met his gaze. “Why didn’t you fight to keep me here? You say you wanted me, but it also sounds like it was so easy to discard me.” As she blinked, the tears slipped down her cheeks. “I’m terrified of what I’ve become, but being here would have made it so much easier to understand. Didn’t you want me?”

“Do you remember when we spoke about Fate?” When she nodded, Sarus drew closer until he was only a few inches from her. He almost brushed his fingers against her cheek but refrained. “I know why you don’t mess with Fate. I became desperate. My only child and I might lose her. I looked into something I wasn’t meant to, and on every path, I saw you die in front of me. If I kept you or went with you, you would die before me. Either from him or from another that would have hurt more.”

Sarus inhaled and felt his emotions grip his heart. “I always wanted you here, Violet. I knew you would come to me one day, but I couldn’t see which path that would be. Who knew I would have you back with your mate tagging along.” He finally touched the top of her head. “I know you will forgive me one day, but I don’t expect it anytime soon. I can’t tell you everything, but I hope you understand enough why I had to let you go. Every day I felt a part of me die, but I hoped to see you whole and not as a soul.”

“Then you didn’t choose the fairies over having me here?” When he shook his head, she stepped closer to him. Her arms wrapped around his waist as she cried against him. “At breakfast, that’s how it seemed. You’d rather have them than me,” she whispered as the tears flowed down her cheeks.