Page 102 of Until Now
Chapter Fifty-Nine
The church fallsinto a hushed whisper. I sit next to Kai at the head of the first row. John keeping a watchful eye from the second row. He tried to sit next to me, but Kai refused. He was going to be sitting next to his sister and, “I’ll be damned if John Jansen is going to head the family row,” he said. I tried to hide my smirk when John retreated to the second row, but found it hard when I saw Elizabeth giggle a few seats away next to Eileen.
“Would you mind moving down?” One of the ushers asks us. Behind him, Brina glares at us through her black veil, daring us to refuse in front of everyone. Just before I can argue, Kai stops me — he motions for Elizabeth and Josh to move down the row leaving a noticeable space between us and Brina.
Throughout the service, Brina sobs for everyone to hear. I can’t contain an eye roll when she lets out a sob every so often just to make sure everyone knows how upset she is. Kai sheds a few tears, but he manages to contain himself.
I don’t cry.
I can’t.
My nerves eat away at me. I’m thinking of what is coming. I don’t want to do it, but Daddy requested it. Trust me, I thought about asking Kai to take my place, but I know he would refuse. It has to be me. My heart races when the usher approaches and offers to escort me to the altar steps.
When I approach the pulpit, the nerves seem to disappear. The thought of speaking to the crowd intimidated me, but the moment I see them, I feel a blanket of comfort fall around me. I smile looking at the faces of those who loved Daddy almost as much as I did. Members of the fire and police department line the perimeter of the church. Business partners, old and new, with their wives peppered throughout the crowd. My favorite high school English teacher, Mr. R, and his wife with their newborn son next to other teachers from The Hills Academy. Lindsay and other members of the cheerleading squad. Diana. Tobias with his wife, next to them other members of Rosecliffe University fraternities. Tessa and the rest of the Honeybee’s staff. Michaela next to Jenny and Patrick. Jimmy and Alex next to them.
But, the one person I wanted to see most isn’t here. A tear rolls down my cheek realizing he really didn’t come. I had hoped Alex would have been able to convince him, but it looks like he still refused.
I didn’t exactly make him welcome either.
“Thank you, all, for coming today.” I grip the pulpit a little tighter. “It really means a lot to me and my brother. We know how loved our father was in the community and to see all of you here, it reminds us of how special he was. Not just to us, but everyone. It’s funny they asked me to do this, I didn’t think I would be able to. Even though I run a whole company, I am not great at speeches, just ask Mr. R over there.” A small laugh from the audience and Mr. R agrees. “But, we’re just gonna see how this goes.”
I share a smile with my brother before I began.
“Alaric Tobias Villa was born November 27, 1968, in Holly Hill, South Carolina. He was very proud of where he came from, proud of his roots. If you didn’t know, my grandfather was an Italian immigrant who came to this country looking for a better life. He met my grandmother, they were married, had my dad, and the rest is history. Normally, these are supposed to be about all the great things the person accomplished, but you guys know all of that. You watched him build this empire from the ground up.
“I got my ambitious spirit from him, I’m sure of that. I would’ve never started my own company had it not been for him. And, I know Kai wouldn’t be the man he is without our dad. They weren’t always close, but Kai is so much like Daddy, whether he knows it or not. I’m happy that he’s going to continue Daddy’s legacy. I know he was so proud of how well Kai has done in the company so far.” I smiled at Kai seeing the tears roll down his cheeks.
I glance at Jimmy. “You know, you never think you’re going to face Death so early. But, in the last two months, I have twice. I got lucky the first time, but I guess, Death doesn’t like to be cheated.” My attention is pulled to the back of the church as the doors open. Tears build behind my eyes when Nick walks through the door. He stands at the back, his hands pushed deep in the pockets of his jacket. When our eyes finally meet, a smile tugs at the corner of my lips. He returns it.
“A few days before the accident, I was talking to my dad. We talked about a lot of things, some I had no idea he even knew about. In case you didn’t know, I was kind of a wild child growing up.” The audience laughs. “No, really. Poor Daddy, I know he was glad when I grew out of that phase. But, recently, I did something pretty reckless and stupid. I was sure he was never gonna forgive me, but he did. That’s the power of a parent’s love, I guess.
“I think we take our parents for granted. We think they will always be here… I did. Hell, I was supposed to be with him that day, I was supposed to be on that plane.”
I meet Nick’s stare again and I can see the fear in his eyes. The same fear I saw that night when he found me on the trail. And suddenly, it all seems so stupid. The fighting, the grudges… I don’t want to hold on to it anymore. What if I had been on the plane? I wouldn’t have ever been able to tell him how I feel…
“But, I was running late, and everyone knows, I never do that.” Everyone laughs, but I’m only looking at him. “Daddy couldn’t wait anymore, so he left. I never would have guessed something like this would happen, especially to him. Andrew and Phillip had flown that route thousands of times. What could go wrong? What was so differentthistime?” For the first time, I spare a look at Brina, but she refuses to break character. “We never know who Death is going to visit next. So, if you walk away from this remembering anything, please don’t hold on to meaningless shit. You need to let it go.” I meet his stare again. “Love each other. We’re not promised tomorrow. So, make the most of what you have now, because you don’t know when it’ll be gone.”
Chapter Sixty
The weight ofthe last week is finally starting to catch up with me. I’ve been able to stave it off, but now that everything is done, I have nothing to keep me preoccupied. Being executor of the estate is something and work will keep me busy, but will it be enough? I don’t know. I’m afraid for the moment when everyone is gone and the silence surrounds me.
Movement behind my second monitor catches my attention. Glancing up, I see John sitting in the chair across my desk, a steaming cup of coffee in hand. I don’t acknowledge him. Instead, my focus returns to the email to the attorney.
I’m sure John can see the walls surrounding me. They weren’t building, they’re already built. I know he hoped this wouldn’t happen, hoped he could have helped prevent it. Figured I was going to need someone there to help ground me, but that’s not him. “Figured you could use some of this,” he says and pushes the mug towards me.
“Thanks.”
“We just finished cleaning up.”
“Okay.”
“Everyone’s about to leave, you wanna come say goodbye?”
“I already told them goodbye.”
John sighs, “You need anything?”
“Nothing you can give me.”