Page 55 of Until Now
Exhale.
Repeat.
It’s okay.
No, it’s not.
Let him explain.
He did.
He did explain.
He explained how last night was a mistake.
Nick was gone when I woke up this morning, probably to work out — a gym is the only thing the suite was missing. I made a cup of coffee before I packed our bags. We were supposed to meet Andrew at the airport in an hour. It seemed like forever when I finally heard him enter the bedroom, holding a fresh cup of coffee from downstairs. Okay, so maybe he didn’t go to the gym. Where was he? As if he could read my mind, he said, “Kai and I grabbed breakfast, then Josh called. Sorry.” His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes handing the coffee to me and where he would have normally kissed me, he didn’t. Something was wrong.
“Everything okay?” I asked watching him fiddle with the lid of his coffee cup.
“Fine.” He smiled, but it wasn't convincing.
“Nick, what’s wrong?”
He sighs, “Look, Dee… Last night, maybe we should’ve waited.”
And, there it is. The moment I’ve been waiting for — when magic runs out.
“It’s just… We’re still getting to know each other. We don’t know what’s going to happen when we go home. I think— I think we should take it slow.”
“Prenderla con calma?” I repeated his own words. Take it slow? “You are unbelievable. I asked you! I asked if you wanted to and—”
“I’m sorry.” Nick reached for me, but I swatted his hand.
“Non avresti potuto dirlo ieri sera?”
“I’m sorry! I was so caught up in the moment, and after dinner, I felt like—”
“Cosa? Like you had to put out?”
“No, that’s not what I meant. Nina, I just— Look, I know it’s not a good reason. I’m sorry. I just think we need to slow down.”
“Cazzate, Nick.” I threw the shirt I had been folding into my bag. “Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on?” He swallows the lump in his throat. “Tell me what the fuck is going on.”
“Dee,” Nick tried to take my hand into his, but I retreated a few steps. “I’m sorry, I just think… Maybe, it was a mistake.”
Pain gripped my chest.Mistake.Surely, I misheard him.
His eyes widen as if he realized what he said. “Nina, no, that’s not what I meant. I just meant— Please, don’t. Don’t do this. Don’t build the walls back up. You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Actually, I don’t think I do.” I zipped my suitcase, but my burning stare never left his.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. You have to believe me. I just don’t want to mess this up. And, there’s things that you don’t—”
“A little late for that, don’t you think?” I pushed past him leaving the room, but he was hot on my heels. Kai and Eileen walked through the front door blissfully unaware.
“We brought coffee!” Kai lifts a tray of coffee and a bag of donuts high in the air with a toothy grin. “We have to be at the airport in thirty minutes.”
“Everything okay?” Eileen asked me, sensing the tension.