Page 9 of Consumed By Fire

"I understand, I'm sorry. It's just that ... never mind," he says, looking away.

I sigh, changing the subject. "Do you want to go home or continue shopping?"

"It depends on you."

"I've seen a couple of curtains that would be perfect for your living room. Do you want to see them?" I ask and he nods.

Several hours later, the car is full of stuff. His furniture will arrive within a couple of days.

We talked about the renovation and how to get organized. I must say, he has thought of everything. It’s admirable that he wants to do everything himself.

We no longer talk about me or him or our past. It’s as if he has moved away and the lightness of before now seems embarrassing.

When we get to his house, I help him take his stuff inside. He doesn't look at me anymore. For once in my life, I miss being looked at, looked at by him.

"Please don't hate me," I whisper, walking to the door.

"For what?"

"For not being able to open up."

"I could never hate you, Charlotte, and I'm sorry that someone made you suffer so much that you don't trust anyone anymore. I just wish you weren’t sad,” he says but doesn't come close. He keeps his distance and I miss his touch.

I say goodbye and go home. Full of questions and guilt, I call Leslie. I need to let off steam, and I ask her to come to me.

After arranging the things I bought, and changing my clothes, I hear the doorbell ring. The guests from this morning left a little while ago and the building will be empty until a few days before Valentine's Day.

"Hey, doll, are you alright?” Lacey asks, hugging me. "You sounded sad on the phone."

"Hi, hon. I'm fine. I've come to a point where I don't know what to do," I confess. I sit on the sofa in the living room and start telling her about Dylan. I tell her everything while she listens to me without interrupting.

"And I froze. I didn't know how to get out of that situation. I told him I don't let anyone get near me."

"And what did he say?"

"That he’s sorry. He wanted to say something else, but he stopped. I ruined everything."

"You didn't ruin anything. You were honest with him and he understood it. He's just respecting your time, honey."

"So why did I get the feeling that I let him down?"

"Wow ..." she answers, surprised.

"What?"

"I've never seen you so into a guy before."

"Because no one has ever made my heart beat like he does."

"And don't you think it's mutual?"

"I don't know. There’s attraction, for sure. Every time he touches me, I feel the air turn electric,” I confess but that feeling of guilt kills me.

"Charlie ... I never asked you anything about your past because I thought that when you felt ready, you would tell me about it. I thought it was about your parents but now I think there’s more to it."

"I was pregnant,” I confess and my eyes fill with tears. "A few days after graduation, I took a pregnancy test. I had a delay, but between the thesis and my mother who stressed the fuck out of me, I thought it was normal.” I look at her and she hugs me, holding me tightly.

"Is that why you came here?"