Page 104 of I Could Never
“Yeah.” I lifted my hand to order another drink. Even the mention of Woodsboro made me feel like I was gonna need it. An ache grew in my chest as I waited for the waitress to deliver it, and that ache was only made worse by Sydney’s next question.
“When was your last relationship, Josh?”
Without thinking it through, I answered, “I don’t really do relationships. I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school.”
Wow.That was the canned response that had always been at the tip of my tongue. But it felt wrong saying it this time. Itwaswrong. Sydney had opened up to me about her divorce, and in return, I’d just lied to her face. Carly and I might not have been officially “boyfriend and girlfriend,” but to identify what we’d had as anything less than a relationship was a lie. Even the wordrelationshipdidn’t quite seem strong enough. It was a true partnership, even if only for a few months. And even though it was over now, it felt unnatural to pretend like it never happened.
“Actually, that’s not really true.” I shook my head and stared down into my empty glass. “I’m sorry.”
Sydney blinked in confusion. “Oh?”
The waitress placed my new drink in front of me, and I took a long sip before slamming the glass down harder than intended. “I was in a relationship recently. Back in New Hampshire. It ended about a month ago.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Why did you lie?”
“I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk about it. I’m sorry.”
Sydney nodded sympathetically. “The wounds are still fresh, then.”
My chest felt tight. “You could say that.”
“Can I ask what happened?”
“It was a mutual decision. Like me, she was only in New Hampshire temporarily. We live on separate sides of the country.” I swallowed.
Another lie. That wasn’t the reason we weren’t together at all. I’d have gone anywhere for Carly, if things were simpler.
“Actually...that’s not entirely true, either.” I took another long sip of my drink. “Admitting what I did is a little difficult.”
“You’re not a very good liar, Josh.” She laughed. “You confess the truth within seconds.”
“Fuck. I know.” I rubbed my temples. “I’m genuinely sorry, Sydney. I really am. You aren’t getting the best version of me tonight, I’m afraid. I’ve been out of sorts ever since I came back.”
She flicked her red hair, leaning in curiously. “What did you do that was so bad?”
I took a deep breath, bracing for judgment. “Carly was engaged to my best friend in the world before he died. Brad was killed in a car accident a few years ago.”
“You moved in on his fiancée?”
A knot formed in my stomach. “It’s not as simple as that. It wasn’t like I decided to go after her because he wasn’t around. In fact, I never liked her much when they were together.” I chuckled. “You could even say we hated each other.”
“Why did you not like each other?”
“Misunderstandings. Preconceived notions that weren’t true. Dumb decisions on my part. Take your pick. We don’t really know anyone until we spend time with them.”
She tilted her head. “So how did you end up dating her, then?”
At that point, I explained the whole situation with Scottie and everything that had happened over those few months back in Woodsboro.
“So you were just two people thrown into the same situation at the same time. I guess I can see how that could happen.”
Maybe that was how it started. But here I was, far away from Carly now and still thinking about her every day, my body still craving her. So this was not exactly situational for me. My feelings for her had crossed over to my normal, everyday life now, too. I guess that’s what happens when someone makes their way inside your heart. It doesn’t matter where you are; they’re there with you.
“Pretty sure I fell in love with her.” Surprised at my own candor, I paused to reflect on that. “Pretty sure I still am.”
“Then why are you here with me?”
Grade F for my performance on this date. “I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”