Page 119 of I Could Never

“Yes. That was the only thing he asked for.”

“Wow.”

“So it seems his prayers have been answered.”

I looked away, taking in that revelation. “Yeah. I guess so.”

“Something else is troubling you…” he said.

This monk had a sixth sense. There was no reason to hold back.

“As I told you, Wayne’s older son, Brad, passed away in an accident before Wayne died.” I took in some air. “I’m afraid I’ve fallen in love with Brad’s fiancée—the woman he was engaged to before he died. We’ve been taking care of Scottie together and fell for each other in the process. I don’t know hownotto love her, but I also don’t know how to live with myself for betraying my friend.”

The man’s expression didn’t change. He seemed unaffected by what I’d just confessed. “Your friend has a much greater purpose now than to be concerned with such things,” he said.

“How do you know that?”

“He is one with God. He knows no jealousy or feelings of betrayal anymore. Beyond this life, it is understood that such things are poisons. They don’t exist with God. There is only love and forgiveness.”

“Are you saying Brad wouldn’t be angry at me for basically living the life he was supposed to have here? He wouldn’t think that was unfair?”

“That life he knew here on Earth is over, son. Brad is in a better place. But even if hewereconcerned with such things, I doubt he would want his loved ones to suffer, if what you and she want is to be together. But again, Brad is with God, and your actions now are no longer relevant to him.”

His perspective, at the very least, was one I desperately wanted to believe.

I nodded. “I never thought of it that way, I guess—that he’s moved on from any of the emotions that might come with things happening here. Most days it’s still hard for me to grasp that he’s actually gone.”

“He’s not gone,” the man corrected. “He’s with God, son. And you are here, taking care of his brother. And mending the broken heart of your dear…” He paused. “What is her name?”

“Carly.”

“Carly.” He shut his eyes momentarily. “Bless you both.”

“Thank you. I greatly appreciate your kind words.” I got up from my seat. “While I have to head back, I feel like I was meant to stop in here today. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me. This seemed to come at the exact moment I needed it.”

“That’s how it works, son.”

The monk escorted me out, and I left there feeling a peace I’d never expected. It felt like a gift—from Brad or Wayne, maybe both.

All throughout my ride today, I’d wished I could speak to Brad. Now I chose to believe he had communicated with me through that Trappist monk. Or maybe Ihadto believe that in order to do what I knew I had to as soon as I got back home.

***

Carly put down the laundry she was folding and ran to the door when she spotted me.

“You’re back!” She wrapped her arms around me.

“Hey, Carly…” I took a long whiff of her scent.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” I squeezed her tighter. “So much, baby.”

She pulled back, looking surprised. “Really?”

I leaned in to kiss her forehead. “Really…”

I sat down next to Scottie on the couch, interrupting his internet surfing. “I missed you, too, buddy.”