Page 27 of I Could Never
“That’s not something people typically say—that someone’s face bugs them.”
“You shouldn’t have taken it personally.”
“How does one not take that personally? It’s my fucking face!” I yelled.
“It didn’t mean anything, Carly, as hard as that may be to believe. I was just being a shithead. I liked to give Brad grief about a lot of things. He’d just started dating you, and I made a dumb comment. There’s not much more to it than that.”
“You still haven’t answered my question, though. That was a very specific insult. There was a reason you thought to say it. You just don’t want to admit it.” I felt my cheeks burn in frustration. “So much for this conversation.”
His ears were red as he finally looked me in the eyes. “You want me to lie and say it was because I thought you were ugly just to give you an answer?”
I put my hands on my hips. “I can’t change my face, you know.”
“Jesus, Carly. It wasn’t about your face at all.”
Chills ran down my spine as he moved closer.
“It wasn’t about my face? Then why the hell did you mention my face? Now you’re confusing me.”
Josh expelled a long breath and looked up at the ceiling. “When Brad showed me your picture, you reminded me of someone I didn’t want to be reminded of. That’s the only reason I said what I did.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Who?”
You could hear a pin drop before he finally spoke.
“You reminded me of my mother in that picture.”
I blinked. “Your mother?”
“You don’t even look that much like her, but there was something about your expression in that photo—your face. That’s why I said it. I never even explained that to Brad. He just thought I was being a dick, I’m sure.Henever asked me why I’d said it.”
My mouth dropped. “Well, that’s a bit…fucked up.”
He crossed his arms. “You think?”
I didn’t know what to say.I’d reminded him of his mother?The one who’d cheated on his dad with his uncle. The one who abandoned him. At least his comment made a little more sense now. Not knowing what he’d meant had bothered me for far too long.
“Well, thank you for your honesty.”
“I couldn’t have you go on thinking there was something wrong with your face,” he said. “That would’ve been more fucked up than I am.”
“You’re not fucked up because you have trauma from your mom. And you don’t have to tell me anything more. You answered my question. We can drop the subject.”
He exhaled and started to pace. “There’s not much to tell. Our mother decided a long time ago that her life was better off without her husband and kids. Being back in Woodsboro is never easy for me, but especially now that Brad is gone. This place, and the Longos, were always my distraction from my home life. I always felt wanted here.”
“Your dad didn’t handle things well, I take it?”
He stopped pacing and turned to face me. “He did the best he could, but he was always depressed. He’s better now. But back then my brothers and I had to fend for ourselves for the most part, while also looking out for him. That’s why I was always over here. It was my escape, my way of handling it—by pretending to be part of another family. Then after Yvonne died, that was a whole different kind of loss. It was worse than my mother leaving, to be honest.”
“Every corner of this house must have a memory for you, huh?”
He looked around and whispered, “Yep.”
When his eyes found mine again, I asked, “Do I still remind you of her?”
Josh shook his head. “No. It was just a weird first impression based on one snapshot. You don’t look like her, and you’re nothing like her, trust me. You care more about that damn dog than my mother ever cared about us. And you’re great with Scottie, even if half the time you don’t know what you’re doing. You try your best.”
I laughed. “Are you saying I deserve a booby prize for my efforts?”