Page 58 of I Could Never
“That’s kind of a random question,” I murmured.
“Yeah, well, that’s how I roll when I’m wired.”
I smiled, my back still facing him. “I used to love to put on my mother’s makeup growing up. I kept practicing into my teenage years and realized it was something I was pretty darn good at. So, rather than force myself to do something I wasn’t interested in after college—I’d majored in liberal arts—I went to cosmetology school and became even better at it. Mostly I love making people feel more confident about themselves.”
“Although, out in Hollywood you’ve got a pretty good baseline to work with, I’d imagine?”
“Yeah, but I don’t only work on celebrities. I also volunteer. I’ve done makeup for homeless shelters, too—women looking to rejoin the workforce.”
“That’s cool. See? I didn’t know that about you. Glad I asked about this.”
“The things you learn when you start asking random questions at one in the morning, huh?”
“That’s right…” He exhaled and seemed to be thinking for a moment. “You’re a good person, Carly.”
My heart fluttered. “How do you know that?”
“You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.”
“I guess that makes you a good person, too.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.” He chuckled. “Anyway, with Wayne’s mattress as my witness, I hereby, in this moment, officially take back anything negative I’ve ever said about you.”
“Oh… Besides my face, there aremorethings I don’t know about?”
“Doesn’t matter. They’d all be lies.”
“Well, then I take back calling you an evil pig.”
“You might want to hold on to that one. I can’t say it’s entirely inaccurate.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“That’s because you can’t see inside my head lately, Pumpkin.”
Wait, whaaaat?Were those offending thoughts about me or something else?
Josh stopped babbling after that, and eventually his breathing turned rhythmic. Listening to it soothed me. But even though there was a good amount of space between us, I realized I could sense the heat of his body behind me.
And now I found myself a bit wired. I retraced my steps through the events of the day. I felt terrible for wasting Neil’s time, and even worse for how much I’d wanted to come back home and see Josh. Now, with him on the other side of my bed, I felt even more guilty for relishing this feeling of warmth and safety.
***
The following morning, I learned a hard lesson. Sometimes even when you have the best intentions and try to do everything right, life still fucks with you.
Despite the fact that I had intentionally fallen asleep facing away, and with plenty of space between me and Josh, when I woke up, I was not only facing him, but my nose was only a few inches from his. I could feel his breath on my skin as he slept. I could practically taste him, and I had no desire to move back. This was the only way I could experience being this close to him.
So instead of moving away, I took the opportunity to stare at him in peace, to appreciate how handsome he was—the way his brown hair fell over his forehead, the ruggedness of his jawline, his masculine scent. This quiet observation was peaceful indeed—until his eyes shot open.
I flinched, jerking back.Who the hell wakes up like that?Don’t your eyes usually blink open gradually or something? His flashed open in one shot.
“Hey...” His voice was groggy. “Did I scare you?”
“No, uh…” I licked my lips. “I was just waiting for you to wake up.”
“You were watching me while I slept?”
“Yeah. I guess I was.”