Page 8 of I Could Never

“Obviously,” I muttered, feeling bitterness at the back of my throat.

“Look…” He sighed. “I didn’t know anything about you. If I’d known you and he would end up getting engaged, I might not have—”

“Shared yourtruefeelings?” I crossed my arms, although I really wanted to punch him.

“It was a dumb thing to say.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t mean it literally.”

“You didn’t mean it literally?” I lowered my voice, realizing I’d just shouted and didn’t want to wake up Scottie. “How else can you not like a face…if notliterally?”

Josh remained silent as he looked down at the floor.

I’d really caught him off guard.Good.He deserved it.

“I never told Brad I saw it,” I admitted. “As much as I hated you for that text, I didn’t want to cause a rift. I knew how much you meant to him—for some godforsaken reason.”

Josh finally looked me straight in the eyes. “I should’ve never said that, and I apologize. Truly. And as much as you don’t seem to believe me, that text really meant nothing.” He blew out a long breath and softened a bit. “I guess this explains why you were never my biggest fan. Brad told me you didn’t like it when he came to visit because you didn’t trust me. I figured it was because you thought I was a bad influence. Now I know there was more to it.”

“Ididworry when he was with you.”

“You shouldn’t have. Brad’s a grown man with a mind of his own.” He paused. “Wasa grown man.” He shook his head. “I still have a hard time thinking about him in the past tense.”

My throat felt heavy. “Well, that’s one thing we have in common.”

Josh looked down at his shoes and slipped his hands into his pockets. Then he turned toward the living room. “I guess I should find a blanket or something to sleep with.”

“Let me see if there’s something in Wayne’s closet,” I said, still feeling a little bitter.

Josh followed me to the room where I’d be sleeping, just off the kitchen.

When I opened the closet, it was filled from floor to ceiling. All of Wayne’s clothes were still hanging there. It smelled a bit musty, so I made a mental note to clean it out as soon as I had a second to breathe.

“I guess this was Wayne’s solution to the lack of storage space in this house,” I said as I rummaged through. “Just pack everything in here?”

Josh turned on a lamp in the corner of the room. “Brad kept offering to buy him a bigger place, but Wayne never wanted to leave this cabin. This is where he had all his memories with Yvonne, where they started their family.”

“I can understand that.” I turned to face him. “They lost her so young.”

“Yeah.” He shook his head. “That was a terrible fucking time.”

“You and Brad were in high school when she died?”

He nodded somberly.

I knew Josh was the same age as Brad, who would’ve been thirty now if he were alive. At twenty-eight, I was two years younger.

I resumed searching for a blanket and managed to find a small plaid one amidst all the junk in the closet.

“Will this be enough?” I asked as I handed it to him. It seemed like it might only cover half his body.

“It’ll work,” he said.

I grabbed one of the two pillows on the bed. It was heavier than expected, filled with down.

“Take this, too. I don’t need both.” I threw it toward him with unintentional force.

He caught it. “You enjoyed throwing that at me, didn’t you?”

I winked. “Maybe a little.”